Posted on by Abe Austin

Sharing Feelings- Unburdened Shame

Different Shares)

In my last post I talked about the claim that men struggle because they don’t share their feelings, and how there is a real truth to that statement, but that too often the proposed solution is unhelpful, even harmful. For too many, “sharing feelings” just turns into complaining, to shifting blame outwards, and finding others to stoke one’s feeling of righteous indignation. Feeding one’s rage is quite the rush. It feels “good” in a power-fantasy sort of way. But it does not do good for us. Ultimately, it only makes things worse.

I also mentioned in my last post that there is such a thing as acknowledging and surrendering genuine wounds, and that is healthy. The critical difference is that this healthy sharing is oriented towards accepting and releasing, not clutching and festering.

What is more, there is another sort of “sharing feelings” that is healing, needed constantly throughout life, and it hardly ever gets discussed at all. Usually, it only comes up in religious contexts, while the broader world shrinks from it at any cost. And that is, confession of guilt.

Admitting Wrongs)

By far, the bottled-up feelings that afflict the most people and cause the most damage is their shame. The feelings that men (and I suspect women, too) most need to share with one another is their deep regret, embarrassment, and guilt.

People try to live without shame by just not acknowledging it. By being “shameless” and pretending they don’t feel bad about what they have done. But if one cannot own their own shame, then they cannot be freed from it. Genuine shamelessness comes from fully embracing it, fully sharing it, and fully giving it to God. As James taught us, “Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed” (James 5:16).

Of course, you mustn’t just share your greatest flaws with just anyone. “Cast not your pearls before swine,” (Matthew 7:6). Our sins and our crimes against God and man are very vulnerable and must only be shared in the most sacred and trusted of space. But shared they must be. We should all seek a group, a sincere friend, or an honorable spiritual leader where we can bring out our worst and receive of their best. And we must have this communion continually, as new wrongs require new confession, and we live in a perpetual cycle of taking on burdens and then having them taken off.

This is the sort of emotional unloading that will actually make men healthier, stronger, happier, and whole. Not complaining about the wrongs of others, but admitting to the wrongs of themselves. This is where true healing begins.

Posted on by Abe Austin

Sharing Feelings- Unhealthy Communication

Dangerous Suppression)

A common plea that is made today is for men to better “express their feelings.” Men are recognized as being a lonely, unsupported demographic, prone to bad behavior because of unresolved turmoil within. And in my experience, there is some truth to this. I have been a man deeply troubled by the unspoken tribulation within me, and that profoundly negative state of mind did lead me to violate my own conscience and cause harm to those around me. Finding men’s groups where I could talk freely and also going through some one-on-one therapy was extremely healing.

But it didn’t have to be. One thing that I have learned for sure is that not all men’s groups and not all therapy is created equal. Some of it is extremely helpful. Some of it is useless. And some of it actually causes more harm. And what it comes down to is this: just what feelings are being shared.

Unhealthy Sharing)

The sort of “feelings sharing” that I see actively causing damage is when men complain about all that is wrong in their lives, and spiral into greater and greater feelings of anger. This is something I see both men and women having a problem with actually. This unhealthy communication isn’t about getting the anger of out their system, it is about validating and reinforcing it. Those that participate often respond with something like, “oh yeah, that is ridiculous, and that’s just what I’m dealing with, too…” which only multiplies the angry sentiment. It isn’t commiserating; it is compounded misery.

To be clear, genuine wounds do need to be addressed. Everyone has formative suffering in their lives, and carrying those burdens alone is unhealthy. Healing from these is very sacred, but it looks different. It looks like surrendering, accepting, forgiving, and releasing. If there is rage, it is expressed so that it can be let go of, not so that it can go back into the feedback loop of pain, to rage, to pain.

Healing from genuine wounds does not come by rehashing one’s anger over and over and over. It comes in a moment of holding, accepting, and then letting go. Anything that looks different from that tends to be about driving the pain deeper, not getting it out.

And, let us be honest, not all that gets shared in these misery sessions is genuine wounds. Often it is complaining about things that we don’t like in other people, ways that they trigger our insecurities, ways that they prevent from getting what we want. Most of these complaints don’t deserve any of our time at all, let alone the hours and hours of moaning that some people give to them.

This is what unhealthy sharing looks like, but I mentioned that I had also seen good in another form of men meeting together and sharing the weightier things of their hearts. So what does that look like? I will go into detail tomorrow.

Posted on by Abe Austin

Purposeful Pain

Much of what we call “suffering” is simply going through pain that we don’t think we’re supposed to. We had a plan or an expectation for life, and the pain is ruining all of that, and it can be a crippling disappointment that some never grow past.

Growth comes in accepting. It comes in saying, “Well maybe this is the right pain for me. Maybe this is here for me to learn how to get through it. Maybe this is exactly the path my quest was meant to follow.” Purposeful pain yields growth, meaningless suffering only yields agony.

Posted on by Abe Austin

What Really Matters

Often, that which we value most is not what we assume. The only way to know our true priorities is to observe what we compromise at the expense of what else.

Do we keep our belief in God’s commandments quiet when those around us oppose them? Then we value society more than God.

Do we pursue early sexual gratification, even though we know it will make us unattractive to a potential spouse? Then we value pleasure more than family.

Do we ignore our neighbor asking for help loading their truck so that we can have a nice evening to ourselves? Then we value self more than community.

And through it all, we may tell ourselves that God, family, and community matter to us most, but our actions reveal the truth of the matter. They do not. Social acceptance, pleasure, and self are our true priorities. But the good news is, our priorities can be altered, we just have to make sacrifices. Choose the commandments, the abstinence, the community service, even when we do not want them. In time, the heart will change so that we do.

Posted on by Abe Austin

Scriptural Analysis- Leviticus 13:47-59

47 The garment also that the plague of leprosy is in, whether it be a woollen garment, or a linen garment;

48 Whether it be in the warp, or woof; of linen, or of woollen; whether in a skin, or in any thing made of skin;

49 And if the plague be greenish or reddish in the garment, or in the skin, either in the warp, or in the woof, or in any thing of skin; it is a plague of leprosy, and shall be shewed unto the priest:

50 And the priest shall look upon the plague, and shut up it that hath the plague seven days:

51 And he shall look on the plague on the seventh day: if the plague be spread in the garment, either in the warp, or in the woof, or in a skin, or in any work that is made of skin; the plague is a fretting leprosy; it is unclean.

52 He shall therefore burn that garment, whether warp or woof, in woollen or in linen, or any thing of skin, wherein the plague is: for it is a fretting leprosy; it shall be burnt in the fire.

53 And if the priest shall look, and, behold, the plague be not spread in the garment, either in the warp, or in the woof, or in any thing of skin;

54 Then the priest shall command that they wash the thing wherein the plague is, and he shall shut it up seven days more:

55 And the priest shall look on the plague, after that it is washed: and, behold, if the plague have not changed his colour, and the plague be not spread; it is unclean; thou shalt burn it in the fire; it is fret inward, whether it be bare within or without.

56 And if the priest look, and, behold, the plague be somewhat dark after the washing of it; then he shall rend it out of the garment, or out of the skin, or out of the warp, or out of the woof:

57 And if it appear still in the garment, either in the warp, or in the woof, or in any thing of skin; it is a spreading plague: thou shalt burn that wherein the plague is with fire.

58 And the garment, either warp, or woof, or whatsoever thing of skin it be, which thou shalt wash, if the plague be departed from them, then it shall be washed the second time, and shall be clean.

59 This is the law of the plague of leprosy in a garment of woollen or linen, either in the warp, or woof, or any thing of skins, to pronounce it clean, or to pronounce it unclean.

We conclude this chapter with an examination of what to do if an infestation is found within a garment. The garment might be made from the skin of an animal, or from flax that has been spun into linen, or wool from a sheep. Given its organic nature, it was susceptible to spreading disease, just like human skin. In this case, there were two stages of testing. The first was to see if the discolored spot spread. If it did, the garment was destroyed. If it didn’t, the spot was cleaned. If the cleaning had no effect, the garment was still destroyed. If it did have an effect, then the discolored section might be cut out and patched, or if it appeared perfectly clean it could be used without modification.

Throughout this chapter we have compared the presence of leprosy to the spreading of dangerous ideologies and trends in society. In today’s verses, the corruptible garment may well represent a man-made creation that has gone astray. Like a leaking nuclear reactor or an internet filled with pornography, things that we make with our own hands are just as susceptible to spreading corruption that harm us. As with the garment, we can consider whether the creation can be cleaned or patched or salvaged, but if not, it must be destroyed.

This concludes the preliminary instructions regarding the treatment of leprosy in man and garment. In the next chapter we will learn some more about the rituals and offerings to be made for the sake of a leprous person, and we will continue to consider what symbolic meaning that might have more broadly for our day.

Posted on by Abe Austin

Scriptural Analysis- Leviticus 13:42-46

42 And if there be in the bald head, or bald forehead, a white reddish sore; it is a leprosy sprung up in his bald head, or his bald forehead.

43 Then the priest shall look upon it: and, behold, if the rising of the sore be white reddish in his bald head, or in his bald forehead, as the leprosy appeareth in the skin of the flesh;

44 He is a leprous man, he is unclean: the priest shall pronounce him utterly unclean; his plague is in his head.

45 And the leper in whom the plague is, his clothes shall be rent, and his head bare, and he shall put a covering upon his upper lip, and shall cry, Unclean, unclean.

46 All the days wherein the plague shall be in him he shall be defiled; he is unclean: he shall dwell alone; without the camp shall his habitation be.

In today’s verses we finally learn what was required of a person who was found to be infected with a leprosy. A person with leprosy was ritually unclean and was not to draw too near to other people, and so we see a sort of quarantine being described. The infected person was not entirely shut away from the rest of society, but he did need to live out on the fringes of the population. He could be in the same place as other Israelites, but he had to announce his approach with a cry of “unclean, unclean.” The instruction that his upper lip needed to be covered sounds like he would wear a sort of scarf or veil, functioning as a sort of olden-day medical face mask.

Going back to our analogy of a spiritually sick society, when we discover a population that has adopted a harmful ideology, we tend to lessen our connection to it. Usually, these groups are not completely eradicated, but they are kept at a distance, until their members abandon their troublesome and reintegrate with the healthy population. Examples of this might include the Hippie population and the Trans movement. We never made such organizations and ideologies illegal, but society moved apart from them, and these organizations and movements have gradually dissipated over time.

Thus, even as we recognize, call out, and distance ourselves from the ills in our society, it is with the intention of rehabilitation and reintegration, not eradication. Preventing the spread of harm is essential, but we still recognize that the infected are a part of us, and we want them to rejoin us as soon as they are clean again.

Posted on by Abe Austin

Scriptural Analysis- Leviticus 13:38-41

38 If a man also or a woman have in the skin of their flesh bright spots, even white bright spots;

39 Then the priest shall look: and, behold, if the bright spots in the skin of their flesh be darkish white; it is a freckled spot that groweth in the skin; he is clean.

40 And the man whose hair is fallen off his head, he is bald; yet is he clean.

41 And he that hath his hair fallen off from the part of his head toward his face, he is forehead bald: yet is he clean.

Today’s verses present a lesson that might seem laughably obvious, but which have a deeper symbolic meaning worth considering. In today’s verses it describes that simply going bald is not a sign of leprosy. If there is a discoloration of the skin, then that might indicate that the hair is falling out due to an underlying illness, but a man who goes bald as part of the regular aging process is not cause for alarm!

Simple and obvious, perhaps, but thus far we have seen how the principles for recognizing leprosy have all been important lessons in how to recognize social spiritual infections as well. And just as how natural baldness is not in-and-of-itself a sign of leprosy, a civilization suffering a loss is not in-and-of-itself a sign of spiritual decay. The fact is, sometimes baldness just happens, and so, too, sometimes tragedy just happens.

We live in a fallen world, after all, where things will not always be ideal. Tragedy remains tragic, whether it is a consequence of wrong decisions or a random act of nature. To know if a society has gone astray, we need to look deeper than what has happened to them, we need to look at what happenings are coming from them. Only then can we know clean from unclean.

Posted on by Abe Austin

Scriptural Analysis- Leviticus 13:29-37

29 If a man or woman have a plague upon the head or the beard;

30 Then the priest shall see the plague: and, behold, if it be in sight deeper than the skin; and there be in it a yellow thin hair; then the priest shall pronounce him unclean: it is a dry scall, even a leprosy upon the head or beard.

31 And if the priest look on the plague of the scall, and, behold, it be not in sight deeper than the skin, and that there is no black hair in it; then the priest shall shut up him that hath the plague of the scall seven days:

32 And in the seventh day the priest shall look on the plague: and, behold, if the scall spread not, and there be in it no yellow hair, and the scall be not in sight deeper than the skin;

33 He shall be shaven, but the scall shall he not shave; and the priest shall shut up him that hath the scall seven days more:

34 And in the seventh day the priest shall look on the scall: and, behold, if the scall be not spread in the skin, nor be in sight deeper than the skin; then the priest shall pronounce him clean: and he shall wash his clothes, and be clean.

35 But if the scall spread much in the skin after his cleansing;

36 Then the priest shall look on him: and, behold, if the scall be spread in the skin, the priest shall not seek for yellow hair; he is unclean.

37 But if the scall be in his sight at a stay, and that there is black hair grown up therein; the scall is healed, he is clean: and the priest shall pronounce him clean.

Today we shift from examining spots and wounds on the open skin, to ones that are hidden within the hair. Obviously, such spots are particularly nefarious, as they have the opportunity to grow and fester without detection. So, too, in our societies, some of our corruption will be covered because they live behind our sacred cows, thus forbidden to be scrutinized critically. For a long time, feminism has been such a covering, forbidding any sincere analysis into the temptations and diversions among women, though we have been very free to point them out among men. But skin under the hair is just as susceptible to corruption as skin in the open, and both must be evaluated.

Another interesting pattern in these verses is that the priest tries to judge the health of a person by certain markers (in this case, the presence of yellow hairs), and by that tries to make a determination as to whether a person is clean. But then, as we see in verses 35-37, it is possible for someone to not trip the triggers for an unclean pronouncement, but later it becomes clear that they are actually unclean.

So, too, in our society, certain behaviors may arise that seem strange, but perhaps innocuous. Since we see no clear sign of damage or perversion, we do not call it unclean, but in time the sinister quality of it becomes apparent. An example of this might be the ubiquitous messaging in children’s media that you must “be true to yourself.” It might have stood out as an overly repeated mantra but didn’t necessarily seem to be a problem…assuming it would have a well-balanced interpretation. But, of course, as the years have gone on, it has become apparent that “be true to yourself” is primarily used as an excuse for all manner of selfishness and for placing oneself at the top of the spiritual hierarchy, denigrating God, society, and family. At this point we are like the priest in verse 36 who must pronounce the area unclean, “yellow hair” or not!

Posted on by Abe Austin

Scriptural Analysis- Leviticus 13:24-28

24 Or if there be any flesh, in the skin whereof there is a hot burning, and the quick flesh that burneth have a white bright spot, somewhat reddish, or white;

25 Then the priest shall look upon it: and, behold, if the hair in the bright spot be turned white, and it be in sight deeper than the skin; it is a leprosy broken out of the burning: wherefore the priest shall pronounce him unclean: it is the plague of leprosy.

26 But if the priest look on it, and, behold, there be no white hair in the bright spot, and it be no lower than the other skin, but be somewhat dark; then the priest shall shut him up seven days:

27 And the priest shall look upon him the seventh day: and if it be spread much abroad in the skin, then the priest shall pronounce him unclean: it is the plague of leprosy.

28 And if the bright spot stay in his place, and spread not in the skin, but it be somewhat dark; it is a rising of the burning, and the priest shall pronounce him clean: for it is an inflammation of the burning.

We have heard how the priest would examine a simple spot in the skin, a boil, and today’s verses talk about a “burn” in the skin. At first I thought by “burn” it meant some feverish heat in the skin, but apparently the Hebrew word used, מִכְוָה (mikvah), means that the flesh had literally been burned by fire or hot metal or a smoldering stick or something like that. These verses are talking about burn wounds that become corrupted afterward.

This continues the pattern of leprosy that grows out of trauma to the body. With the simple spot, the disease developed by unknown means within the body. With the boil, a foreign agent got lodged in the skin and became an inflamed abscess. Now we have a scorching heat that burned the flesh and leaves it vulnerable other afflications.

The priest examining wounds in the skin for infection is a microcosm of what it means to live in a fallen world. We have a good system, with a clear order of how it should work, where if everything worked perfectly it would be able to sustain, grow, and repair itself in perpetuity. But inevitably, something goes wrong. Not only does something bad happen to the system, but the bad thing inevitably disrupts the function of a part of that system and causes it to not perfectly sustain, grow, and repair itself. In a word, corruption. A system that can be harmed, wounded, even killed, but then can restore itself is incorruptible. But we as individuals and societies are systems that are harmed, wounded, even killed, and left permanently dysfunctional and broken as a result. Corruptible. It is true for our bodies. It is true for our societies. It is true for our governments.

As with the leprosy, sometimes corruption in the system can be eradicated. Other good systems in the body/society/government can correct it or even cut the bad part out. Indeed, the system may overcome many corruptions, but gradually the acquisition of corruption will outstrip the ability to remove it, the system will become less effective at healing itself, and one day a corruption will come that is never removed. We will require a Savior to refresh us out of the fallen world entirely then.

Posted on by Abe Austin

Scriptural Analysis- Leviticus 13:18-23

18 The flesh also, in which, even in the skin thereof, was a boil, and is healed,

19 And in the place of the boil there be a white rising, or a bright spot, white, and somewhat reddish, and it be shewed to the priest;

20 And if, when the priest seeth it, behold, it be in sight lower than the skin, and the hair thereof be turned white; the priest shall pronounce him unclean: it is a plague of leprosy broken out of the boil.

21 But if the priest look on it, and, behold, there be no white hairs therein, and if it be not lower than the skin, but be somewhat dark; then the priest shall shut him up seven days:

22 And if it spread much abroad in the skin, then the priest shall pronounce him unclean: it is a plague.

23 But if the bright spot stay in his place, and spread not, it is a burning boil; and the priest shall pronounce him clean.

Today talks about boils in the skin, and how after some of them had ruptured and healed, a white spot might appear where they used to be. The priest was to inspect that spot, see whether it was only skin deep, or if it went down deeper. If it went deeper, that was a sign of disease, whereas surface discoloration was clean.

Continuing our pattern of viewing these skin disease signs as symbols for the spiritual health of a society, the boil might be considered some tragic or disrupting event. The white spot after it has passed through describes the aftermath of that event, and whether it expands into greater problems or not. Recent modern examples of disrupting events could be the twin towers attack, the recession, and COVID. These caused great pain and disruption, they caused damage, and they left behind scars. But did we as a society spiritually heal afterward, or did that pain fester and develop into even longer-lasting harmful trends in our society? If it is the latter, we have a serious and spreading spiritual disease.

The same is true on a personal level, also. Everyone has trauma, but the question is, what do we become in the aftermath of that trauma. We might become healed…or we might spiral downward.