Posted on by Abe Austin

Deeper Love- Summary

Over the past few days, I’ve discussed the possibility of being a Christian and holding fast to the commandments that God has given me but also having love for those who choose to live a different lifestyle. In this final post I will attempt to summarize what I have gone over, and the errors that those who suggest love for another has to include acceptance of their decisions run afoul of.

Love and Disagreement)

The first issue is that no one actually believes this. Everyone knows that you don’t support everything that a loved one does. In my last post I gave the example of drunk driving. Any decent, moral person knows that drunk driving is wrong and would perhaps feel compelled to have a serious talk with a loved one who was repeatedly pulled over for it. But does that mean that now they don’t love that person anymore? Of course not.

The only difference is that pretty much everyone agrees that drunk driving is morally wrong, while other lifestyle choices not everyone agrees on the morality of. That’s fine. Perhaps what I call morally wrong you do not. Perhaps you think I am mistaken in being opposed to certain behaviors. Perhaps I will one day learn that you were objectively correct when I meet my Savior and he tells me that I was wrong, and I will have to confess that it must be so. So be it. But even if I have a wrong judgment today, it is a non-sequitur to suggest that that has anything to do with my capacity to love someone in the meantime.

Let me ask you this. Does my “morally wrong” opinion prevent you from loving people like me? If not, then you already know that the point I am making here is true. If it does, then you are projecting your own inability to love onto others.

A Solid Foundation)

Another error is that of believing that love is one and the same is acceptance, or that acceptance is a necessary component of love. These are two separate qualities, the first having been defined exhaustively in the gospels, the second only declared a virtue in modern culture. There is no compelling argument that I have ever heard of that acceptance is essential for love.

In fact, the scriptures show an example of love given to those that you do not accept. The purest love, God’s love, is said to be given to us “while we were yet sinners,” (Romans 5:8). He loves us even when we are still in opposition to Him. That’s why His love for us is so sure and transformative. Because He gives it to us wherever we are, motivating us to come to Him wherever He is. He loves us as we fall short, while defining for us exactly what it is we are falling short of.

And each disciple is called to do the same. I will love you, even when I believe that you are wrong, because God has shown me that even the wrong can be loved. This is true love, this is unconditional love, this is love that loves no matter what. This is what God calls us to. Not to abandon our principles to appease our neighbor, but to be stalwart on our principles, loving from the solid foundation of God’s word. That is the love that God has shown to each of us, so that is the love that I will try to emulate as well.

Posted on by Abe Austin

Deeper Love- Parental Love

Could You Love Your Son if He Were Gay?)

One of the most common ways that people have expressed disbelief to me that I could both love a person and disagree with their lifestyle, is to have them say, “Well what if your son turned out to be gay?”

But I do not find this a difficult question at all. The simple truth is that if one of my children announced to me that he or she was gay, I would still be just as opposed to that lifestyle and still love them just as much. Anyone that questions a parent’s ability to love a child who chooses a different path betrays that they know very little of paternal love.

What is more, those who ask this question don’t seem to realize that they don’t even believe its implication. The question implies that you can’t love your child unless you approve and accept of all they do. To that I say, “Could you still love your son if he got a girl pregnant in High School? Would you have to prove that love by now approving of teenage pregnancy? Could you still love your son if he got arrested for driving under the influence? Would you have to prove that love by now approving of drunk driving?” Of course you would still love your child, and of course you could do so without approving of all their behavior.

Loved Even When Bad)

Another important aspect of paternal love is its dependability. Children of good parents who hold strong convictions know that their father and mother’s love is sure, a reliable foundation that can be built on. If I were to uproot my core beliefs just to make my child happy, then they wouldn’t really know who I was anymore, and my love would only provide a shallow foundation, and they couldn’t depend on it.

Children need to know that their parents’ love is rooted in something deep that can never be lost, not that the parent relates to them out of fear, constantly shifting their ground to avoid losing the relationship.

If my child did something deeply wrong, and I shifted ground to approve of that behavior, then I would be depriving my child of one of the greatest lessons of love that there is and teaching him something incredibly destructive instead. By my saying, “I will have to redefine ‘good’ so that I can keep loving you,” I am teaching that only the good can be loved. That lie causes incredible damage in children. Think how much more powerful of a lesson I could teach by holding to my principles and my love. That says to my child, “You can be loved no matter what, even when you are bad.“

If we never receive love from those that think that you are wrong, we will never understand that even the wrong can be loved. We will never have hope when we fall short. We will never believe that we can be saved after doing something damnable.

There is a reason why God has spoken to us His truth and His commandments alongside His love and His care. The scriptures show us the example of a parent who will not compromise His standard for us, but who will not stop loving us either. That is the love that can be trusted. That is the love can be built on like a rock. That is the love that saves.

Posted on by Abe Austin

Deeper Love- Unconditional Love

The Love of an Enemy)

I’ve already made a couple posts challenging the notion that I cannot love my brothers and sisters and also stand opposed to certain lifestyle choices that they engage in. I do not condemn such people, because it is not my place to condemn, and I do not seek opportunity to disparage or insult. I seek to speak with love and consideration, but if the matter of certain behaviors comes up, I will bear my honest testimony based upon the word of God. Thus, I will love my fellow man, but I will not compromise my conscience.

And as I’ve considered this conviction, I’ve realized that it is only from such a foundation that love can be unconditional and reliable. As I consider my own relationship with Christ, I must confess that for a long time I was his enemy, openly disobeying his word as a pattern of life, even though I knew he stood against it. But what does Paul teach of God’s attitude towards enemies like me?

“But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us,” (Romans 5:8).

God loved me, and sent His son to die for me, while I was still a sinner, still an enemy to everything that He stood for. And if He loved me when I was His enemy, what more could I do to lose His love? He was already diametrically opposed to me, so it didn’t matter what I did, His love was always still there. It was the surest, most unconditional thing that I have ever had.

A Sure Foundation)

And I truly believe that this is true for sincere disciples of Christ also. We are able to be opposed to sin yet still love the sinner. I would not consider myself to be your enemy, but perhaps you consider me such. Fine, so be it. Then I am at least an enemy that loves you. And even as you continue to do enemy things, and work against me, I will still love you.

Isn’t it obvious that the love that says, “Even though I disagree, even though I will never support your cause…I still love you as a brother or sister” is more powerful than the love that would say, “I will compromise all of my convictions to make you happy?”

Speaking for myself, I would far rather have 100 enemies who still had the basic love of humanity for me, than one “friend” who abandoned his convictions to be by my side. I could always trust in the love that came from the person rooted in his convictions. The “love” of the friend who has abandoned his core is far more unpredictable and conditional.

Posted on by Abe Austin

Deeper Love- Love Without Acceptance

An Unfounded Assertion)

Yesterday I discussed some of my issues with the question, “How can you say you follow Jesus and his commandment to love everyone, while also not accepting members of the LGBT community?” And for today’s discussion, we can even drop the parts about Jesus’s teachings and religious belief. Leaving us the more general assertion that if you do not accept someone’s sexual or gender identity, that you do not love them.

This assertion is built upon the assumption that love = acceptance. That assumption is everywhere in our society today, but nowhere have I seen it justified. Love and acceptance are clearly two different concepts, with two different meanings entirely, so why would we assume that they were equivalent, or that one was the necessary component of the other? It is not immediately apparent to me that this is the case, and I have never seen any argument, let alone a convincing one, that such a claim is logical.

Love Defined by Whom?)

And how can we determine whether someone has genuine love for another person or not? A spouse might say that she loves her husband every day right up until she serves him divorce papers. A father might struggle to ever say that he loves his children, even though he sacrifices for them every day. Is not the man who feels the love most qualified to know that it is really there? How can we tell a person that there is no love in his heart, when we do not personally feel what stirs within him?

I believe that when people suggest that love = acceptance, what they really mean is, “I can only feel loved if you accept me.” What they are describing then is not an inability for love to be sent by the lover, but an inability to receive it by the loved. Such a plain admission is unlikely, because usually in these conversations there is an intention to place the problem in the other person, but requiring acceptance says more about the person who demands it than the person not providing it.

If a person is unable to receive love unless special, personally defined criteria are met, then the solution is to examine what walls they have built up on their own side, to ask, “What is wrong in me that receiving love does not come naturally?” Just as if I find that I really am unable to love a person while fundamentally disagreeing with them, then the solution is for me to examine what walls I have built up on my side, to ask, “What is wrong in me that giving love is not natural?” If both of us will work inward, rather than at the other, then we will achieve the shared goal of love being given and received.

Posted on by Abe Austin

Deeper Love- Common Criticisms

Disagreements on Love)

As a traditional Christian, I have been challenged about how I can follow Jesus’s admonition to love everyone, and also be opposed to certain lifestyles, particularly those under the LGBT umbrella. I’d like to take a couple posts to address this matter. Sometimes I feel these questions are posed in good faith, and sometimes not, but in both cases, I believe the inquirer deserves for me to have ordered my thoughts and feelings into a coherent and genuine answer.

To start things off for today, I do have to point out why I say that sometimes these questions are not asked in good faith. I believe that many of the people asking these questions don’t actually believe that disapproval precludes love. We all have people that are very close to us, that engage in something that we think is hurtful, that we wish they felt differently on, that we fundamentally disagree with them about. Whether it be politics, or self-destructive behavior, or mannerisms, we all see flaws in other people, even the ones we love most. Yes, differences of opinion can become a source of hostility, and sour love in a relationship, but we all know that it doesn’t have to be that way. We can both love a person and disagree with parts of them.

Of course, it is true that I could profess to be a Christian and also have a deep hate and resentment for everyone in the LGBT community. That is a possibility, but it is not a foregone conclusion. It is also possible that I can both love and disagree.

Narrow Questions)

I do also find it interesting that I only ever get these questions related to people living an LGBT lifestyle. As a traditional Christian, there are many other lifestyle choices that I am also opposed to, yet no one ever asks me why I “don’t love them.” For example, I’m just as opposed to fornication, adultery, and most forms of divorce. Why not challenge me as to whether I can still love a person who cheated on his spouse or who got a divorce because he just wasn’t feeling it anymore?

From what I have observed, it seems that the love of Christians is only brought into question on LGBT matters because that movement is unique in its requirement for total acceptance. The fact that these questions only come up in such narrow contexts suggests more about the views of the people that ask them than they say about me and my views.

I think it’s also worth noting that among all the behaviors that I renounce as a Christian are ones that I struggle with also! I have spoken at some length on this blog about my addiction to pornography, which I absolutely condemn as one of the greatest evils of our day. I have always known that it is wrong, and every time that I’ve engaged with it I’ve felt deep shame, but also each time I strive to fall back in love with the Son of God that still lives inside of me. Thus, on questions of whether I can disapprove of behavior but still love the individual, my practice begins with myself.