Posted on by Abe Austin

The Threat of Good People- Awkward Children

Good people, by their very existence, provide an existential threat to the wicked. And I do not mean people that claim that they are good, or which assume the moral high ground, I mean those who genuinely live principles of goodness. People who are loving, who are humble, who willingly sacrifice, who show mercy and forgiveness, who every day try to be a better version of themselves. These are the best of people, but they are also the greatest of threats.

Not a threat in the sense that there is a risk of them attacking or harming others. Of all people, genuinely good people are clearly the safest. But they are a threat to the ego, a threat to illusion, a threat to those who are insecure.

Early Beginnings)

The pattern of insecure people feeling threatened by the successful and seeking to tear them down begins when we are still children. As children, we go through many awkward and insecure phases. Most of us care a lot about what others think of us. We crave attention. We become willing to do anything to gain the admiration of the opposite sex. Unfortunately, many of us meet abject failure in these arenas many times, and those failures hurt very, very much. What makes it all the worse, is seeing a peer who is cool, casual, and content. A peer who is not only more socially adept, but who also doesn’t care when he does commit a rare faux pas. The confident child becomes a mirror showing how awkward and warped we are in comparison, something that we desperately don’t want to see. So…we seek to break the mirror.

Today, I work with the youth in my church, and I see this age-old pattern still playing out. The most insecure children try to tear down the most secure. They mock and disparage, even become physically violent, all to try and drag the confident child beneath them. They would rather a world where no one was secure, where everyone was awkward, because at least that would mean that there was nothing wrong with them. Obviously, this is not the only pattern of childhood bullying, there are many other categories of perpetrators and targets, but from my observation this is one of the patterns that does emerge.

But if this pattern begins in us as children, how much further can it go in adulthood? How do things escalate when mere awkwardness is replaced with guilty and shameful behavior? When sin stands in stark contrast to the good and pure? When “being worse” means “being evil?” We will explore that aspect tomorrow.

Posted on by Abe Austin

Reasons for Disbelief- Social Pressure and Emotions

Unavoidable Confrontation)

I spoke previously of how we assimilate into our world model the information that we receive from others, the logical strain that comes from competing messages, and the risk of rejecting old beliefs simply to relieve that strain. That post was focused on the logical/rational element of giving in to false teachings, but there is a social/emotional element to it as well. This element, I believe, stems from the fact that most of us prefer to avoid awkward confrontations, preferring to disassociate with someone rather than face repeated arguments with them. We would rather maintain our moral stance somewhere that it won’t be constantly criticized.

But, detaching from others is not always an option. Perhaps the confrontational person is a close family member, or perhaps the disagreeable principle is being pushed on us from all sides of society. Sooner or later, all of us will find disagreement that we cannot run from, and in that situation we may be tempted to give in to the opposing arguments simply as a means of restoring positive feelings in our relationships.

Divided Loyalty)

Sometimes the surrender to outside pressure is explicit, where we voice our capitulation for all too hear, repeating the message that has been being pressed upon us. Sometimes, though, it is only implicit, where we silently give the impression that we have no argument to make against what is being said. I, myself, have fallen into that second category, failing to realize that by my silence I was “serving two masters.”

What did it mean when I would hear others speaking against the truth but was afraid of making the situation awkward? What did it mean when I would remain silent to “preserve the peace?” It meant that I was more committed to social comfort than I was to the word of God. I had found this middle place where I was not converted to the messages of the world, but I was converted to needing to meet social expectations. I was more converted to being “normal” and “non-confrontational,” than to championing the word of God.

There are too many Christians today who are hesitant to condemn society’s sins because they aren’t willing to face the ridicule or awkwardness that follows. I know many Christians who say “it’s not my place to judge, I’m not God,” which is true, but then why don’t not address the fact that God has already ruled on many of these matters in His revealed words. The fact is, we Christians have no obligation to justify why the commandments are what they are, God will take care of that, we only have to point the way to Him.

***

So what is Reason #4 for Disbelief? Prioritizing social comfort over proclaiming God’s truth. The more we signify to ourselves that we care more about what our neighbors think of us than God, the more we still start to think and believe as our neighbors do, and not as God does.

Posted on by Abe Austin

It’s Hard to Change Your Story

It can be a hard thing to change the story we have told other people of who we are. Each of us suggests to others what our principles and priorities are, what we will and will not do, and what behavior they might expect of us. Sometimes we begin to shift who we are, though, and at that point it becomes difficult to explain to others this new emerging version of ourselves. This is true whether our change is for the worse or for the better.

For the Worse)

Let us first consider the example of a change for the worse. Suppose I am developing a bad habit, or that I’m trying to admit to a bad habit that I’ve kept a secret. In this case, then telling others about this new lifestyle of mine reveals any number of the following details about me:

  1. I was lying to people in the past.
  2. I’m ignoring my conscience to do something that I still know is wrong.
  3. I wasn’t nearly so firm in my past convictions as I pretended to be.

None of these are a pleasant thing to own up to. None of them show me in a very good light. All of them make me a fool and/or a liar. Any other principles that I still claim to maintain are now suspect, because I’ve already shown the capacity to abandon one of them. This creates a motivation to hide our vices, to let people go on thinking that we are still as saintly as they had assumed, thus adding another layer of deceit to our story.

For the Better)

Now let us examine the example of me giving up a bad habit, changing my life for the better. In this case, there is still a friction against changing my story. For one, I might have the sense that my present company have something over me in that they knew the old me, the worst me, the me who openly did the things I now say I don’t do. I might be worried that these people will see my new efforts as nothing more than an act, a forced performance and not my true character. They might be anchors, trying to pull me back to what they think is the “real” me, even though I am trying to reject that version.

Not only this, but if I have done these bad habits with others, they may feel judged by my rejection of that behavior. I might say that I don’t judge them for doing that which I now consider inexcusable in myself, but that is inconsistent. I am now opposed to a part of my old self that still loves on in my friends’ current selves, so in truth I am now rejecting a part of who they are.

These two factors create a pull back towards our old ways. We are motivated to undo our story rewrite.

Is Change Possible?)

Whether for the better or the worse, change implies that there something wrong and deceitful about yourself either in the past or the present. Making a change means admitting to your flawed nature, your unreliableness, and your uncertainty. Is it any wonder, then, that so few people seem to change? Some people even believe that no one can really change. They say that people can only alter their outer behaviors from time-to-time, but will still be the same person at their core.

I don’t think the situation is quite that severe, though the difficulty of true transformation should never be understated. I think it would be more accurate to say: a man really can change, even for the better, but more often than not it takes an act of God to do it!

Posted on by Abe Austin

We Can’t Talk: Part Five

This series of posts started due to a difficult conversation I had with my coworker about transgenderism. I mentioned how awkward it feels when talking about “hot topic” issues such as this, and how I resent that awkwardness. I explained that I want to learn how to talk openly and respectfully about these important matters.

But having concluded all this, I would be a hypocrite if I then allowed the conversation with my coworker to remain in the awkward state we had left it in. Here, at the end of this series, I want to report that my coworker and I had a follow-up conversation just a couple days ago. Though, to be honest, we almost didn’t. I saw the opportunity for a private word, and I almost let it pass by. I still felt all the same anxiety about speaking openly, and it seemed it would be much easier to just let the moment pass by in silence. But because of the things I discussed in these posts, I knew that I had to take the chance and see what came of it even so.

And…it was great! I acknowledged the awkwardness of the prior conversation, my coworker echoed those sentiments, and then we spent our time agreeing that we didn’t like things feeling that way and wishing that this sort of communication came more naturally. I made it perfectly clear where I stood on certain stances, but also reaffirmed my friendship in spite of our differences. My coworker did not act surprised or offended in the least, but neither did she try to make any false concessions to my views. We both showed respect for the other’s different perspective.

So yes, this conversation was difficult to get started, but it stopped being painful about two sentences in. I really feel like a great weight has been lifted off. I feel that we won’t have to avoid the elephant in the room any longer. I feel closer to my coworker now that we are both able to be genuine and honest. And I don’t have to worry what my coworker would think if she found out about my opinions. If she raises a social or political point in the future, she’ll already know that I probably respectfully disagree.

Of course, I can’t guarantee that every conversation with someone of different viewpoints will go as smoothly as this one did. My own conversation could have put a real wound in our relationship, but I remain convinced that making an honest enemy would still be better than remaining a deceitful ally. I know that I won’t hate someone else because they have a difference of opinion. On the other hand, if there’s someone in my life who would choose to hate me for my opinions, then that’s something worth knowing sooner rather than later.

I’ll leave this subject for now, but rest assured I will endeavor to continue living forthrightly, respectfully and earnestly. I will continue to express the perspectives that I think matter most, and I will strive to be at peace with whatever attitude is given in return.

Posted on by Abe Austin

We Can’t Talk: Part One

I expressed my intention to resume my verse-by-verse scripture study, but something came up, and I need to go over it this week. The verse-by-verse study will begin next Monday.

What came up was a stressful and anxious conversation at work. It was pronounced enough to make me stop and consider what was going on, and what it all meant. The conversation started innocuous enough, my coworkers and I were discussing the new Hogwarts Legacy game that recently released. Everything was fun and light-hearted until one of my coworkers expressed disappointment that this otherwise appealing game was tied to a “transphobe” like J. K. Rowling. Another coworker challenged that statement, defending Rowling, and the two had an extremely awkward and tense exchange.

Their discussion was by no means insulting or disparaging. In fact, both of the coworkers spoke very deliberately and haltingly, couching their statements in all manner of caveats and disclaimers. I imagine that the two of them were trying to filter anything out of their speech that might escalate the disagreement. I assume so, because I was also doing that very thing. I wanted to express my own strongly-held opinions, but I was also terrified of ruining our work-friend relationships. Combing through every possible statement was mentally exhausting, and I only ended up making one small contribution to the discussion. As you might imagine, such a self-conscious and labored conversation quickly fizzled out. In less than a minute one of the other coworkers threw out a change of topic and we all clung to it like a life preserver. The tense exchange was over.

Or at least, it was over on the surface. My mind was still firmly on the experience we had just had. Why had it gone down that way? Why had it been so hard to speak? Is it really impossible to express our passionate and contrasting opinions in a way that doesn’t ruin relationships?

I know they say that politics and religion are the two things you must never talk about if you want a friendship to last, but something inside of me balks at that notion. Are we really expected to muzzle ourselves around the most important discussions of our day? Would it really be better that we reserve these conversations for flame-wars with complete strangers on the internet that accomplish nothing? No! We need to be able to have these hard discussions face-to-face with the people we have the most influence with.

Because, make no mistake, we do need influence and persuade. “Hot topic” items like transgenderism, racial differences, and abortion are the exact things that our society needs to work out today. Every society throughout all time has had their own controversial issues that they were responsible to give an answer to. Some of them handled it well and history looks at them fondly. Some of them handled it poorly and history looks at them disdainfully. Some of them completely abdicated their responsibility, turning the decision over to a select few who used that power to execute horrifying agendas. This led to the massacre of millions and decades-long regressions until the common people were finally willing to take back their voice and demand something better.

So no, these can’t be conversations that are reserved exclusively for the internet forums, or the debate halls, or the chambers of government. We, the everyday people, need to be able to engage in the conversation face-to-face, or else our chances of making the right decisions drops precipitously. If there is any takeaway from the conversation I had with my coworkers, it is that many of us are not able to talk about these all-important issues, and this is a very disturbing fact. We should all be very concerned for what it portends.

Over the rest of this week, I want to discuss this situation in more depth, and hopefully provide inspiration for us all to do the hard work that is ours to do.