If we think that people hundreds of years ago had morally despicable views, and that now we have a better view of the truth, we ought to consider why. What beliefs and values did our forefathers foster that led them to become more moral, leading to where we are now?
And if we are now prying those beliefs and values from the public square, if we are rejecting the faith of the very people who made the world a better place, what do we expect to happen to our morality in the next hundred years?
Changing behavior
Without changing the heart
Is building new structure
On a crumbling foundation
Stop trying to change the world. When people use that term today, all they mean is finding fault elsewhere and making others change.
Which doesn’t work, because they are doing the same thing, finding fault in you, and trying to make you change.
And in this cycle no one actually changes. They only become more entrenched.
So, stop trying to change the world.
Just change yourself.
Maybe even if I change
The world will stay the same
But on the other hand,
How can the world ever change
If I’m still staying the same
In this little series of posts, it was my sole intention to act out the principle I had recently espoused, to put my behavior where my belief was. And so, in the aftermath of Charlie Kirk’s death I identified a way that I contributed to the culture that got him killed, and I took steps to change my behavior accordingly.
But that wasn’t all that came out of these posts. By going through this exercise, I was able to more fully flesh out some of the vague ideas that originally inspired my call for us to find our own personal responsibility in every ill that besets us.
I realized that a major reason for us all to seek out our own slice of responsibility is because that is the only way that the world will ever be healed. Some problems are just too big for some of us to solve it for everyone else. Everyone has to tackle the part that is directly in front of them.
We must not have the arrogance to think that we can divide ourselves into fixers and problems. We all have to see that we are each a fixer, and we are each a problem in and of ourselves. And so, we must take our fixer part and use it on our own problem part, and only by doing this individually can we heal collectively.
I invite all of us to start looking at the big problems of the world in this way. I suspect it will be best if we look at the deepest problems, things much more fundamental than politics or ideological divides. Let us consider the hate, the poverty, the deceit, the confusion, and the loneliness. For once, let us set aside who is most responsible for these issues, and just ask, “to what extent am I responsible?”
Is there something negative that we are doing that we could stop? Is there something positive that we should be doing that we are shirking? Can we truly say that we have a clean conscience? That we have contributed nothing to the problem? That we have done our part to contribute to the solution? Or is there room for improvement, room for taking the beam out of our own eyes, room to re-establish heaven in our little corner of the world?
In my last post I explained how I feel that I have given my attention to social media that escalates tension and promotes an “us vs them” mentality. I have been more likely to click on a video because the thumbnail or title promised outrage and blame. And in so doing, I have signaled to the algorithms that I, and people like me, want to engage with this sort of content, want to consume it, and want to be emotionally charged by it. And it’s not hard to see how that drives division, animosity, and eventually violent ideation in the most impressionable of minds.
And so, with yesterday’s post I made a commitment that I was going to stop engaging in this cycle of escalation and tension. I have gone through all of my subscriptions and purged the voices that were most divisive and angry. I am resolving to lessen their reach by at least one viewer, and by that take accountability for my own, little slice of the murder of Charlie Kirk.
I think that that conclusion is pragmatic and realistic. Of course, to be honest, it has its limitations. It is not as though that I am equally responsible for the murder of Charlie Kirk as some other people are, or that I have the power within me to change everything wrong that led to his murder. This moment of introspection wasn’t about convincing myself that I’m guilty of his murder or making it my sole responsibility to make sure something like that never happens again. That would not be realistic. This moment was about seeing how I am guilty of some things, and how those parts are in my power to change.
This isn’t about changing everything; it’s about changing me. And that might not seem important from the scope of the world, but it is important from the scope of me. My own world and my own soul will be better for making this change, and right now that’s what I want to focus on.
Also, who knows. I’ve seen in the past where I’ve made changes to myself and then seen parallel shifts happening in the world at large. I actually do believe that our spirits are bigger than we think, and that they pull on more strands than we know, and one person making a change for himself can create unseen ripples in the world around him.
More than anything, though, I think the real importance of making a personal change comes down to this: the world is much bigger than I am and requires much more effort to be moved, so if I won’t find the will to change just myself, then obviously the world won’t either. Or in other words, maybe the world will stay the same even if I change, but how can the world ever change, if I’m still staying the same?
I don’t typically comment on world events or change my post lineup for special days. The way I see it, gospel study should be a constant in life, something steady and reliable, no matter what else is going on. So, whether it’s a special day or a mundane one, whether a happy day or sad, studying the gospel remains my rock through it all, and I try to have this blog reflect that.
But I recently saw a connection between something I wrote a couple weeks ago, and the assassination of Charlie Kirk, and I thought it might be instructive to talk about it.
First of all, let me emphatically renounce the assassination itself. It was evil, and cowardly evil at that. As Isaac Asimov said, “Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.” Anyone that feels any sort of satisfaction from the occurrence, and celebrated it, is also evil, and cowardly evil. Those that commit and celebrate violence upon the innocent are devolving from the divine to the animal.
In the face of such abhorrent evil, it is only natural to ask, “how did we get here?” and “what can we do about it now?”
And these are the questions that brought me back to my post from two weeks ago. On September 5, I shared this simple prayer:
May my first reaction to every problem in the world
And every problem in my personal life
Be "What did I do to contribute to this?"
Well, that was my prayer at the time, but will I actually hold to its ideals in this moment? Will I say that only people other than myself need to change? Will I comfort myself with the assurance that I’m ‘one of the good ones’ and that I contributed nothing to what transpired? Or will I try to find some piece, even if it is small, that I can take accountability for?
Over the next three days I want to take my intentions and make them into actions. I want to look at this terrible thing that happened and see what I can change about myself as a response to it. I want to take ownership for the ways that my behavior has helped build a culture that produces tragedies such as these. I want to be realistic, and pragmatic, and honest.
I want to do this, because I truly believe it is my responsibility to do so. I believe it is the responsibility of us all. Only by focusing first and foremost on our own accountability will we become innocent of the world’s evil and transcend it. If enough of us take accountability, then we will transcend the world’s evil by changing the world so that events like these don’t happen anymore. Or, if not of us take accountability to accomplish that, we will at least transcend the world by no longer being part of the cycle that creates moments like these. Either collectively or individually, we can only create a better world by each of us taking accountability for ourselves.
In my last post I spoke about my personal experience with living on a spiritual plateau, one where I was basically good, but not making any real or notable sacrifices, not really living any differently than any other “good citizen.” To anyone looking at me from the outside, I was stagnant and consistent.
But that was only from the outside perspective. The truth is, at this time of outer stagnation, I was on a moral decline in my private life, crossing new barriers in my descent into deeper and deeper addiction. So, in reality, I wasn’t holding steady at all. I was in a moral freefall, and every day of external normalcy was just another lie digging me deeper beneath the surface.
My experience has made me wonder how many people really do live on a moral plateau. Is it actually primarily two groups of people, the truly striving and the downward falling, and it’s just that some of the downward falling put on a facade of plateau normalcy?
I do believe that there are some genuine plateau-dwellers, but I’ve definitely learned that people can be making invisible movements beneath the surface for a long, long time before there is any outward sign of how they have degenerated. When their moral life seems to suddenly collapse into a sinkhole, you can be sure that that didn’t just develop overnight.
But what about the other way around? Is it possible for someone to be improving morally in invisible ways, suddenly thrusting up to new heights seemingly out of the blue? I think so. I believe that we see this exact sort of pattern many times in the scriptures. Think of Moses, fled from Egypt, spending an entire life herding sheep for his father-in-law in Midian. We don’t hear of any great moments of huge moral development during that long sojourn, but it seems likely that he was being prepared, bit by bit, until he was ready to lead God’s people.
Perhaps as Moses abandoned his Egyptian way of life, he learned to surrender any personal plans. Perhaps while tending to the sheep, he developed a sense of leadership. Perhaps in his daily prayers, he developed the ability to obey God in everything, even if he might grumble along the way!
It seems likely to me that Moses was slowly accruing moral fortitude, and then when the divine call came, it appeared to the outside world that he was suddenly surging forward with new spiritual conviction and power!
This is why judgment of the soul is impossible to the mortal man. Only God and our own conscience can tell us how we’re moving beneath the surface, whether we are sinking into secret sin, or building silent strength. One day it may be clear to everyone, but until that pivotal moment, everything is a mystery from the outside view.
In my experience, we tend to be in one of three states in our moral development. The first is ascending, which means that we are progressively becoming better and better people. We are overcoming our bad habits, extending roots of determination and commitment, and moving forward to the sort of man or woman that we want to be.
The second is to be descending, where our bad habits are becoming more pronounced, and new ones are starting. We are willing to go to greater and greater lengths of immorality in pursuit of self-satisfaction. We either have no intention to improve or are declining in spite of our wishes to be better.
The third is to be on a plateau, where we are maintaining a certain level of morality. We may have some virtues, but we are not increasing in them. We may have some vices, but we are not increasing in those either. Perhaps we want to be better but aren’t able to make the change, or perhaps we’re just fine with where we’re at.
Of course, just because a person is in one of these modes of being on a particular day does not mean that they will always be so. There are many who have sought moral improvement, made some changes, then stagnated, then reverted back to previous failures. There are many who have started out a sinner, then paused when the toll on their soul became too much, then committed to a life of improvement. Thus, we can move up and down through these phases, and many of us do so many times throughout our lives.
With this study I want to consider how we find ourselves in each of these phases, why we move from one to the next, why we fail to improve when we really want to, and why we find success when we aren’t even looking for it.
These are no small questions. Psychologists have long noted the great divide between how people mean to be, and how they actually are, which is a very conflicting puzzle. Hopefully this study will be able to shed some light on the matter.
We are a culture that approaches God by first establishing a foundation of worldly ideals that we believe in, and then trying to make Him fit them. We reject God or alter Him because He simply doesn’t match our modern presuppositions about what ultimate good is supposed to be.
Some require a God who isn’t patriarchal. Some require a God who doesn’t wage war on His enemies. Some require a God whose sovereignty doesn’t supersede our own authority. Some require a God who can be validated by scientific methods. Some require a God who is socially progressive.
In these cases, feminism or pacifism or individualism or materialism or progressivism are our first God, and for God to be God He must be in alignment with that first ideal, or He must not exist at all. He is forced to fit, or He is discarded.
This is, of course, an inversion of the proper order. When man recognizes that he has a different life philosophy than God he is supposed to change himself to conform with the Almighty, not change the Almighty to conform with him!
Let us note that differences between God’s ideal and our own is inevitable. Even setting aside personal selfishness and flaws, our modern culture has been far removed from the Judeo-Christian ethic for a while now, and we have been immersed in that climate from before we had any understanding at all. Even if we were raised in a traditional, Christian home, it is certain that we have absorbed presuppositions that we are not even aware of, reasons why we feel that we cannot accept God entirely as He has been described to us.
I have never met the person who did not have some baked-in misunderstanding of the Lord, including myself. I have never met the person who did not struggle with some aspect of who God is declared to be. This is a common challenge that we all grapple with in one way or another. Indeed, we could make a case that most of our path of discipleship is simply us coming to terms with God as He is, surrendering our inclination to try and change Him, and choosing to change ourselves instead.
There is a little more that I wish to say on this subject, but I will save it for a second post tomorrow.
Spiritual Wanderings 