Posted on by Abe Austin

Unfulfilled Dreams- It Isn’t the Same

Years of Longing)

I’ve wanted a dog for as long as I can remember. I used to watch movies as a boy like Old Yeller, Beethoven, Benji, Homeward Bound, Iron Will, and Balto, then beg my parents to let us get a puppy. I honestly don’t know how my mother felt about it, but my father was always against them. He had grown up with pets, lots of them, and had no interest in dealing with them again. We did get goldfish a couple of times, but that was it. Left to no other recourse, my siblings and I would make pets out of whatever we could. We would catch bugs and put them in jars, make “alien baby dolls” out of paper, and play pretend where my sister would discover the rest of us as wolves in the wild and lead our pack.

It just wasn’t the same.

Of course, eventually I grew up. And for a long time, I had many distractions to keep me from getting a dog. I was going through school, I was starting my career, my wife and I had a newborn, and then another, and then another. We’ve been building our little kingdom for thirteen years now, and just a few weeks ago it started to dawn on me that we had reached a certain level of stability. We have our own home, with a fenced-in yard, no major projects going on, and the kids just got on summer break. So I spoke to my wife about how this was the first really convenient time for us to have a dog of our own. Things moved very fast, and 48 hours later I introduced our new dog to our children!

Since that day, it has been a lot of fun! I’m really glad to finally have the dog that I’ve wanted for over thirty years. But…if I’m being honest…it isn’t the experience I’d always dreamed of.

Shifting Dreams)

In hindsight, it never could be. My dream had always been to have a dog in my childhood. I imagined going out exploring on summer days with my “good boy” by my side, letting him sneak into my room to sleep on my bed, and having a friend and a protector who would never leave. But things just don’t work out that way with a dog at this stage of life. These summer days I’m shut in the office, working to provide for the family. The dog tries to sneak onto the bed, but I can’t stop thinking about how dirty those paws are and tell her to get off. And I’m much more the protector than that dog will ever be.

Like I said, in hindsight, this is obvious, but in the days following getting the dog, it came as a real disappointment. I can still have a good experience with this dog, and I really am doing so, it’s just never going to be the “good experience” I had always dreamed of. That dream was inseparably connected to being a specific age, and I’m simply not that age any longer. That dream is gone, and that’s all there is to it.

But you know who that dream isn’t gone from? My kids. From my ten-year-old to my three-year-old, each one of them has spent hours each day playing, chasing, and laughing with the dog. They’re excited to feed it, excited to bathe it, even excited to scoop up its poop!

And so, my dreams need to shift around a fair bit. I have to let go of the old dream that was no longer possible. I have to accept the new dream, which is still good, but different from what the old one was. And I have to be content to see the old dream live on in my own children. This whole experience got me thinking about other dreams and hopes I’ve had for my life, including ones yet unrealized for my adult life. I realized some important lessons there, too. Ones that I will share in my next post.

Posted on by Abe Austin

Reasons for Disbelief- The Perceived Immaturity in Childhood Things

The Evolution of My Faith)

When I was a child I had a very simple faith in the gospel. I simply believed what I had been taught, and I accepted it without question. As I became an adolescent and a young man, I became far more critical of my beliefs, requiring more concrete reasons to believe in them. I took apart each component of my theology and tried to understand its purpose and prove whether it was worthy of my devotion or not.

Fortunately, my critical examination proved to be extremely rewarding. I came to realize there were far richer reasons to believe in the gospel than “because my parents said so.” It turned out that the evidence for the gospel was deep and varied, and the curious, critical mind could plumb its depths forever, constantly finding greater meaning and greater justification in faith.

False Maturity)

Looking back, I see what my thought process was as an adolescent and young adult. My logic was that if I had once been a child, and had a simple mind, then anything that I believed in in that state was likely also childish and simplistic. Thus, my childhood faith became suspect merely by association.

And, to be sure, some overly-simplistic childhood notions were discovered, such as believing that society was comprised purely of “bad guys” that always did what was wrong and “good guys” that never did. But there was also much of my old belief system that turned out to be even truer than I had ever known.

Sadly, I know others who reached their adolescent, skeptical phase and never progressed any further. They let their skepticism call into question their faith, but they didn’t seek a meaningful answer. They didn’t conduct their own research or dive deeper to find out the truth of the matter. They found it easier to throw out baby Jesus with Santa Clause, discarding the pale imitations of faith without ever finding the genuine article. The skeptic who does not find the real truth hardens into a cynic, actively resisting any further opportunities for growth.

Such an individual has arrested their intended development. Normally it is a good thing to pass through the phase of skepticism, culling the mind of everything that is superstitious and unfounded while deepening one’s roots into the truer truth that remains. But like many blessings, skepticism is two-sided, becoming a curse to those that misuse it.

***

This is Reason #1 for Disbelief: being stuck at an adolescent stage of skepticism, having pushed out all childhood beliefs and becoming hardened and cynical through the process.

There are other reasons for disbelief, and I will examine them over the next few days. I hope this series will be helpful to those who have temporarily lost their way, as well as those trying to rescue a loved one. All the world will be better when all of us can better believe.