Posted on by Abe Austin

Unfulfilled Dreams- Never How You Think

Years of Longing)

In the last post I shared the recent experience I’ve had of getting a dog, something I wanted ever since I was a child, and the realization that so much of that dream was specific to my childhood and therefore had to be let go as something that could never be fulfilled. This was an interesting experience and it got me thinking about other dreams that I still have.

Probably the most prominent of those dreams is the one for my own career. I’ve often fantasized about being able to start a small business and spending my working hours on projects that I personally care about. My degree in college was Computer Science with an Animation Emphasis. I’ve been able to do a lot with the Computer Science, programming websites and applications for large businesses, but I haven’t really been able to do anything with the Animation Emphasis part. I did try to make a go of it in the Video Game industry when I first graduated from college, but the experience was very distasteful and made me promise to myself that I would only venture back into there on my own terms.

I long to make my own software, my own animation tools, my own gaming engines, my own games. The dream is to be able to subsist entirely off of these personal creative projects, maybe even earn enough to hire another developer or two and build fun things together. I’ve started many projects that I hoped could become my first product, but I’ve always petered out before I had anything that could actually be sold.

Still, I dream of success. I dream of one day making something that’s just good enough. It doesn’t need to be a great hit, it doesn’t have to become famous, but I would want it to be successful enough to quit my 9-to-5 and justify working full-time for myself.

But then, I remember what it was like finally getting the dog I’d always wanted, and that sure didn’t play out as expected. Would it be the same with this?

Inevitable Disappointment)

I’m sure it would be. I cannot think of a single time in my life where I’ve imagined how something would go, and then it was exactly what I’d expected. Serving a mission for my church, going to college, driving a car, getting a job, getting married, having children, owning a home…the list goes on and on. Not a one of these played out how I had envisioned. Some of them were better than expected, some worse, some just different, but never how I thought. Surely it would be the same with my fantasies of starting my own business. Surely not everything would be good about the experience. There would certainly be monotony, tedious paperwork, setbacks, anxiety…yet none of these feature in my fantasies.

The more I fantasize the experience of forging out on my own, the more I set myself up for disappointment. I don’t think that it’s bad for me to have this goal, and I think it genuinely would be good to achieve it, but if I’m too married to a particular image of how it’s supposed to be, I’m likely to receive a good thing and be put off by it still the same.

What I’ve come to realize is that some dreams have to be given up entirely. The timing passes, the opportunity disappears, or there is no assurance it will ever happen. Other dreams can still be retained, but the idea of exactly how they play out must be surrendered. I can have my dreams, but it’s probably best to keep them vague and broad. I can be in love with the idea of owning my own creative business, while leaving the exact manifestation of that open to interpretation.

Having no dreams is a recipe for living a lackluster life. Having too specific of dreams is a recipe for never being satisfied with what you get. Ambition is fine, but let God work out the details, and be happy for what good you do receive, not sullying it by obsessing on what you didn’t.

Posted on by Abe Austin

Unfulfilled Dreams- It Isn’t the Same

Years of Longing)

I’ve wanted a dog for as long as I can remember. I used to watch movies as a boy like Old Yeller, Beethoven, Benji, Homeward Bound, Iron Will, and Balto, then beg my parents to let us get a puppy. I honestly don’t know how my mother felt about it, but my father was always against them. He had grown up with pets, lots of them, and had no interest in dealing with them again. We did get goldfish a couple of times, but that was it. Left to no other recourse, my siblings and I would make pets out of whatever we could. We would catch bugs and put them in jars, make “alien baby dolls” out of paper, and play pretend where my sister would discover the rest of us as wolves in the wild and lead our pack.

It just wasn’t the same.

Of course, eventually I grew up. And for a long time, I had many distractions to keep me from getting a dog. I was going through school, I was starting my career, my wife and I had a newborn, and then another, and then another. We’ve been building our little kingdom for thirteen years now, and just a few weeks ago it started to dawn on me that we had reached a certain level of stability. We have our own home, with a fenced-in yard, no major projects going on, and the kids just got on summer break. So I spoke to my wife about how this was the first really convenient time for us to have a dog of our own. Things moved very fast, and 48 hours later I introduced our new dog to our children!

Since that day, it has been a lot of fun! I’m really glad to finally have the dog that I’ve wanted for over thirty years. But…if I’m being honest…it isn’t the experience I’d always dreamed of.

Shifting Dreams)

In hindsight, it never could be. My dream had always been to have a dog in my childhood. I imagined going out exploring on summer days with my “good boy” by my side, letting him sneak into my room to sleep on my bed, and having a friend and a protector who would never leave. But things just don’t work out that way with a dog at this stage of life. These summer days I’m shut in the office, working to provide for the family. The dog tries to sneak onto the bed, but I can’t stop thinking about how dirty those paws are and tell her to get off. And I’m much more the protector than that dog will ever be.

Like I said, in hindsight, this is obvious, but in the days following getting the dog, it came as a real disappointment. I can still have a good experience with this dog, and I really am doing so, it’s just never going to be the “good experience” I had always dreamed of. That dream was inseparably connected to being a specific age, and I’m simply not that age any longer. That dream is gone, and that’s all there is to it.

But you know who that dream isn’t gone from? My kids. From my ten-year-old to my three-year-old, each one of them has spent hours each day playing, chasing, and laughing with the dog. They’re excited to feed it, excited to bathe it, even excited to scoop up its poop!

And so, my dreams need to shift around a fair bit. I have to let go of the old dream that was no longer possible. I have to accept the new dream, which is still good, but different from what the old one was. And I have to be content to see the old dream live on in my own children. This whole experience got me thinking about other dreams and hopes I’ve had for my life, including ones yet unrealized for my adult life. I realized some important lessons there, too. Ones that I will share in my next post.

Posted on by Abe Austin

The Richness of Scriptural Symbolism- Symbols Within Symbols

Yesterday we looked at the story of Joseph interpreting the Pharaoh’s dream, in which seven sickly and evil cattle consumed seven that were fat and good. We discussed how this was a symbol for the many times that evil has sucked the life out of that which was once virtuous and worthy, until its beauty and sweetness can no longer be remembered.

I also mentioned that there was another, larger symbol at play, but that before I could examine it, we needed to consider another story that strongly echoed that of Joseph and the Pharaoh. Today we will look at that story, and as we do, take note of how familiar it feels.

The Man of Many Parts)

This example comes from Daniel 2, which once again begins with a ruler, this time Nebuchadnezzar, king of Babylon. And, once again, this ruler had a strange dream, and none of his wise men could help him understand it, but again there was a foreign youth named Daniel who had the power to both describe and interpret his dream.

In the king’s dream, he saw a statue with a golden head, a silver torso, brass thighs, iron legs, and feet made of iron mingled in clay. Then, a great stone came and smashed the statue into pieces.

This was the symbol, and Daniel gave the king the interpretation of it: each segment of the statue represented a great kingdom that would rule supreme over the earth. Babylon was the first one of gold, but it would be superseded by another, then another, then another. With the benefit of hindsight, we can now identify all the four kingdoms as Babylon, Persia, Greece, and Rome. But all of these mighty kingdoms would eventually be broken apart by the stone, which was the kingdom of heaven.

So, there we have the immediate interpretation of it, but is there any more general reading possible? I think so. I see a broad symbol here of how mankind’s creation and power will be upended by the touch of God. Yes, it has happened in God’s kingdom expanding while all the nations that Daniel foresaw have toppled, but it also happened much earlier when God confounded the language of the people building the Tower of Babel, turning their great enterprise into chaos. It also happened when Egypt, the greatest kingdom of its time, was brought to its knees by the plagues of Moses. It happened when all the civilization in Noah’s age was drowned in the flood. I have a suspicion that it is also a foreshadowing of something yet to come, a time when our highly vaunted technology and science will be greatly frustrated by the touch of God in some way.

The Bigger Picture)

But all of this is just the inner symbol. As I have already illustrated, this story of Daniel and Nebuchadnezzar is practically a remake of Joseph and the Pharaoh. In both cases a ruler had a vision that he could not understand, but the youthful foreigner who knew God was able to make it clear. That seems to be a pattern of meaning, a representation of the righteous youth being a refresher for the old and mighty. It speaks to change and transition.

And notice, too, how Joseph foresaw a time of good being supplanted by one of evil, while Daniel saw the inverse: kingdoms of fallen man being supplanted by one of the divine. Also consider the timing of each one in the larger Israelite narrative. One vision came shortly before a time of slavery, the other just after coming into a new time of imprisonment. One came just before the birth of nation, the other just after its death.

Both of these young seers foresaw a pattern of evil and good overtaking one another. Together they saw the two halves of a cycle, a repeating dance that defined their people, and also the broader world. Good prevails, then wanes, then evil surges, then good prevails. It is the story of us all, and it is symbolized in the story of these stories.

Posted on by Abe Austin

The Richness of Scriptural Symbolism- The Pharaoh’s Dream

Thus far we have looked at symbols that were lived experiences (Jacob and Esau, Barabbas) or that were parables (the Prodigal Son, the poor man and his sheep). Today we now consider a symbol that was an image in a dream.

Seven Fat and Sickly Cattle)

This example comes from Genesis 41, in which we learn that the Pharaoh of Egypt received a strange dream that greatly troubled him. He sought an interpretation from all of his wise men, but none of them could explain it. Finally, his butler told him about Joseph, a foreign youth that he had met in jail, who possessed great interpretive powers from God. Joseph was summoned, and the Pharaoh recounted his dream to him.

In the dream, seven fat cattle emerged from the river and fed in the meadow. After them came seven more that were sickly and unpleasant, and they ate all of the fat cattle. But even though they ate such a fat meal, the seven remained just as scrawny and sickly as before.

This was the symbol, and Joseph gave the Pharaoh the interpretation of it: the seven fat cattle were seven good years with a bounteous crop and the seven sickly cattle were seven years of famine that would follow. The seven years of famine would so thoroughly eradicate the abundance of the good years, that it would be as if the abundance had never even occurred.

So, there we have the specific interpretation of it, but are there any other possible interpretations? I think so. I see in this a general concept of evil overtaking good and leaving none of it behind. This pattern can be seen in many specific instances in our lives. We see this in the addict who does shameful actions in secret and tries to cover them with an overabundance of external good deeds. The good on the surface is hollow, and does him no benefit, because he does them all with a guilty heart, so he remains as guilty and shameful as he always was. We see any time a wealthy man leaves an inheritance to a foolish and wasteful son, who then squanders all the riches until none of it is left, and he remains as foolish and wasteful as he always was.

I believe that this symbol has many universal applications, in addition to the specific one that Joseph gave to Pharaoh.

As it turns out, there is another symbol at play here, but before I can explain it, we need to consider another story that follows this exact same pattern. The similarities between that story and this one are uncanny, which speaks to the fact that they are cut from the same symbolic cloth. We will dive into that other story, and the shared theme between it and this one, tomorrow.

Posted on by Abe Austin

Scriptural Analysis- Genesis 41:25-28

25 And Joseph said unto Pharaoh, The dream of Pharaoh is one: God hath shewed Pharaoh what he is about to do.

26 The seven good kine are seven years; and the seven good ears are seven years: the dream is one.

27 And the seven thin and ill favoured kine that came up after them are seven years; and the seven empty ears blasted with the east wind shall be seven years of famine.

28 This is the thing which I have spoken unto Pharaoh: What God is about to do he sheweth unto Pharaoh.

Yesterday I theorized that the one river and the one stalk from which the cattle and grain emerged was representative of God Himself. Joseph’s introductory statement that “God hath shewed Pharaoh what he is about to do,” seems to support that theory. God is the source of what is about transpire, the bounty and the deprivation, all are in His hand.

Joseph then proceeds to give a rapid identification for each of the separate parts of the dreams. The good cattle and grain are seven good years, the ill cattle and grain are seven years of famine. And now that he has defined all of the main players, he will drop the allegories, and plainly iterate exactly what is about to transpire.

And now that I look back to Joseph’s interpretations of the butler and baker’s dreams, this was the same method he took with them as well. First, he turned the symbols into their corresponding representations: “the three branches are three days,” and “the three branches are three days.” Then he dropped the similes and spoke in plain terms. “Yet within three days shall Pharaoh lift up thine head, and restore thee unto thy place,” and “Yet within three days shall Pharaoh lift up thy head from off thee, and shall hang thee on a tree.”

I had not noticed this pattern in Joseph’s dream-interpreting until now. This method seems effective at making sure that all of the dreamer’s questions will be answered. They will know why they saw what they saw, and they will know what it means.

Posted on by Abe Austin

Scriptural Analysis- Genesis 41:22-24

22 And I saw in my dream, and, behold, seven ears came up in one stalk, full and good:

23 And, behold, seven ears, withered, thin, and blasted with the east wind, sprung up after them:

24 And the thin ears devoured the seven good ears: and I told this unto the magicians; but there was none that could declare it to me.

I mentioned last time that Pharaoh spent far more time describing the sickly cattle than the well ones, and he also spent far more time describing the first dream than he spends here on the second. Evidently the sight of cattle consuming their own kind made far more of an impression than withered stalks consuming healthy ones. But as we will soon find out, it is the dream of grain that is a closer representation of what will soon befall the land. The famine will presumably affect the crops first, and the creatures secondarily.

Something I missed in the first recounting of the dreams is that they show the seven goodly specimens emerge from one source. With the cattle the source was the river, and for the ears it was a single stalk. I don’t know what the significance of that singular source is. Perhaps it is representative of God, stating that He is personally sending these changes?

In any case, Pharaoh complains to Joseph a second time that none of his magicians were able to tell the meaning of these dreams, and at last we are about to hear Joseph’s answer.

Posted on by Abe Austin

Scriptural Analysis- Genesis 41:17-21

17 And Pharaoh said unto Joseph, In my dream, behold, I stood upon the bank of the river:

18 And, behold, there came up out of the river seven kine, fatfleshed and well favoured; and they fed in a meadow:

19 And, behold, seven other kine came up after them, poor and very ill favoured and leanfleshed, such as I never saw in all the land of Egypt for badness:

20 And the lean and the ill favoured kine did eat up the first seven fat kine:

21 And when they had eaten them up, it could not be known that they had eaten them; but they were still ill favoured, as at the beginning. So I awoke.

Pharaoh repeats his dream to Joseph, and in his recounting we gain a few new details. First of all, we learn that the ill cattle looked worse than any specimen Pharaoh had ever seen before. We will soon learn that these seven cattle represent a famine, and presumably it will also be worse than any other that had come before.

Another detail is that though the seven ill cattle consume the favorable, they somehow do not grow any fatter. They still appear as thin and sickly as before. This will also become a detail in Joseph’s interpretation, meaning that the bounty of the first seven years, if not carefully managed, will mean nothing when replaced by the seven years of famine. All the splendor will be consumed and more.

Something else that stands out to me in Pharaoh’s retelling is where he puts his focus. In the first account, given from a third-person, omniscient perspective, there was an equal amount of time describing the seven good cattle and the seven poor cattle. In Pharaoh’s recounting, though, there is far more emphasis on the sickly batch. Clearly their haunting visage made a deep and emotional impression on him, and he spends more than three times as many words discussing them as the fat ones!

However, the presence of the seven fat cattle was not given only as a point of contrast to the seven sickly. Each group represents an important message. And thankfully for Pharaoh, even though Joseph hears such a biased account of the dream, by the grace of God the significance of both halves is preserved in his interpretation.

Posted on by Abe Austin

Scriptural Analysis- Genesis 41:8

8 And it came to pass in the morning that his spirit was troubled; and he sent and called for all the magicians of Egypt, and all the wise men thereof: and Pharaoh told them his dream; but there was none that could interpret them unto Pharaoh.

The very next morning Pharaoh is obsessed to know the meaning of his dreams. Note that he does not merely turn to whatever wise men or magicians are already in his court, right off the bat he wants to pull all of them in, throughout the entire kingdom!

And what an opportunity this would have created for these mystics. What better way to prove yourself, to show that you are the master of your craft? Here are all of your competitors gathered in one place and all of them stumped by the same dream. Surely if you could provide the proper interpretation, you would be the undisputed greatest of them all!

Except that not even a single one of them manages to do it! It’s the greatest opportunity of their lives and none of them can seize the moment. Perhaps they were too afraid to just make it up, to employ whatever trickery they used on their typical clients. If they did, and it was found out, then they would face the wrath of the most powerful man in the land!

The problem for all these mystics was that their power was likely based in smoke and mirrors, or chance and delusion. Maybe they were observant enough to find connections that most people missed, but this dream defied even the most imaginative of human intellects. Clearly the dream is foretelling something ominous, but the exact details of what are impossible to tell. No man could do it by his power alone.

Posted on by Abe Austin

Scriptural Analysis- Genesis 41:5-7

5 And he slept and dreamed the second time: and, behold, seven ears of corn came up upon one stalk, rank and good.

6 And, behold, seven thin ears and blasted with the east wind sprung up after them.

7 And the seven thin ears devoured the seven rank and full ears. And Pharaoh awoke, and, behold, it was a dream.

Pharaoh’s dream about the cows was unsettling enough, but when he fell asleep again the theme was repeated a second time, now with stalks of corn. This doubling of dreams is a pattern in the story of Joseph. It began with Joseph having two dreams about how his family would come to make obeisance to him. It continued with the baker and the butler each having a thematically similar dream in the prison. And now the Pharaoh’s dreams are doubled as well.

One reason for the doubling of these messages might be to ensure the recipient will recognize them as being from God. One stray dream might just be a random imagination of the mind, but the same idea being repeated in different representations suggests a conscious, deliberate mind behind it all.

In Pharaoh’s second dream he again has a resource, this time corn, coming rich and full in the number of seven. Then, as with the cattle, seven poor representations of the crop rise and consume the first. Specifically, we are told that the poor ears of corn are blasted by the “east wind,” which is an expression that shows up a few times in the Bible, used to denote ruin and famine.

Posted on by Abe Austin

Scriptural Analysis- Genesis 41:1-4

1 And it came to pass at the end of two full years, that Pharaoh dreamed: and, behold, he stood by the river.

2 And, behold, there came up out of the river seven well favoured kine and fatfleshed; and they fed in a meadow.

3 And, behold, seven other kine came up after them out of the river, ill favoured and leanfleshed; and stood by the other kine upon the brink of the river.

4 And the ill favoured and leanfleshed kine did eat up the seven well favoured and fat kine. So Pharaoh awoke.

I mentioned earlier that the each of the dreams Joseph had to interpret would be more inscrutable than the last. And indeed, it is extremely difficult to tell what specifically this dream of Pharaoh could possibly be about. Really only one thing is perfectly clear in it: that it is foretelling something ominous.

Something good arises from the stream, but then something evil emerges and consumes the good. It is abundantly clear why a person would be troubled by such a vision. Some doom is being forewarned, and to not know its interpretation means that one will be left helpless against it.

But there does seem to be a pattern to how Joseph interprets these dreams. Key elements in all three of the visions have been numbers and subjects (three vines, three baskets, seven cattle), where the vision takes place (in Pharaoh’s presence, upon the head, by the river), and what is happening to the subject (given in a cup, eaten by birds, feasting and being consumed). Something symbolized by a river, something symbolized by cattle, something bad happening to them, and something to do with the number seven…. Vague and foreboding.