Part of parenting is inviting our kids to become better, to challenge them beyond their limits so that they grow and know that they can grow. At the same time, we also need to be careful that we don’t put unrealistic or ill-fitting expectations on them that can breed resentment or demoralize them. It’s a fine line to walk, and worth considering how it can be managed. In fact, it is worth considering how God, Himself, manages to walk it with us so that we can learn from His example.

As I’ve pondered these questions, the answer that has come to mind is that it all comes down to how well one knows their child. Not how well they know who they wish their child was, but how well they know who the child actually is. God is so good at getting the best out of us because His knowledge of us runs straight to our core. He even states that, “Before I formed thee in the belly I knew thee,” (Jeremiah 1:5). He has a perfect understanding of our trajectory and can run through it to a point that lays naturally ahead of us, saying “this is who you were born to become.”

The mistake that too many earthly parents make is that we already have our child’s trajectory determined in our hearts before we even met them. We have chosen an arbitrary point of our own making, and we still require the child to meet it.

Put another way, whereas God holds up a vision of the child as his genuine best self, we too often hold up a vision of a made-up person that the child is not aligned with and will only hurt himself in trying to become. This latter approach sends a message of, “this is who you are not, and that’s a problem.”

Since God already holds the perfect perspective of each child’s natural trajectory and potential, we can never come to better vision for our child than His. Our ability to lead our child correctly will be entirely based on our own alignment with God. It will be by standing in the place where He is that we will have the proper perspective to see how to make our children flourish and not be discouraged.