Posted on by Abe Austin

Grit vs Surrender- What I Held Back

My Enslavement)

In my last post I promised that today I would share a personal example of my own struggles with vice, how I exerted great effort to overcome them and failed, but then found that freedom could come at a much simpler price.

I have already shared before about my addiction to pornography, and how I spent many years under its power. Perhaps some people do not feel guilty when they take their first steps into addiction, but I most certainly did. From the very first day, I was ashamed and disappointed with myself. From the very first day I tried to stop. I had fits and starts, I tried to make deals with God, I told myself again and again that this next time would be the last time. But no matter what I tried, I remained a slave to my lust for twenty long years.

Because for twenty years I wasn’t willing to try the one thing that would actually work.

Practically from the very start of my addiction, I knew that I needed to make confession. My conscience would consistently prick me to shine a light on this secret shame, but I would always make an excuse not to. I told myself that all I needed was God. He and I would work this out somehow, no one else needed to be involved. God would know how to fix me. That was ironic, given that I was deliberately ignoring what God was telling me to do in my heart.

For so many years I couldn’t make a confession because I couldn’t tolerate being seen by another person at that level of intimacy. It was a boundary that had never crossed in my life, not even in my marriage, and frankly I didn’t think I would ever be willing to have it crossed. That was the part of my autonomy that I kept holding on to, the surrender that I wasn’t willing to make.

Light Streams In)

Then, one day, I finally accepted that there was no salvation in the path that I was walking. I finally admitted to myself that I was getting worse, not better, and that as ashamed as I was of what I had done thus far, I would yet do things more shameful. I realized that for all of my attempts to keep myself whole, I was fracturing apart even so.

That was when I decided to finally make the surrender that God was asking of me. That was when I made my confession. Not just once, not just twice, but over and over again to my wife, to spiritual leaders, to therapists, to twelve-step groups, and even to all of you reading this blog. I surrendered my need for darkness, and finally let the light in.

There were other surrenders that came as a part of this, too. I surrendered my need to hate and punish myself. I surrendered my pride, my need to solve things on my own. I surrendered the fate of my future.

Making these surrenders wasn’t easy, but the transformation that followed them was. In fact, the transformation was effortless. The very changes that I had been trying so hard to make for twenty years took place on their own practically overnight. I didn’t have to wrestle them into submission, I didn’t have to choke them out, I didn’t have to force myself to be worthy by sheer force of will. None of that. I just changed, and there’s no explanation other than that God worked a miracle inside of me.

Now, to be clear, I am not saying that I am impervious to temptation now. I do still need to watch myself. I do still need to make deliberate choices to remain true to who I was born to be. I do still need to remove myself from situations that are going in a bad direction. But for the first time I actually can do those things, and they actually work! I am not free from temptation, but I am free to deny it.

In my following posts I will break down a few key themes in this story, but for now I hope it is clear that God’s way is not one of constant, painful exertion. Following Him and becoming a better person is supposed to be easy and joyful, not tedious and brutal. Jesus was really telling the truth when he said, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light” (Matthew 11:28, 30). In the following posts, we will examine more closely how that could be.

Posted on by Abe Austin

God Reaching for God

God is the standard to strive for, but He is also the activating agent that makes the striving possible. God lives outside of us, but also part of Him lives inside of us. Thus, it is God that reaches for God and God that raises God, and we simply are pulled along by the part of Him that is inside us.

Posted on by Abe Austin

From Failure to Faith

Those that say they will not follow God’s commandments until they are convinced that He is real overlook the fact that even the truly faithful regularly struggle to keep His commandments also. Even a strong belief in God’s reality does not suddenly cause us to swallow our appetites and live as perfect saints.

Indeed, it is our struggle with our moral behavior that leads so many of us to believe in God in the first place. Our belief in Him begins as we let go of our misplaced belief in ourselves. We try to change our hearts on our own, we consistently fail, we lose all trust in our own power, throw our last hope on a God that we are not sure of, and then experience a miracle as He changes what we never could.

Thus, the cynic’s disbelief of the Almighty and dismissal of the commandments is not due to having not explored God enough, but due to having not explored his own heart enough.

Posted on by Abe Austin

A Foundation Built on God- Ritual and Novelty

Daily Ritual)

With my previous post I acknowledged the reality that many of us live, where we must establish the foundation of our lives in God with only a small portion of our time. We can do this by dedicating one-seventh of our days to God when we observe His Sabbath Day. We can also do this on a daily basis, dedicating some of each waking period to our Maker.

Traditionally, this has been done with morning and evening prayers. Morning, meaning that it is the first thing each day, the foundation of our lives that we’ve been talking about. Evening, meaning that it would finish off each day, a golden cap on the top of the structure.

The repeated pattern of these prayers makes them a ritual. Ritual has both an advantage and a disadvantage in its repetitions. The advantage is that our minds are naturally designed to function from triggers and routine. The ritual can thus become the trigger that tells our minds to go into the sober, focused routine. The disadvantage is that repetition can become boring, causing us to become distracted and gain nothing from the experience. I know that that has certainly been my challenge with daily devotional.

Occasional Novelty)

I believe the greatest value in ritual daily devotional would be using it to reach that place of solemnity where we can then engage in sincere, specific-to-the-day communication. Or, even if we don’t have much to communicate on that particular day, to just allow us to feel our way back into alignment with God’s will, relaxing our grip on personal plans and ambitions, becoming open to things according to His will.

There might not be a meaningful epiphany or transformation every single time we have this daily devotional, but the hope would be that we are open to those moments when they do come because our ritual has brought us to a place of readiness every day.

Personal Goal)

Speaking for myself, this sort of approach is different from how I have tried daily prayer in the past. Previously I have tried too hard to make something meaningful happen every single time. I felt like each experience had to be notable and unique. I felt like I had to repeat rituals over and over until something broke through the monotony.

I want to try this simpler method where things can come as they are. I want to have a simple ritual, maybe reciting a few favorite scriptures or the Lord’s prayer, just to bring me to a place of openness, and then just express whatever there is to be expressed, surrender whatever there is to be surrendered, explore whatever there is to be explored, or be silent when it is right to be silent.

If the whole experience lasts only a few minutes, I won’t be concerned about that. My hope is that that would still be enough to have set my foundation on God, and that the rest of my day may look like one that has put Him first. I guess I’ll just have to try it and see how it goes.

Posted on by Abe Austin

A Foundation Built on God- A Little Leaven

Time Equals Love)

As I have considered ways to make my life built more on the foundation of the Almighty, the simplest solution seems to simply be spending most of my waking time in direct communion with God. If I slept for 8 hours, strove with God for 9 hours, and took care of my personal affairs for 7 hours, who could argue that God wasn’t the most significant thing in my life?

As a general rule, we tend to give greatest value to the things we spend the most time with. Even if it’s not something we particularly enjoy, we still give it weight and meaning because we gave it so much of ourselves. Ask any man who worked a career he didn’t like for forty years to provide for his family whether there is substance and significance to the labor he did, and of course he’s going to say “yes.”

So, should we all become spiritual hermits or join the priesthood? Well, the body of Christ we are told is made of many different parts. We can’t all be hands, or all be feet, or all be eyes, or all be mouths. Some must work to build society, which typically consumes at least half of the waking day. Add in the time for family and personal affairs, and the window for exclusive focus on God becomes a small minority of the day.

A Small Foundation)

But maybe a minority of time can still have a majority of impact. As Paul taught, “A little leaven leaveneth the whole lump” (Galatians 5:9). Consider also the example of the foundation of a building. Typically, that part of the structure is only a small percentage of the building’s total height, yet it supports the entire thing. The Burj Khalifa for example 2,7117 feet tall, with a foundation of only 164 feet, about 6% of the entire structure.

The question then, is whether that relatively small amount of time with God is being laid at the foundation, or lost in the middle of everything else? Is it being allowed to spread its leaven through the whole, or is it isolated where it cannot activate any of the rest? I think it is possible to establish a life founded on God, even with a minority of time dedicated directly to Him, but the dedication of time must be of the right quality.

With this idea in mind, I will try to identify a way to achieve the right quality of time dedicated to God with tomorrow’s study.

Posted on by Abe Austin

A Foundation Built on God- Life Defined by Faith

Jesus foretold that, “Many will say to me in that day, Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in thy name? and in thy name have cast out devils? and in thy name done many wonderful works? And then will I profess unto them, I never knew you: depart from me, ye that work iniquity,” (Matthew 7:23). This is a sobering warning to Christians everywhere that many who think they are in alignment with the Lord are actually offensive to Him.

There are multiple conceivable ways that Christians would find themselves on the left hand of the Lord. Perhaps they are hypocrites, professing Christ’s name but still harboring secret sin. Perhaps they treat Christianity as a political cudgel, using it to condemn those that they have no right to. Perhaps they are social Christians only, going to church and saying prayers, but more dedicated to the false churches of social trends.

I believe there are many in that last category. People that treat Christianity as a garnishment to the rest of their life, not the foundation and basis of the entire thing. It is, frankly, a way of being that I continually struggle with also. Most especially I lapse in my prayers because I am just too preoccupied with the distractions of the world, too concerned what I might miss out on if I make time “just” for connecting to God.

Obviously, I do perform a scriptural/spiritual study each weekday, and I do believe that that has helped a good deal in keeping God elevated in my mind, but I do crave more. With this short study I am going to try and identify for myself how I might do better in this aspect of daily prayer.

Posted on by Abe Austin

A Pivotal Moment- An Opportunity

Two Different Reactions)

In my last post I mentioned diverging movements that we are seeing in America today. Over the last few years, the white, conservative male has decided to respond to the unfair treatment that he has received. For some that has meant going back to church and looking for a higher purpose, while for others it has meant abandoning society and treating their antagonists with deep resentment.

Many of those who turn to anger and resentment will do so because they are reacting to personal hurt. Perhaps they obediently submitted to the anti-masculine/anti-white messages they received, publicly emasculating themselves until they could bear it no longer, then turned hateful for having been led to shame themselves. But the truth is, they “simped” because they thought it would serve their own interests, and now their turn to harshness and cruelty is still in pursuit of their own interests. They are still obsessed with the self, and just playing the game that they think will benefit them best.

The better approach is to take oneself out of the game entirely. Turning to God and traditional religion, if done sincerely, is an act of faithful surrender. It is saying, “I don’t care what the rest of the world says anymore, or what benefit or harm society has in store for me, my focus will remain on something Higher.” In both reactions we have men recognizing that the current state of affairs just isn’t going to cut it, and renouncing the way things used to be, but one actually breaks free of the social merry-go-round while the other goes around for another turn.

Which of these sides will outweigh the other? Only time will tell.

Hanging in the Balance)

The future is unknown because the future is still subject to influence. I believe that there are many men currently hanging in the balance who could ultimately go either way. In this there is the danger of souls being pulled deeper into the abyss, but there is also the potential of souls landing at safe harbors.

What we need now, is lighthouses. We need many beacons of light. We need good examples and good teachers, people who can encourage the undecided young man in the right way to go and welcome him with open arms. We have the opportunity in this pivotal moment to really make a change for good, to make the world better than it might have been otherwise.

I am personally considering ways that I can help those who are looking for answers in this pivotal moment and invite you to do the same. Let us see this as our God-given opportunity to do something with our lives that really made a difference.

Posted on by Abe Austin

A Pivotal Moment- Possible Outcomes

Back and Forth)

I have discussed how some aspects of America’s historical treatment of women and the black population were immoral, how many of those issues were addressed, and how the pendulum kept swinging so that now there is much that is immoral in the treatment of men and white people also.

Now, there is a movement pushing against that most recent unfair treatment, but does this actually represent change and progress? If all we’re doing is changing which side has the stick to beat the other with, that would only be a continuation of the same.

As I mentioned before, this sort of tribalism and zero-sum game and cyclical oppression all seem to stem from our loss of spiritual identity, and shared purpose, and sense of one another as children of God. Unless we see a positive change at this deeper level, then I cannot be optimistic about any shift happening on the surface. So long as we remain godless, each shift is more likely to be an escalation of offense, not a return to balance.

What is Happening Now)

So, do we see any of those deeper shifts that would represent a return to godly living? Unsurprisingly, the answer is mixed. Let us look at the dynamic of men versus women specifically. On the one hand, there does seem to be a real movement of men back towards religion. A recent Axios article noted that “Gen Z men are more likely to attend weekly religious services than millennials and even some younger Gen X-ers.” It also noted that while historically there have been more women in church than men, that the female decline in church attendance continues. Thus, if the latest trajectories persist, eventually there will be more men in church than women.

Of course, this trend must be observed longer to see if it is going to actually have any lasting results. The numbers are still developing. Speaking anecdotally, though, I have also perceived a shift of men around me moving back to God and religion. Even I, who always called myself religious, had a shift seven years ago that has made my relationship with God far more real.

But that’s just one side of what’s happening. At the same time, we are seeing movements like MGTOW, which is built on resentment and rejection of women and society as a whole. We also see figures like Andrew Tate growing in popularity, who encourage men to treat women as products. And just like I have seen some men around me moving towards God, I have also seen other men moving towards anger.

For an entire generation, men have been told that they are irredeemable monsters. This is a gross lie, but my great fear is that this oft-repeated incantation will summon forth a generation of men filled with cruel indifference, men who truly are beasts, and thus become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Hope and Fear)

It is an unclear picture, with many parts still moving, and difficulty in telling how things will land. There is reason for hope and there is reason for fear. A time of potential, but also of danger.

I admit that my assumptions are pessimistic. I see the world following a downward trend overall. Also, I am a Christian, and I believe the Biblical prophecies that the world will be a hellish place before the return of Christ. I suspect we are in the last age before that return, so even if things do get better in the short term, I suspect that overall it is worse times that lay ahead.

Still, I could be wrong. There is reason for hope. Even if this shift turned out to be negative overall, there could still be a treasure of good within its midst. I will finish this series tomorrow by exploring that more hopeful view.