15 Thou shalt also take one ram; and Aaron and his sons shall put their hands upon the head of the ram.
16 And thou shalt slay the ram, and thou shalt take his blood, and sprinkle it round about upon the altar.
17 And thou shalt cut the ram in pieces, and wash the inwards of him, and his legs, and put them unto his pieces, and unto his head.
18 And thou shalt burn the whole ram upon the altar: it is a burnt offering unto the Lord: it is a sweet savour, an offering made by fire unto the Lord.
After sacrificing the bullock as a sin offering, the first ram would then be offered for a burnt offering. Here the blood was not to be smeared upon the horns of mercy, but to be sprinkled all around the altar. And instead of separating the body into key parts and handling each of them differently, instead the entire ram was burned directly on the altar, though only after it had been divided and washed.
While the sin offering seemed to do with getting rid of that which was dirty and undesirable, all of this offering is desirable, and its stated effect is to bring a sweet savor brought up to the Lord. There is something much more positive about this sort of sacrifice.
In the life of the disciple, after the sacrificing of his gross sins, what follows is the giving of his life in service to God. The proper life is defined both by the wrong things that we won’t do, and also the right things that we will do. Abstaining on the one hand, proactive on the other. The latter is what today’s offering represents. If the sin offering was the giving up of one’s life doing bad things, the burnt offering was the giving of one’s life to do good.
The ancient Israelites were commanded to perform their labors for six days, and then rest on the seventh. Given the nature of the universe, on that seventh day all their enterprises would deteriorate. Weeds would grow, trade opportunities would pass, and perishables would become closer to spoiling. Apparently, though, even in those harsher ancient times, six days of restoring order was more than enough to account for one day of entropy.
Six days out of seven is nearly 86%. Such a high percent would be necessary, as it is the nature of the universe that chaos spreads more quickly than order. 51% of correcting will not keep up with 49% of undoing.
I’ve seen this personally as I have tried to establish a regular sleep schedule and diet back into my life. Getting to bed a little early allows me an extra half hour of sleep to pay back my sleep deficit, and a 500-calorie deficit will let me lose one pound in about a week. But just one day of indulgence will erase multiple days of toeing the line, so I can’t improve myself by only being disciplined 51% of the time. I have to have a great majority of restoring order, much like God prescribed.
To scale our mountains, we must climb upward for much longer than we slide backward. We must be committed to progress as the rule, not the exception. We must be the best version of ourselves for many more days than we are the worst version. To become great, we must be primarily good.
One of the most intriguing elements of the gospel is its reliance upon seeming paradoxes. The only way to save your life is to lose it. Christ overcame the world by letting himself be defeated by it. We only find the strength to overcome our vices when we admit defeat and surrender to Jesus. We are saved by grace, but that salvation is then evidenced by our works. In our relationships with our fellow man we are supposed to return good for evil.
It is a fascinating concept, and perhaps one day I will do a more in-depth study as to why this pattern of paradox is so prevalent in the gospel. One reason that is apparent to me now, however, is that it allows God to hide His path in plain sight. Consider the last example in the above paragraph, which is that we are to return good for evil. Jesus was absolutely clear on this point. Here are his words in Matthew 5:44:
But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you.
Returning kindness for cruelty goes against our human nature. It seems completely illogical. It only seems consistent that we would do good to those that do us good, and evil to those that do us evil. In the spirit of fairness, we would at least need to hurt our enemies just as much as they hurt us, and then perhaps we could build a new, more positive relationship since we were back on even ground.
But that isn’t what Christ commands us. He commands us to love even while we are the one at a disadvantage. It isn’t logical and it isn’t natural, but it is a surefire way to experience a slice of heaven here on earth. Genuinely forgiving an enemy brings a buoyancy and cheerfulness to the heart that defies all reason. And so, the evil suffered was actually the potential for good, a beautiful blessing in disguise.
And this is no secret. All of these counter-intuitive, paradoxical behaviors that unlock the greatest joy have already been laid out before us. The proliferation of the Christian gospel has made it so that all of us know that turning the other cheek will make us walk hand-in-hand with God. We all know the way, but few there be that take it because it requires us to go against our own nature and embrace the paradox.
This combination of free knowledge, but paradoxical requirement means that no one will join God by accident, but everyone that sincerely wants to join God may do so. It is an ingenious solution that allows God to save every soul that really wants it.
This study has been an interesting journey. I had to dive into the arguments, the reasons, and the details to discover that the answer to my questions was not in any of those. I want to say a few more words about where I am settled today, and this will conclude my study.
Yesterday I spoke about this problem of getting stuck on the details, trying to use rational logic to argue about was originally an emotional reaction. I don’t expect that I will ever stop feeling sad and troubled whenever I think of the children that might have been slain by the Israelite soldiers via a command from God.
I can acknowledge that my conception of God is probably mistaken, and that some part of what is written may have been lost in translation before I read it, and that I don’t fully understand the context of Canaan at the time, and I certainly don’t understand the transition from this life to the afterlife. Thus, I might only feel troubled due to the limitations in my understanding, but so deep are my limitations that I don’t expect to fully overcome them in this life, and so I expect to always feel troubled.
But that doesn’t break my faith and trust in God, because this troubling is but one part in the rich tapestry of experiences that I have had with him. If anyone ever comes to me with questions on these passages, I will probably talk with him about it for a while, but at the end I expect I will say something to the effect of, “it doesn’t do to fixate on the tree at the expense of the forest.” I would advise this person to keep reading his Bible, to read all of it, and to then step back and consider the entire picture. Paul’s famous words to the Corinthians comes to mind.
1 Corinthians 3:12- For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known.
As I read all of the chapters in the Bible, and not just fixate on one or two, my consciousness lifts above the isolated details, and I become aware of an over-encompassing spirit that is in and through it all. And I must confess that that spirit is undeniably one of goodness, one that loves and cares for the people of this earth, one that stives over thousands of years to reclaim a fallen people, one that is worthy of devotion and discipleship. I should not lose sight of the good in that overarching spirit by obsessing over the small part that I don’t understand.
So, in conclusion, yes, I am still troubled by the command for the Israelites to kill every man, woman, and child of the Canaanites, but I am not going to fixate on that troubling to the severance of my connection to the overwhelming spirit of good I find in God’s word. Because I know that God is good, I am sure that when I finally understand all the parts that I do not now, that I will be at peace and in awe of it all.
Lying is evil. Stealing is evil. Murder is evil. These are functions of the wicked, not of the good.
If all evil behaviors belong to the wicked, and are eschewed by the good, then it logically follows that the wicked will afflict all these evils upon the good, tormenting them even unto death.
To be righteous is therefore to accept all the evil of the world, while denying oneself any opportunity to retaliate in kind. It therefore follows that evil will naturally triumph over good, as it can murder the righteous, but the righteous cannot murder the wicked.
Of Good)
That being said, triumph is good. Resurrection is good. Salvation is good. These are states of the righteous, not of the wicked.
If all good outcomes belong to the righteous, and are denied to the wicked, then it logically follows that the righteous will overcome all the afflictions of the wicked, even being raised from the dead.
To be righteous is therefore to accept all the evil of the world, but then being raised above it all. It therefore follows that good will ultimately triumph over evil, as it can overcome evil, but the evil cannot overcome the good.
I have mentioned before how I lived many years under the power of an addiction to lust. Though I hated myself for it, I did things that I felt ashamed of, that I knew were wrong. I never was under the delusion that my objectification of women was an okay thing, yet I did it anyway. Because of my guilt, I would try to compensate in other areas. I would try to balance out my evil with extra kindness and devotion in my community and church.
But I never felt satisfied. In fact, I believe I was experiencing what it means to be cursed. To me this means that all of your actions, no matter how good on the surface, simply do not count. You may strive and flail, but it is as if you are running on a treadmill, all your energy leaving you in the same place. Like Cain, I tried to bring my fruits to the Lord, but He just would not accept my offering.
All of this changed, though, when I finally made confession. I told my wife what was going on in my secret life, I told my church authorities, I joined a recovery program, I went through a process of repentance, and I truly felt the atonement of Christ wash away my uncleanness.
And then I felt a sudden change. I felt the reality of God’s words to Cain: “If thou doest well, shalt thou not be accepted?” I felt the curse lifted, and now anything good that I did actually felt like it mattered.
Surrendered to Christ)
Sin is one thing that can keep our good works from reaching their full potential, but so, too, can refusing to surrender to the Lord. During my study of Pharaoh’s interactions with God and Moses, I have been thinking about this concept of surrender. Genuine surrender to the Lord is the first and fundamental basis of any true discipleship. Trying to do good while still holding back a part of your heart will always lessen the value of that good.
I know many who want to be basically good people, but who resent any notion of surrendering their will to another. In their desire to retain autonomy, to be their own master, they refuse to give themselves fully to God. They expect God to be content with the gifts that they decide to give Him, never seeking to understand what gifts He actually wants them to give. As a result, they live uninspired lives. They never experience the joy of being moved by the spirit to approach someone they normally never would have approached and saying to that person what they normally never would have said. They live according to their assumptions, not according to His genuine knowledge.
Surrendering ourselves, heart and soul to God, is necessary to be a part of His kingdom. And being part of His kingdom is necessary to having our good works sanctified for the building up of that kingdom. Trying to do good autonomously is like a swirl in an ocean, not necessarily worthless, but ultimately dissipating before it can accomplish much. Trying to do good as a pure vessel of the Lord is like being part of a flowing current, permanently and meaningfully changing the world for the better.
It is good to do good, but it is best to do the best good. And the best good can only be done by one who has repented of sin and fully surrendered to the Lord.
We do not have the power to make God’s good day bad. We can tarnish ourselves, but not all the beautiful creation that surrounds us.
And for this reason, whatever else is going on, whatever the depth of our personal unworthiness, we can still take a step back and bask in God’s goodness.
For he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good Matthew 5:45
But I was racked with eternal torment, for my soul was harrowed up to the greatest degree and racked with all my sins.Yea, I did remember all my sins and iniquities, for which I was tormented with the pains of hell; yea, I saw that I had rebelled against my God, and that I had not kept his holy commandments.- Alma 36:12-13
Yesterday I spoke about perpetrators of abuse who try to avoid any questions about the state of their soul. Deep down they know that they have done wrong, but they go to incredible length to avoid giving an answer for their behavior because they know all the answers condemn them. Obviously, a person in this state is living apart from reality, and will never be able to achieve real change until they stop running from the truth.
But it is not as if these people are only living at one extreme. They only work so hard to avoid introspection because at their core they are already convinced that they are irredeemably evil. If they weren’t already convinced of that, they wouldn’t need to dodge conversations about it. Thus, they are divided against themselves, utterly loathing themselves even while maintaining that they are totally blameless.
This is an exhausting way to live, and now and again a perpetrator will give up on this divided self-perception. Typically they have first tried to give up on guilt, to say they just don’t care what they do, but the heart refuses to comply. Their conscience betrays them, and refuses to be beat into submission. So eventually they go the other way and wholeheartedly confess that they are bad and guilty.
The reason we put off this confession for as long as we can is that we instinctively know it will bring with it all manner of anguish and torment. Truly owning one’s serious mistakes can invoke the most pronounced and painful suffering we will ever know. We can become lost in a labyrinth of despair, with many paths leading to a variety of unfortunate ends, especially when we discover that not even making our confession is necessarily enough for us to stop doing evil.
Convinced of the Evil, But Continuing in It)
For that which I do I allow not: for what I would, that do I not; but what I hate, that do I.- Romans 7:15
There is a portion of addicts who discover that making confession unlocks their previously-uncontrollable behavior. Just by brining their secret shame into the light it loses its power over them. They are able to live with a freedom that they never knew before.
But this only a portion of the addicts. Many others find that making their confession does help, but the problem still isn’t entirely removed. They continue to slip, continue to do the very thing that they confess is wrong. Thus they are still divided against themselves, truthfully admitting to what is right, but deceiving themselves with their actions.
Having taken this step and still not finding relief often brings a second crushing realization. The addict realizes that he is incapable of redeeming himself. Even if he could atone for all his past wrongs, which frankly he probably can’t do, it wouldn’t matter, because he’s going to keep doing new wrong things. All along there has been a secret desire that he would be able to pull himself up by his bootstraps and come into a way of life where conviction and behavior were one and the same. But now he realizes that he is irredeemable, at least by his own power.
If the addict didn’t give up before, he certainly might now. He has realized that he is not just guilty, he is fundamentally broken. He knew that he was bad, but now he realizes that he can never be good. Trial has been held and he has been convicted and condemned. This is what it means to be damned. This is what it means to be in hell.
True, but Incomplete)
Unlike when the perpetrator was in denial of even doing wrong, this appraisal of his life is completely valid. The abuser has finally centered himself on a foundation of truth, but it has come too late.
While he has come to a truth, though, it is not the only truth. It is true that man cannot redeem himself, but it is also true that man does not only have to rely upon himself to be redeemed. There is a God, there is a Savior, and there is a redemption.
Before the perpetrator can have access to the redemptive power of Christ, though, he typically has to first reach this place of appreciating his own damnation. This low point is a necessary prerequisite before true healing can commence.
So this despair is a good place to come to, but it needs to not be the end of the journey. It must only be a checkpoint along the way. The perpetrator must pivot his self-perception twice. First to shift from self-justification to accepting the reality of his crimes, then again to shift from self-condemnation to seeing himself as a son of God. Core paradigm shifts like these do not come easily. There is a reason this is a process, not an event.
But difficult as the perpetrator’s journey is, so too is that of the victim. Tomorrow we will begin examining those that have been on the receiving end of abuse, and the various disconnects from reality that they can experience as well. I’ll see you there.
Spiritual Wanderings 