Less bad, is still not good
There can be no compromise in matters of conscience
No Compromise
Deeper Love- Summary
Over the past few days, I’ve discussed the possibility of being a Christian and holding fast to the commandments that God has given me but also having love for those who choose to live a different lifestyle. In this final post I will attempt to summarize what I have gone over, and the errors that those who suggest love for another has to include acceptance of their decisions run afoul of.
Love and Disagreement)
The first issue is that no one actually believes this. Everyone knows that you don’t support everything that a loved one does. In my last post I gave the example of drunk driving. Any decent, moral person knows that drunk driving is wrong and would perhaps feel compelled to have a serious talk with a loved one who was repeatedly pulled over for it. But does that mean that now they don’t love that person anymore? Of course not.
The only difference is that pretty much everyone agrees that drunk driving is morally wrong, while other lifestyle choices not everyone agrees on the morality of. That’s fine. Perhaps what I call morally wrong you do not. Perhaps you think I am mistaken in being opposed to certain behaviors. Perhaps I will one day learn that you were objectively correct when I meet my Savior and he tells me that I was wrong, and I will have to confess that it must be so. So be it. But even if I have a wrong judgment today, it is a non-sequitur to suggest that that has anything to do with my capacity to love someone in the meantime.
Let me ask you this. Does my “morally wrong” opinion prevent you from loving people like me? If not, then you already know that the point I am making here is true. If it does, then you are projecting your own inability to love onto others.
A Solid Foundation)
Another error is that of believing that love is one and the same is acceptance, or that acceptance is a necessary component of love. These are two separate qualities, the first having been defined exhaustively in the gospels, the second only declared a virtue in modern culture. There is no compelling argument that I have ever heard of that acceptance is essential for love.
In fact, the scriptures show an example of love given to those that you do not accept. The purest love, God’s love, is said to be given to us “while we were yet sinners,” (Romans 5:8). He loves us even when we are still in opposition to Him. That’s why His love for us is so sure and transformative. Because He gives it to us wherever we are, motivating us to come to Him wherever He is. He loves us as we fall short, while defining for us exactly what it is we are falling short of.
And each disciple is called to do the same. I will love you, even when I believe that you are wrong, because God has shown me that even the wrong can be loved. This is true love, this is unconditional love, this is love that loves no matter what. This is what God calls us to. Not to abandon our principles to appease our neighbor, but to be stalwart on our principles, loving from the solid foundation of God’s word. That is the love that God has shown to each of us, so that is the love that I will try to emulate as well.
Ascend, Decline, or Plateau- Deterioration
Times of Deterioration)
So far, I’ve shared about my time of great moral decline while in the thick of addiction, a spiritual awakening with a true redemptive experience, long periods of maintenance with daily ritual, and occasional moments of surges in moral improvement when there is a spiritual breakthrough that corrects my core beliefs.
But this account would not be completely honest if I didn’t also mention that sometimes those long periods of maintenance have instead looked like periods of gradual deterioration. Sometimes my plateau periods have had a gradual upward bump, and sometimes they’ve had a gradual downward divot. And even with allowing myself some grace, I certainly can’t condone those periods of deterioration.
So, I’m still figuring some things out. Not only have I not arrived at my perfect destination, but I also haven’t fully figured out my process for getting there. I’m still grateful for the overall trajectory of the last decade and optimistic for the future. I’m definitely in a much better place than I used to be, but I am also still a student who is learning.
The Common Struggle)
I do take solace in the knowledge that what I am describing is by no means an uncommon struggle. Indeed, it seems to be a stumbling block that virtually every man and woman who has tried to live a life of constant self-improvement has tripped over. From every account that I have seen, setbacks and disappointments are an expected part of the journey.
Maybe that doesn’t have to be the story for all of life. Maybe there is an awakening from which there is no more dozing. But also, maybe that’s a state reserved for the afterlife.
Either way, I can still continue forward and upward. I can hold myself to a higher standard while also acknowledging that I do still stumble. That is the honest description for where I am and the work that I am trying to do.
Ascend, Decline, or Plateau- Disordered Within
The Difficulty of Change)
In the first post of this series, I mentioned that I wanted to examine times where we wish to improve our moral character, but we just don’t seem able to. This is a strange phenomenon. One would think that all we have to do to make is a change is just decide to do it. That certainly seems to be enough to make other sorts of changes, such as updates to our daily schedule, our focus of study, and our social connections, but when it comes to changes of moral quality, it often is a very different story. Though we are totally converted to the change in our head, though we promise ourselves that things are going to be different, we fall back into our old foibles again and again.
A huge section of psychological study is just, “I wish I was doing this differently, but I just don’t know how to.” It remains a great riddle that all of humanity has grappled with through the ages.
I don’t pretend to have all the answers, but I have learned a little from what has worked (and what hasn’t) in my own life. In my last post I mentioned that I have had occasional moments of epiphany in my life, times where my core beliefs slid into their proper order, and when that has happened real moral change suddenly became possible. I don’t know if this is the only method to making lasting moral changes, but it does at least seem to be a method.
Searching for a Breakthrough)
Of course, recognizing this pattern does not get me much closer to being able to make changes on a whim. Spiritual epiphanies don’t just occur on demand. In fact, there have been many times where I have known the exact core beliefs that I have out-of-order, but I still haven’t known how to force their rearrangement in my life.
I’ll take a moment here to describe a specific example of that. For years I grappled with Jesus’s words in Matthew 10:37: “He that loveth father or mother more than me is not worthy of me: and he that loveth son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.” It made sense, logically, that Jesus needed to be the highest priority in my life, that I needed to be more devoted to him than to any other. But accepting that in the head was not the same as feeling and living it in my heart. I could tell that in my heart the order was flipped. For me, family was more important than Christ. I didn’t think that was good, I didn’t want to remain that way, I just didn’t know how to make the change happen.
That was my state for years, until one day, out of the blue, I realized that in that scripture I could substitute “obey” for “love,” and “conscience” for “Jesus.” So, it became, “He that obeys father or mother over his own conscience is not worthy of me.” This resonated deeply in my heart. I knew that each of us must follow the impulse of our conscience, even when loved ones disagreed. And really, what was a commitment to follow conscience over family than a choice to love Christ over any other relation? I didn’t just become converted to my substituted-text version of the verse; I also become converted to the original wording!
And then, just like that, I was able to become more consistent in my moral behaviors, because the hierarchy had been improved in my heart. Jesus, and by extension God, really did become first for me, and so it was natural to realign parts of my life to match that order. I successfully made the breakthrough and enjoyed the changes, but not according to my own efforts or will. It just came upon me one day seemingly of its own accord.
What is Disordered?)
I realize this may not be the silver bullet that one might hope for. I cannot bring you to the destination, I can only suggest where you might find the proper path, and then you must still make the journey.
If there is some moral behavior that you have long wanted to change, but been unable to, it might be worth asking, “What is disordered in my core beliefs that keeps me from this change?” Have you set something at a higher priority than you should have? Have you neglected something fundamental that you are languishing without? Have you been too afraid to make a sacrifice that you know needs to be made?
If you can identify this, there still remains the matter of actually making the change in the heart. It is probably a hard thing to do. It might be something that can be done in an instant but scares you to death. It might be something that you want to correct right away, but it will take years to understand exactly how to do so. It might be something that just one day works itself out on its own, and you have no control over exactly when that happens.
Misalignments in our core beliefs are tricky to correct, but that explains why the moral behaviors locked behind them remain stubbornly out of reach. This is hard work, but it’s also the most important work of life.
Reasons for Disbelief- A Confused Hierarchy
Different Hierarchies)
I was debating with another person about a social issue, and what the correct, moral stance on it should be. As we explained our disagreements I started to recognize that it wasn’t that we had different morals in general, but that we held them in a different hierarchy. I told the other person, “The difference between you and me is that I believe that the truth matters more than other peoples’ feelings, and you believe that peoples’ feelings matter more than the truth.” And the person agreed.
Which raises the question, “is there a correct hierarchy?” Is it appropriate to set some principles as superior to others, or should they all be equal to one another? Or, if I choose one principle over another and you invert the order are both perspectives equally right?
The answer is no. There really is a correct hierarchy and it really does matter. Remember how the Pharisees tried to trip up Jesus on this very point? “Master, which is the great commandment in the law?” they asked, and he had a clear and definitive response for them: “Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.” (Matthew 22:36-39).
When it comes to moral questions, Jesus doesn’t leave us any doubt. Loving God comes first—and surely that includes loving his laws—and then comes loving our neighbors. We may do everything to support and please our neighbor up to the point of offending God, but then our loyalty to Him must surpass our loyalty to the neighbor.
The List)
One way to represent our hierarchy is to put it in terms of the different authorities in our lives. Whose voice carries the most weight when we make our decisions? I’ve examined myself, and I find that I try to follow this hierarchy of authority:
- Divine revelation
- Scripture
- Personal feelings
- The opinions of others
At the bottom is the opinions of others. I grow and learn from hearing outside perspectives. Other peoples’ insights can reveal truths to me that I would not find on my own. However, I know that there are false teachers also, so the things I take from others has to first be filtered by each of the higher standards.
Next comes my personal feelings. Not the feelings of what I want, but what I feel in my gut is right. These generally lead me rightly, but they are at times susceptible to immaturity and compromised motives, so they must also be subject to higher authorities.
Scripture comes next, which is the divine word of God. His voice must trump all earthly babble. I actually had an experience just recently where I was hearing an opinion from others that started to turn my personal feelings; I was becoming converted to that message, but then I reminded myself of the passage in the New Testament that stood as a clear rebuke to that line of thinking. I conformed myself to the scripture’s teaching, because I simply did not have the right to override it.
Finally, there is Divine Revelation. I believe the scriptures to have originated from the pure word of God, but the reality is that thousands of years and numerous translations stand between the original utterance and the words on the page today. Some of those translations disagree with one another, and some of them are difficult to understand correctly with our lack of ancient context. I therefore have as my final authority the revelation of God given to my mind and heart, purifying and brightening that which might have become muddled and faded.
Worship of Man)
The most concerning shift that I see in society is the progressive elevation of either “Personal feelings” or the “Opinions of others” above all other authorities. Many of our social divides are based around this transformation. Personal opinions and group interests take precedent over the divine words of God, and utter confusion follows. Not only are God’s morals trampled under foot, but everyone starts to fracture and divide from one another. Loyalty to God, Country, and Community are superseded by Loyalty to the Self or Loyalty to the Mob.
So what is Reason for Disbelief #2? A hierarchy authority that places anything above God. One simply cannot believe in a God when their hierarchy forbids compliance with Him.
Spiritual Analysis- Genesis 19:31, 33-38
31 And the firstborn said unto the younger, Our father is old, and there is not a man in the earth to come in unto us after the manner of all the earth: 33 And they made their father drink wine that night: and the firstborn went in, and lay with her father; and he perceived not when she lay down, nor when she arose. 34 And it came to pass on the morrow, that the firstborn said unto the younger, Behold, I lay yesternight with my father: let us make him drink wine this night also; and go thou in, and lie with him, that we may preserve seed of our father. 35 And they made their father drink wine that night also: and the younger arose, and lay with him; and he perceived not when she lay down, nor when she arose. 36 Thus were both the daughters of Lot with child by their father. 37 And the firstborn bare a son, and called his name Moab: the same is the father of the Moabites unto this day. 38 And the younger, she also bare a son, and called his name Ben-ammi: the same is the father of the children of Ammon unto this day.
In an ironic turn of events, the two daughters that Lot had tried to offer to the mob of rapists in Sodom ended up raping their father instead. Not due to the same violent lust that had burned in the heart of Sodom, but due to a fear that their family line would end unless they did something drastic.
Which is an example of how faithlessness can be a precursor to sin. When one is set upon achieving some goal, but cannot see any moral way of accomplishing it, and does not have faith that God will provide, then one is at risk of rationalizing immoral methods to achieve their wish instead. These daughters show the same failing as their father, who did not trust in God and stand for principle against the horde Sodom. Both Lot and his daughters felt it was entirely on them and their limited mortal power to solve the situation, and all three of them came up with a morally broken answer.
And initially it may have seemed that the daughters of Lot achieved their aim. They preserved their family line for many generations after all, but the nations that came of them would be corrupt and evil. The Moabites and the Ammonites were two of the heathen nations that the Israelites had to purge out of the land when they were led back from captivity in Egypt.
Spiritual Wanderings 