Knit Our Hearts- Summary

This study has been a very good place for my mind to dwell. Personal relationships with others is an element of my discipleship that has been lacking, and through this study I have been able to identify the reasons why. And knowing them, I have been able to choose practices that I believe will help me to improve.

Specifically I have committed to reaching out to neighbors around me on a weekly basis, whether to serve them or to just to share in a positive experience. Also I have begun a daily “forgiveness” meditation, where I reflect on the day’s frustrations, acknowledge those negative feelings, and then vocally forgive the perpetrator. Including when that perpetrator is myself.

If while reading through my study notes you had ideas and behaviors come to your mind as well, then I would encourage you to take those seriously. Perhaps God is speaking to you through these verses just as He has to me. Here are the core concepts that stood out to me from this study.

We are made for companionship

John Donne was correct when he penned the words “no man is an island.” We are designed to be social, to be connected to one another. I sincerely believe one of the greatest blights in our world today is how isolated so many of us are. And merely being in public places or attending group gatherings is not the same as having social connection.
All of us require personal, one-to-one companionship with others. We need someone to know us by name, by face, by heart. We are incomplete beings after all, there is no getting around that. It will never work to try and fill all those holes with by sheer force of will. Sooner or later we need to let another person complete us instead.
Genesis 2:18- And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.
Proverbs 27:17- Iron sharpeneth iron; so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend.

Relationships Are Built On Sharing

Being lonely is unpleasant, and those in that state of being will surely try to escape it. But how exactly to do so can be a mystery. One might master the art of telling jokes and stories, go to a social gathering, be incredibly entertaining the entire evening, and all the while still feel hollow inside.
Having good manners and knowing how to “get along well” with others are good things, but they are not the things that real connections are made of. Vulnerability, shared experiences, working together for a common cause; these are the things that form true bonds between people. Each of them is uncomfortable or difficult in its own way, and everyone is tempted to find an easier path. In the end, though, how can we hope to have a meaningful relationship, if not by meaningful effort?
Amos 3:3- Can two walk together, except they be agreed?

Closing the Rifts That Grow Between

Whenever we succeed in establishing a meaningful relationship with another, there will always arise an opportunity to end it. Whether one intentionally wrongs the other, or there is a misunderstanding, or even just a gradual drifting apart. Each of these situations sets a trajectory, one set upon dividing the two permanently; and unless that force is intentionally curtailed it will succeed. There must be a moment of turning back together.
We all know that we must repent of our sins and seek forgiveness from God, but every human relationship requires reconciliation as well. If we never learn how to both forgive and seek forgiveness, then we will never learn how to make anything that lasts. And isn’t that one of our great purposes here in life? To make bonds that hold through all things?
James 5:16- Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed.
Matthew 18:15- Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault…if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother.

Knit Our Hearts- Matthew 5:23-24, Doctrine and Covenants 64:9

Therefore if thou bring thy gift to the altar, and there rememberest that thy brother hath ought against thee;
Leave there thy gift before the altar, and go thy way; first be reconciled to thy brother, and then come and offer thy gift.

Wherefore, I say unto you, that ye ought to forgive one another; for he that forgiveth not his brother his trespasses standeth condemned before the Lord; for there remaineth in him the greater sin.

COMMENTARY

First be reconciled to thy brother, and then come and offer thy gift
I have been speaking about the need to forgive those that have wronged us, but I also wanted to make a point about our need to seek forgiveness as well. I find very interesting the order that is established in this particular verse. First be reconciled, then offer thy gift. If I try my utmost to serve God, but yet remain guilty of having wronged a brother, then all my efforts are in vain. My offerings are hypocritical. I am like Cain who made sacrifice to God while seething with hatred against his brother.
And that word “reconcile” is pretty meaningful, too. Jesus did not teach us to “apologize” to our brother. He did not say to “express regret” to our brother. If he had said those things, we could say a few words of remorse and if they were not accepted we would still be off the hook.
But instead he said “reconcile,” and that means to return to a peaceful and friendly state. So if my initial apology lands on deaf ears my obligation is not absolved. An apology only requires words, whereas reconciliation might mean a long period of owning one’s mistake, sharing a burden, and making restitution.

For he that forgiveth not his brother, there remaineth in him the greater sin
Of course there must come a point where one is released from this obligation. When a brother continually refuses to accept the reconciliation that is offered, the offender should not remain condemned. In these cases God will have to judge between them and absolve the offender when He feels their penance is sufficient. When exactly He will do that is between the individual and Him.

Knit Our Hearts- Matthew 18:15

Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother.

COMMENTARY

If thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault
Thus far in this study I have focused on our need for unity. This is an important message, but sometimes it is taken out of context to justify inappropriate behavior.
Sometimes we are so anxious to preserve unity that we are unwilling to acknowledge the harm that others are inflicting. We are afraid of “judging” them, or of rocking the boat. We stifle our complaints and scold ourselves for not being more forgiving.
But this passage gives us permission to stand up for ourselves when we have been wronged! Not by lashing out in anger of course, but by calmly and lovingly pointing out the error. How a brother or sister might respond to this correction is up to them. They might redeem themselves or they might degenerate themselves further. In either case, we can hold a clean conscience for having let them know that they hurt us.

If he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother
Because, in the end, giving gentle correction is an act of love. When one person wrongs another, a rift is created between them, and so long as it remains the relationship is compromised. Even if you have not condemned your brother or sister, they are still just as guilty of having done wrong. There is nothing kind in leaving them in that dejected place, not when you have the opportunity to help them be restored.
Sometimes I have done wrong and not even known it. I have been grateful to a true brother who gave me the opportunity to see more clearly and make amends.
Sometimes I have done wrong and known it, but felt too ashamed to admit it. I have been grateful to a compassionate sister who showed me the depth of her wound, and by her vulnerability persuaded me to seek reconciliation.