How to Get the Praise You Deserve: Summary

I’ve spent more than a week discussing how we desire approval and validation in our lives. It’s a common and basic longing, but there was a lot to unpack on the subject. Let’s review some of the lessons we’ve learned along the way.

Our Need for Validation and Approval)

It might seem vain for us to need constant validation and approval, and we might have spent quite some time trying to squash those emotions because we viewed them as being beneath us. But this is the same as trying to deny any of our other basic needs. Just as we need food and rest for our bodies, we also have requirements for our emotional health, including these. If you didn’t need some sense of validation in your life, then your heart wouldn’t keep longing for it.

And just as how we can satiate our physical hunger with food that is bad for us, so too we can seek out unhealthy forms of validation. Acknowledging that our hearts need validation is not the same as saying that all validation is worthy. Demanding fame and attention are perhaps the most detrimental ways of dealing with this need, but there are other mistaken ways to deal with it as well. Perhaps the most common of these is tying our peace and happiness to the responses of those in our immediate vicinity. Allowing ourselves to be miserable unless one, specific person gives us a kind word puts us in their power in a way that we never should.

During this study we considered the two kinds of validation and approval that are actually a good thing to pursue, and fortunately each is entirely within our power to obtain.

Approval of Self)

The first method we discussed was to approve and validate your very own self. This means taking the time out of our day to look yourself in the mirror, verbalize all the good things that you have seen yourself do, and express appreciation to yourself for how you are helping your own life and the life of others.

Self-validation also means recognizing our behaviors that we do not approve of and overcoming them. Paul recognized this reality of people betraying their own conscience when he said, “For that which I do I allow not: for what I would, that do I not; but what I hate, that do I” (Romans 7:15). So long as we are disappointed with our own behavior then we are never going to feel fully approved or validated, no matter what affirmation we might hear from others.

Of course, overcoming our evil nature not only brings a sense of self-approval, it also invites the one other kind of approval that is healthy to pursue.

Divine Approval)

For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ. - Galatians 1:10

In this verse Paul denounces the idea of seeking man’s approval, but he does promote seeking the approval of God. And what a relief, as this is actually the far more straightforward target to hit. Playing for the applause of the world means constantly altering one’s behavior to the ever-shifting demands of society. The way to satisfy God, however, has always remained the same. We must keep his commandments.

However, as we discussed earlier, obeying the commandments as they are written is not all that we must do. They provide an essential foundation and will bring a sense of validity in and of themselves, but upon that base we are supposed to actively build. We must put good into the world, taking our talents and using them to shine a light to others. It is in this combination of obedience and righteous productivity that I have felt the greatest sense of validation and approval in my life by far.

I also took some time to discuss that we can cultivate our ability to hear God’s approval of us. It may be that He has been trying to express His appreciation for some time, but He has been speaking in a language that you haven’t recognized. I suggested getting into the habit of seeing all that is beautiful in this world as a way of God telling you directly that He sees you, that He loves you, and that He appreciates what you are doing. If you come across something that seems to uniquely bring you joy, something that touches your heart more than the hearts of others, then consider it a gift from a Father who knows you perfectly and give gratitude for it. The more you give gratitude for these moments, the more you’ll start seeing these “love notes” placed all around you.


Like many things, validation and approval represent a two-edged sword. On the one hand we can become obsessed with shallow counterfeits, chasing never-obtainable ideals. And even if we did achieve the constant attention of loved ones and the highest fame of the world, we would find ourselves still dissatisfied even so.

But on the other hand, there is such a thing as real validation and real approval. It is when we receive these gifts from our own selves and from God. It is here that genuine satisfaction occurs, that our anxieties are stilled, and we finally repose in peace. This is what it means to live life richly and with contentment, a richness and contentment that the world can never take from us, for the world never gave it to us to begin with.

Our desire for validation and approval were given to us for a reason. Not to be a source of perpetual frustration, but to lead us to eternal glory. Hopefully the principles we’ve discussed here can be helpful for you in your journey. They’ve certainly been helpful to me.

Scriptural Analysis- Genesis 49:25-26

25 Even by the God of thy father, who shall help thee; and by the Almighty, who shall bless thee with blessings of heaven above, blessings of the deep that lieth under, blessings of the breasts, and of the womb:

26 The blessings of thy father have prevailed above the blessings of my progenitors unto the utmost bound of the everlasting hills: they shall be on the head of Joseph, and on the crown of the head of him that was separate from his brethren.

In the previous verses Jacob had described Joseph as a bough rooted in a permanent fountain of water. He continues those analogies of nourishment by calling to mind an infant and the breasts and womb of its mother.

The womb, with its umbilical cord, represents a direct tether to God. It is our innate understanding of what is good, our childlike certainty of self-worth, our conscience ever reminding us of our divine self. For those that believe that the immortal spirit has existed since before we were born, the womb could also be representative of a pre-earth existence directly in the presence of our Heavenly parents.

The breasts represent the more active side of our discipleship. After the womb a child changes from receiving nourishment directly to now having to work for it. This is our need to constantly return to truth, to dispel the sophistry that surrounds us in the world, to regain hope in the face of cynicism, to unburden our personal sins and shame. We do not do those things only once. We get renewed and then we get renewed again and again.

Innate and constant good, and sources of replenishing and nourishing, these are the blessings that Jacob pronounces upon Joseph. Then Jacob testifies in verse 26 that it is these blessings which have elevated and set him apart in his life. It was these sources of good that raised him to a higher station than anyone in his family had ever known before, and it was what elevated and distinguished Joseph above his brethren. So, too, countless testimonies have attested that it is this grace and goodness of God, the constant nourishment and refreshing of His love, that has made all the difference in the lives of the sincere and the saved. It is God that has taken us from being broken and ashamed, and has made us into His sons and daughters instead.

A Surety of Truth- Matthew 16:16-17

And Simon Peter answered and said, Thou art the Christ, the Son of the living God.
And Jesus answered and said unto him, Blessed art thou, Simon Bar-jona: for flesh and blood hath not revealed it unto thee, but my Father which is in heaven.


And Simon Peter answered and said, Thou art the Christ, the Son of the living God
Yesterday we discussed the difference between having faith (believing in something), and having a testimony (knowing of something). Each of us begins with faith first, and it is essential for our growth in discipleship. But each of us also seeks to evolve our faith into a more perfect knowledge.
But what is it that takes us from faith to knowledge? How do we come to really know that something is true, and not merely a personal opinion? How do we gain the sort of conviction that Peter shows in this verse, when he testifies of the divine identity of Jesus?

Blessed art thou, Simon Bar-jona: for flesh and blood hath not revealed it unto thee, but my Father which is in heaven
The answer is given in Jesus’s response to Peter. Jesus made clear that Peter’s source of truth was not only based on “flesh and blood,” but rather something more.
Now flesh and blood can reveal things to us. Family and friends, even our own minds, might present ideas and teach doctrine, and from their witness we might gain faith and begin following that which we believe to be true. And this is good. But their is a tier above witnesses of flesh and blood, and the surety that comes from it is far greater.
We desire a knowledge that comes neither from us nor any man. A witness directly from God, such as Peter had received.
I have had moments where God spoke a witness to me directly, and in that moment I was more convinced of the truth then than at any other time. I was more convinced by Him than I had been by any family member or friend. Even I was more convinced by Him than I had been by my own self. In that moment I did not believe these things to be true, I knew it.

A Surety of Truth- Proverbs 1:5, Philippians 4:18

A wise man will hear, and will increase learning; and a man of understanding shall attain unto wise counsels:

Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.


A wise man will increase learning; and a man of understanding shall attain unto wise counsels
Yesterday we discussed how even if we don’t know how to do everything perfectly, we are still meant to try our best. We should move forward with the definition of “good” as we understand it in the moment, and then be open to improvement and correction as we go. Not only this, but we should even seek out that improvement, looking for mentors to instruct and correct us along our way.
At first we may not feel a need to seek out mentors. We’ll likely find that we already have them by default. With the family we were born with and the friends we came by in our youth, most of us have already put together an entire council to direct us without any conscious thought on the matter.
At some point, though, we ought to take a look at who we are being influenced by, and ask ourselves whether they are worthy to that have power over us. They might be or they might not be. “I’m your father” or “I’ve been your friend since grade school” are not reason enough, they need to have something more.

Whatsoever things are true, honest, just, pure, lovely, of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.
As I’ve chosen which mentors I will hold onto or let go of in life, I have found the qualities mentioned in the verse above to be an excellent guide. I do not just look for mentors that speak about these qualities (there are many who invoke these words without meaning), I look for those that actually live them. I want to be led by people whose good words are matched by the lives they are living. I want to be led by example, not just dictation.
When I find someone whose life is in complete harmony with their principles, when I find someone who has integrity through and through…then I know that I have found someone I can learn from.