Posted on by Abe Austin

Redeemed Through Christ- Part One

This last Sunday I was invited to speak to my congregation, where I shared my personal experience with redemption. Preparing this message brought up some new ideas that I will explore in greater detail with upcoming posts. Other stories and ideas I have already covered in this blog. I don’t wish to bore you with redundant messages, but I did think that seeing my speech might be interesting to some of you. I’ll post the first half of it today, and the second half tomorrow.

Part One)

Stories of redemption, where people fall, and are then raised even higher, are woven all throughout our scriptures, our myths and legends, our history, even our books and movies. But of all the many stories of redemption, today I would like to focus on the one that I know best: my own. And I want to talk about it in terms of the pairings that it was made up of. The first of these pairings was the reality of damnation and then the reality of being saved.

My great demise came in the form of addiction to pornography. The whole thing started when I was about seven years old and progressed through various stages over the next twenty years. 

Now, from the very beginning I felt guilty about what I was doing, I knew it was wrong, I knew I had to repent of it. But I didn’t necessarily feel damned, because the whole time I insisted it was in my power to fix this on my own. So I tried, over and over, to just make myself be better. I kept telling myself that this next time would be the last time. I repeatedly prayed that God would just give me the determination to do things right.

And even though this approach never worked for me, I clung to it, because the only alternative would be to admit that I had become so lost that I could never find my way back again. And if you had asked me if I believed the atonement of Jesus Christ could rescue me, I would have said “yes,” but, looking back, I really only believed that in my head. I didn’t feel it in my heart. So, accepting that I was lost would include not having any confidence that anyone would ever come and find me.

Rather than accept that, I kept my addiction secret from everyone, even my wife, and pretended like I wasn’t damned. But no matter how I tried to hide it, there was a genuine darkness inside of me, and its nature was to damage me, and those closest to me. Thus, even as I was trying to preserve my life and my relationships, I was actively destroying them instead. When I finally saw this pattern, when it clicked for me, I finally decided I would rather be honestly damned than falsely holy.

So, one day, when I was alone in the house, I wrote a letter to my wife. In it, I shattered the facade I had been living behind and explained what was really going on. I left the letter just inside the entrance to the house, got in my car, and drove as far away as quickly as possible. I knew that I had to get far enough that she would make it back to the house before I could, because then I knew it was done. I couldn’t take it back, even if I wanted.

This is how I came to embrace the reality of my own damnation. At this point, for the first time in my life, I truly accepted that I was on track for hell and all that came with it. This was an absolutely necessary chapter in my personal story of redemption. I was never going to get any further without first taking this leap into the void.

What came next was a whirlwind of confession, surrender, and connection. My wife scheduled a meeting with our Bishop that very night, our Bishop recommended us to LifeStar, which does therapy for sex addicts and their couples, and my LifeStar therapist encouraged me to join a group of other men in recovery. Put simply, there was a long and difficult path of repentance and recovery set before me, one that I am still taking steps on to this day.

But while the journey has been long, redemption, much to my surprise, began immediately! Right from the day that I wrote the letter, I started to feel like my real self again. I felt like I had a soul! This was something I didn’t even know I was missing; it had been so long since I had felt it.

That rediscovery of the soul in addiction is not unusual, but what you might find unusual is that many of us addicts actually express gratitude for our addiction, even though we are in recovery from it, and we certainly don’t endorse it! See, from our perspective, if we hadn’t had something truly break us, we never would have sought out a real connection with God and the soul. And once we have found that connection, the journey that led us there, no matter how painful, is worth it, and we wouldn’t trade it for anything.

I like the way a good friend of mine put it: “if your sin isn’t real, your salvation isn’t real.” I would also say, “if you haven’t been truly broken, you don’t really know what it is to be restored.” Or as Eve, herself, put it in Moses 5:11: “Were it not for our transgression we never should have known good and evil, and the joy of our redemption.”

Now, this isn’t meant to say that we all need to get enslaved to an addiction, but I would say that we all need to exercise our awareness of the hopeless state that we would be in if not for Christ. Sooner or later, each one of us commits a sin that is a deliberate and willful violation of our own conscience. At a certain point, each one of us sacrifices something that we know is good, for something that we know is wrong. This is a fundamental betrayal, and when it happens, something inside of us breaks, and we can either run from that, or hide it, or we can go into that broken place, accept the reality of damnation, and there meet Jesus.

To be continued…

Posted on by Abe Austin

Perfectionism vs Shamelessness

The world today tells us to be shameless. It insists that we are always good, and that any flaw does not condemn us, but that it is actually a worthy part of our own, unique, perfection. The world today thinks that it rejects yesterday’s perfectionism, but it is just as obsessed with being flawless. Not by purging our sins, but by denying their very existence.

Shamelessness is very seductive, but it only soothes those that are able to stay in denial. Once a person is woken up to the reality of their own guilt, and are seared in their hearts by it, they are beyond the power of false comforts. Once we have truly seen our own unworthiness, our own deserving of hell, it doesn’t help to just pretend it isn’t there.

The message of the gospel, however, is neither perfectionism nor shamelessness. It does not call us to live in our shame, but neither does it call on us to repress it. The message of the gospel is based around fully acknowledging that we are flawed, and that it is serious, and that it does damn us…but also that we are loved by God anyway and He offers His life to cover us. Only the gospel message allows us to both fully embrace our guilt and fully embrace God’s grace.

Posted on by Abe Austin

Seeking Signs- The Exception and the Rule

Signs and Wonders)

Thus far I have emphasized why God would not want to manifest Himself to our physical senses as a way to win our belief in Him. I have pointed out how doing so can reinforce undesirable trends, such as an unwillingness to take a leap of faith or having an over-reliance on sensuous knowledge. These are important realities to understand and accept, as they discourage us from becoming, in the words of Jesus, “an evil and adulterous generation that seeks for a sign,” (Matthew 12:39).

All that being said, this series would not be complete if I did not acknowledge the fact that there are times where God manifests Himself in some miraculous way, and that this has had the fact of converting unbelievers.

One example of this is Elijah calling fire down from heaven to consume an offering, causing the Israelites that had strayed to Baal to cry out, “The Lord, he is the God; the Lord, he is the God.” There was also the day of Pentecost, where the disciples of Jesus spoke in tongues, every man hearing them in their own language, ultimately leading to 3,000 being baptized. There was also the earthquake that rent the doors of the prison where Paul and Silas were being held, leading their jailer to plead for salvation.

Thus, it is undeniable that sometimes God does show His power in incredible miracles, and that it does have the effect of converting unbelievers into His disciples. Given that, why is this not a common occurrence to everyone? Why can we not all count on it in our own lives?

Quieter Means)

Thus far in the series I have given some reason as to reasons why God would not resort to miracles as a general rule, but I do have to acknowledge that these are just speculation. There is no verified scripture that I know of which provides the definitive answer from God. Maybe the souls of those who did receive miracles were uniquely fitted for receiving those signs, maybe God only uses miracles to accelerate initial growth of his people but then relies on more natural means afterward, maybe there are cosmic balances to be considered as to when to show a miracle or not. I simply do not know.

What I do know, though, is that there is a vastly predominant pattern of disciples coming to their faith without miracles. Jesus, when he appeared to doubting Thomas, declared, “because thou hast seen me, thou hast believed: blessed are they that have not seen, and yet have believed,” (John 20:29). This passage makes clear that while some have believed because of what they were privileged to see, there will be many others who must believe without seeing.

For every tale of a miracle-based testimony, we have countless smaller and simpler accounts as well. Think of the Ethiopian eunuch who was converted simply by having Philip expound the scriptures to him (Acts 8:27-38). There is also Lydia of Thyatira who was convinced only by hearing the teaching of Paul (Acts 16:14-15). Think of Ruth, who converted due to her loyalty to her mother-in-law (Ruth 1:16-17). Or the people of Nineveh, who converted from Jonah’s preaching, even though they never witnessed his encounter with the big fish (Jonah 3). Think of Rahab, who saved the spies of Israel and joined their people, only by hearing the testimony of what the Lord had done in Egypt (Joshua 2). There were the Bereans, who compared Paul’s teachings to the words of the Bible to obtain their conviction (Acts 17:10-12). Think also of Simeon and Anna, who recognized the infant Jesus as their Lord, not by any thunderous sign, but simply by having cultivated a spiritual attunement in their hearts (Luke 2:25-38).

Yes, God can change people by miracles, but for whatever reasons, He usually does not. Far more commonly, He only relies upon spiritual, transcendent witnesses, which we will only secure if we open our hearts and seek them. God does not come to us on our terms; we come to Him on His.

Posted on by Abe Austin

Seeking Signs- Path Before Destination

Finding the Right Approach)

Yesterday I spoke about those who require a sign before they will believe in God or consider changing their lifestyles to fit His commandments. Today I want to point out that God does not just want us to believe in Him, He wants us to come to belief in the right way.

As any teacher knows, it is not enough for a student to have the right answer, but to come by it honestly. If all the teacher wanted was perfect grades, then the best method would be to show the children how to find the answers in the back of the book. Obviously, what is actually wanted is for the child to find the right answer through work and understanding.

It is the same for God. The disbeliever who calls for a sign is trying to peek at the back of the book. He assumes that if God wanted him to believe, then God should take the easiest, most direct route in convincing him. And yes, God does want him to believe, but like the teacher, God knows that belief is only helpful when the child comes to it through work and understanding.

The Flattening of God)

When those that seek signs describe what they want from God, it is manifestations that are perceived by the mortal senses. Writing in the heavens, a booming voice, an earthly visit…these are all things that would convince through sight, hearing, or touch.

Right away, I can see a problem with this. We are already a lopsided people. We rely on our physical senses so much more than our spiritual ones. There are many who only observe the world sensuously. Who doubt that there even is a spiritual domain. Who believe that knowledge can only be obtained by inquiry of the physical senses. If God were to flatten His presentation into this physical domain, it would only reinforce that lopsided view. It would reward us for being overly sensuous. It would affirm that this temporal domain is the only one that matters.

But God exists on so much more than just the temporal domain. He is transcendent and spiritual, and He wants us to meet Him on those planes. He wants to reward us for exercising our spiritual intuition. He wants us to feel Him in our hearts without ever seeing Him with our eyes. He wants us to learn that a spiritual connection is even more real and intimate than a physical one. So yes, God wants us to believe, but He wants us to find that belief in a way that sets us on a journey of rich spiritual discovery.

Posted on by Abe Austin

Seeking Signs- How Far Will You Pursue?

Waste of a Miracle)

There are those that say they will only believe in God if He will show them an irrefutable sign of His existence. They say, “If God is real, and He really cares about having me believe in Him, and He knows me perfectly, then He knows that I need physically observable evidence of Him.” They suggest things like a message written in the stars, or God descending to the earth in all His glory, or a booming voice sounding from heaven. Those would be strong, undeniable proofs of God’s existence, and surely that would bring many more people to accept Him as their Lord, so why not just do that?

To that I say: And what will you do if God does not show up with these great, undeniable signs? Will you continue to pursue the knowledge of Him?

The answer: I will do nothing, and I will pursue no further.

And to that I say: Why would God ever waste His time on someone with that attitude? Why manifest Himself to someone so fickle and disinterested? Frankly, you don’t seem to actually care all that much whether God is real or not. Are you genuinely quivering on the edge of remaking your whole life to follow Him just as soon He shows you a miracle? I find that hard to believe.

Pattern for Belief)

People hear that God wants us to believe in Him, and from that they assume that the onus is on Him to do the convincing. But two things can be true at once. God can both want us to believe in Him and also be perfectly willing to let us go if we don’t care enough to take the first step.

To be clear, I do believe that God pursues on His end, but I also believe He always stops short of making us believe in Him. In my experience, He always requires us to make at least one step in total faith. We have to do something because we believe it is right, not at all sure that it will turn out well, and that is when He appears to us.

If, on the other hand, we see that step before us and say, “no, God, not until you show me a sign,” He will let us go.