Posted on by Abe Austin

Scriptural Analysis- Exodus 16:9-12

9 And Moses spake unto Aaron, Say unto all the congregation of the children of Israel, Come near before the Lord: for he hath heard your murmurings.

10 And it came to pass, as Aaron spake unto the whole congregation of the children of Israel, that they looked toward the wilderness, and, behold, the glory of the Lord appeared in the cloud.

11 And the Lord spake unto Moses, saying,

12 I have heard the murmurings of the children of Israel: speak unto them, saying, At even ye shall eat flesh, and in the morning ye shall be filled with bread; and ye shall know that I am the Lord your God.

The Lord spoke to Moses, Moses spoke to Aaron, and Aaron spoke to the congregation. This arrangement suggests that in their hierarchy Moses stood as a representative for the Lord and Aaron stood as a representative for the congregation. Heaven and earth were communicating to one another through their diplomats: these two brothers. Viewing Aaron as a representative of Israel may also explain why he would later assist them in the creation of the golden calf. Though he may have personally opposed it, perhaps he saw himself as their representative, bound to carry out their will.

In any case, after the message was conveyed to all of Israel, the Lord came in a cloud that emerged from deeper in the wilderness. There is a reassurance in this, it shows that where they had yet to go, He had already been.

After His manifestation in the cloud, the Lord declared that He had indeed heard all the people’s murmurings and would send them the promised bread, and also meat as well. Later on in this chapter we will learn that the meat would be quail.

This story of Israel receiving manna and quail is very similar to another account that is given later in Numbers, Chapter 11.In fact, they are so similar that I suspect they are actually the same account. It appears to me that this chapter in Exodus is abbreviating the more detailed account that is given in Numbers. If so, we learn from the version in Numbers that after Israel complained for the lack of bread, God gave them the manna. Then, some time later, they complained again for the lack of meat, and God sent them the quail. The Numbers account makes clear, though, that the quail was actually a curse, bringing a plague upon the people as they ate it. They were punished even in the very act of getting exactly what they wanted.

We won’t hear about all of these details in this chapter, but we can keep in mind that this is likely the fuller picture of what transpired.

Posted on by Abe Austin

Scriptural Analysis- Exodus 16:6-8

6 And Moses and Aaron said unto all the children of Israel, At even, then ye shall know that the Lord hath brought you out from the land of Egypt:

7 And in the morning, then ye shall see the glory of the Lord; for that he heareth your murmurings against the Lord: and what are we, that ye murmur against us?

8 And Moses said, This shall be, when the Lord shall give you in the evening flesh to eat, and in the morning bread to the full; for that the Lord heareth your murmurings which ye murmur against him: and what are we? your murmurings are not against us, but against the Lord.

Moses points out to the Israelites that when the manna appears it will be yet another evidence that the Lord is real and that He is the one guiding them. Though He cannot be seen in the flesh, when the manna appears His presence will be manifest and they will know that He truly walks among them.

What a great gift to see that the Lord listens to you and responds directly. Most of us seem to spend the majority of our time feeling that God is inscrutable and imperceptible, so moments where the veil grows thin are sacred and profound.

But this great gift is also a condemnation to the Israelites. Moses lays out very clearly in verse 8 that the Lord’s presence means He is actively listening to them and knows everything they said in their complaints. And if God really is present in Israel’s affairs, if He really is the one calling the shots, then any criticism directed at Moses has actually been a criticism of the Almighty! As Moses tells the people, “the Lord heareth your murmurings which ye murmur against him… Your murmurings are not against us, but against the Lord.” A word to the wise, any time you choose to make a complaint, be sure you know who it is you’re really criticizing!

Posted on by Abe Austin

Scriptural Analysis- Exodus 16:4-5

4 Then said the Lord unto Moses, Behold, I will rain bread from heaven for you; and the people shall go out and gather a certain rate every day, that I may prove them, whether they will walk in my law, or no.

5 And it shall come to pass, that on the sixth day they shall prepare that which they bring in; and it shall be twice as much as they gather daily.

After Israel’s grumbling the Lord gave Moses His answer, and note how He returns faithfulness for faithlessness. The Israelites had suddenly abandoned their trust in God, certain that He had brought them to ruin. They had become utterly hopeless and despondent. But though they had abandoned their faith in Him, God was still faithful in helping and preserving them. By a miracle He would rain bread down, literally a blessing from heaven. A reward in place of punishment.

There was going to be a catch to all this, though. God said that with this blessing would also come a test, to “prove them, whether they will walk in my law, or no.” And so He listed out some requirements for how the Israelites were to respond to this manna from heaven. There would be a virtually unlimited source available to them, but they were only to gather the necessary portion day-by-day, except on the sixth day they could gather twice as much, so that they could eat on the sabbath. These instructions would later be reiterated in more explicit detail, so that there could be no misunderstanding among the Jews.

It seems to me that God was making a point with this test. Did the Israelites complain and lose faith simply because they didn’t feel provided for, or because of some pull towards infidelity that lived deep inside of them? Would they keep His commandments once He had provided for them, or would they still feel compelled to hold something back? Was their faithlessness really about a problem with God, or was it a problem in themselves? We will see for ourselves as we read on.

Posted on by Abe Austin

Scriptural Analysis- Exodus 16:1-3

1 And they took their journey from Elim, and all the congregation of the children of Israel came unto the wilderness of Sin, which is between Elim and Sinai, on the fifteenth day of the second month after their departing out of the land of Egypt.

2 And the whole congregation of the children of Israel murmured against Moses and Aaron in the wilderness:

3 And the children of Israel said unto them, Would to God we had died by the hand of the Lord in the land of Egypt, when we sat by the flesh pots, and when we did eat bread to the full; for ye have brought us forth into this wilderness, to kill this whole assembly with hunger.

After a time at the oasis that the Lord had provided for them, the Israelites continued further into the wilderness. At this point, Israel had not been consigned to wander for 40 years, so they were still on the route to the Promised Land. We did hear earlier that it wasn’t the most direct route, which passed by the Philistines, but a more roundabout way. Scholars identify the Wilderness of Sin from verse 1 as being to the east of both the Gulf of Suez and the Gulf of Aqaba, two bodies of water that extend out of the north shoreline of the Red Sea. This would mean that the Israelites were in what is now the North-Western corner of Saudi Arabia.

And this would mean that Israel was already half the distance to the Promised Land, at least as the crow flies. They were well on their way, but now we will see things starting to go backwards. In verse 3, the Israelites start a pattern of faithless murmuring, which will ultimately lead to serious repercussions. We did already hear how they complained for the lack of water in the last chapter, but today’s verse is the first time they go so far as to say that they preferred things in Egypt as slaves.

This is also the first time that the Israelites say that Moses is going to get the entire company killed. Often I hear the Israelite’s criticized for not approaching Moses in a more cooperative manner, for not expressing their distress with a faithful expectation that God would have a solution. Personally, I don’t feel that we have enough information to judge them so certainly. We do not know just how dire the situation was, perhaps the old and the feeble really were on the brink of death. We do not know what prior conversations they had had, perhaps they had been patient for a while but felt at their wits’ end now. Or perhaps they really were faithless, over-reacting, and demanding from the slightest of hardships. We just don’t know.

None of which is to say that the Israelites might have been justified in turning against the Lord, but simply to appreciate the fact that many of us might not have fared much better in the same situation. Hardship brings out the most base instincts in a people, and most of us probably don’t know who we really are on that level. The Israelites were finding out exactly that, and the revelation was not good.

Posted on by Abe Austin

Appreciating the Worst Self

It is common to despise our “worst self.” This is the self that is lazy, selfish, overly-indulgent, and perverse. That self always gets us into the worst trouble, imitates the behaviors we most resent in others, and frustrates all of our plans for self-improvement. I have listened to many addicts share their hatred for their “worst self,” going so far as to wishing that they could kill him!

But the thought has occurred to me that my “worst self” has also done the bravest and noblest things that I have ever done. It was while I was firmly in the gutter of shame and depression that I decided to ask for help from my addictions. It was while I was a sinner that I made the decision to repent. It was while God seemed farthest from me that I tried to follow Him most.

The “worst self” has its downsides, but when transformation does occur, it is necessarily that self who decides to make it happen. The “worst self” chooses to let itself die so that the “whole self” may emerge, and we owe it a great debt of gratitude for repeatedly making that sacrifice.

Posted on by Abe Austin

Deeper Into Enemy Territory

Recovery is a multi-stage journey. I, and many of the other addicts that I have known, experienced an initial battle with temptation and eventually a victory over it, only to feel new battles springing up around us some time later. After the initial success, we tend to experience setbacks, or new addictions forming off to the side, and it makes us doubt the control we thought we had gained. Most great battles in recovery seem to be followed by a sequel.

As I have reflected on this phenomenon, the thought has occurred to me that the more you press against your foe, delving further into the heart of enemy territory, the more unpredictable and treacherous the terrain becomes. The initial push and triumph in recovery feels fantastic, but that is nothing more than breaking through the front lines. Yes, it is a victory, but you have yet to capture the capitol. Or, to shift metaphors, perhaps you have chased the bear from your home, but in so doing you have followed it into its lair where greater challenges await.

Virtually every addict finds that his bad behavior comes about by the following sequence:

  1. He has many hurts and frustrations in his life
  2. Those hurts and frustrations put him into a perpetually dejection and faithless state
  3. While depressed and faithless, temptation easily has its way with him

The first fight for recovery has to do with short-circuiting this pattern. The addict learns how to manage or mitigate his pain, removing unnecessary afflictions, ending negative relationships, and stopping behaviors that add stress. Less frustration means less dejection, and less dejection makes him stronger against temptation.

And this is all well and good, but the solution will last only as long as his management and mitigation efforts are effective. Sooner or later life will throw something new and unexpected, as it always does, and all his perceived progress will be undone. He will find out that his sobriety is dependent on life being easy, and no one’s life is always easy.

So the addict must go further into enemy territory, deeper into the heart of the problem. Sooner or later he has to learn to break the connection between the pain of life and becoming dejected. He has to learn how to be peaceful and content, no matter the simultaneous pain. This is a very difficult thing to do, of course, but if he can succeed in this critical battle, then the world will no longer have any power over him. He will have captured the heart of the enemy’s power, and the war will be over.

Posted on by Abe Austin

The Impasse of Release and Guilt: Part Three

In my last two posts I have described two parts of a paradox in addiction recovery. Part one was that we have the greatest success when we do not ruminate on our failures, but simply let them go. Part two was that the addict who breaks beautiful things and hurts loved ones feels it is too flippant to just let those things go. It seems necessary that the addict should be devastated about his failure for some time.

Thus, the addict finds himself caught between the surrender of guilt that would give him the best chance of recovery, and the sense of justice that demands he pays for what he has done. Thankfully, there is a third element that comes to bridge this terrible gulf, to provide a ladder from the darkness to the light.

The Need for a Savior)

At the core of the addict saying that it is right and appropriate to feel devastated for his failures is a recognition that he has broken a moral crime, and so justice ought to be carried out on him. But once we recognize that this is a matter of paying the price for a moral crime, Jesus Christ steps into the picture. The whole point of Jesus Christ is that he, himself, paid the price for these crimes so that we wouldn’t have to.

If I responded to my most shameful acts with nothing more than a “yeah, that happened, but moving on…” then yes, that would be too flippant. But there’s nothing flippant about saying “My best friend died for what I did, so that I could go free.” If anything, that adds even greater gravity and weight to the situation, while also justifying me in letting go of my shame and moving on.

Yes, it is appropriate to be devastated about the seriously wrong things that we do, but Christ offers to feel that devastation for us. When we take him up on that offer, and surrender the weight to him, then it is entirely appropriate for us to get right back in the saddle and try again.

I think this is why having a Higher Power, and more specifically a Savior, is essential to recovery, because when I don’t account for the fact that someone paid for the price for me, I get stuck at an impasse between parts one and two. I need this final part to bridge the gap and bring it all home. It allows me to live as if I had never done anything wrong, while also not minimizing the very real wrong that I really did do. Bringing Christ into the recovery allows us to exchange our worst for his best, and thus the captive may go free.

Posted on by Abe Austin

The Impasse of Release and Guilt: Part Two

A Proper Devastation)

Yesterday I considered how obsession with failure only tends to yield further failure. In order to change our lives and habits, we have to let go of our tendency to punish ourselves, we have to forgive ourselves for falling short, we have to get right back up and resume living our commitments.

Speaking for myself, just by understanding this fact I do find it easier to let go of my more minor indiscretions. If I eat too much at a party, if I stay up too late playing games, if I find myself distracted at work, I find it within my reach to set aside the self-resentment and instead say, “yes, that happened, but I should get right back to living my commitments, hopeful and trusting that I’ve still got this.”

But not every wrong fits into that “minor indiscretion” category. We addicts are defined by how consistently and repeatedly do heavy and major wrongs. We do things that not only hurt ourselves, but those we care about most. We break beautiful things and cause irreversible damage. And just letting go of that doesn’t feel so easy. In fact, it feels disrespectful and inappropriate to just let it go. It seems too flippant to say “yes, that happened, but moving on…”

And yes, focusing on the guilt and failure of our major wrongs is still the surest way to end up repeating those painful behaviors. Pragmatically we ought to just let them go, but in our hearts it feels like we should be distressed and devastated for a time.

This is a great conundrum then. It is the impassable gulf, the catch-22 of recovery. How are we to do make the surrender that help us get better when doing so feels actively wrong? This is the gordian know we will untangle tomorrow.

Posted on by Abe Austin

The Impasse of Release and Guilt: Part One

In my spiritual journey, through my experiences of addiction and recovery, I have seen a difficult impasse that many addicts have grappled with, myself included. There are two aspects that seem to be fundamentally at odds with one another, creating what at first appears to be an unfixable situation. We’ll look at the first point today, the second one tomorrow, and the surprising resolution after that.

The Need to Move On)

One thing that psychological research has found, and that I have seen within my own self, is that dwelling on one’s failures is the surest way to repeat them. The more we obsess over what we’ve done wrong, the more we are aligned to returning to that polluted well again and again.

I have many times found myself repeatedly and profusely apologizing, spelling out every reason why what I did was wrong, and focusing on how fundamentally selfish all my actions were. The result? All of that self-flagellation sent a message to myself that I was fundamentally no good, hell-bent on doing the wrong things, and so that’s exactly what continued to happen. I continued to do the same things again and again, because that was just the garbage sort of person that I was.

On the other hand, being willing to set aside my shame and believe in myself in spite of my failings was fundamental to overcoming these negative habits. I had to sincerely believe there was a better, truer me beneath the bad actions before he could come forward into reality.

There is a caveat to this. One who is in complete denial, who is constantly minimizing his wrongs, who is dismissive of the pain he causes, he may require a sharp wake up call to really face how messed up his behavior really is. But for any self-admitting addict who is genuinely remorseful, the pragmatic next step for him would be to set aside every failure and just keep moving forward.

There is an obstacle to doing this, though, which we will discuss in the next post.

Posted on by Abe Austin

The Day Without Christ

Jesus was crucified just before the sabbath, hastily laid to rest in an empty tomb, and remained shut out of sight for the next 24 hours. The following day he appeared, newly resurrected, and was witnessed by one group of followers after another, including all eleven apostles. Eventually he was even seen by 500 disciples at one time.

Thus, there was the last day of Jesus’s mortal life, the first day of his glorified life, and in between one day without Christ at all. What a bitter sabbath that must have been for Jesus’s disciples, the one day where they didn’t have their Lord to be there with them, and didn’t know that he would ever be with them again. A day of darkness, a day without the Lord.

But where was Jesus during that day away from the world? What was he gone to when he departed from his people?

He was gone conquering.

As the children are partakers of flesh and blood, he also himself likewise took part of the same; that through death he might destroy him that had the power of death, that is, the devil; And deliver them who through fear of death were all their lifetime subject to bondage. He led captivity captive, and hath put all things under his feet. (Hebrews 2:14-15, Ephesians 4:8, and Ephesians 1:22).

Jesus might have been missing, but hardly had he abandoned his people. The time when Jesus was absent in the lives of his disciples, he was gone destroying their greatest enemies: death and hell. He fought with mankind’s greatest evils, and his ability to rise back to life the next day shows that he was triumphant in that battle. He came back having won for them the greatest gifts they would ever receive.

Each of us similarly faces days where Christ appears to be missing in our lives. We feel his spirit beforehand, but then for a spell it seems that he has gone away from us. We are left alone in the dark, much like his ancient disciples. At such times, might not he have gone to conquer our greatest enemies also? Our days without Christ might be a sign that the greatest victories are about to come.