Posted on by Abe Austin

Continuing With Leviticus

Just over six months ago I finished my study of Exodus. At the time, I said I was going to share some essays and small thoughts. I estimated this would go for a couple weeks, which was clearly a great underestimation! I think part of why I spent so much longer exploring other topics is the rapid and dramatic changes that have been happening world, prompting me to delve into the spiritual questions I saw attached to those changes.

Now, though, I do want to get back to my scripture study. As before, I intend to cover a small batch of verses at a time, going chapter-by-chapter through the entire book of Leviticus. I’m sure that I will periodically do one-off studies in between chapters as well, whenever a particular question or thought is weighing on me.

You can go back to read my full summary of Exodus, but I’ll take just a moment here to re-establish context.

Genesis was dedicated to laying the core patterns of the world, distilling eternal truths in legendary and dramatic manifestations. Exodus was the bridge from the supernatural world to the natural, bringing those core patterns to everyday existence.

Of course, Exodus still had its fair share of miracles and supernatural wonders, but it also made the way that people related to the Lord ritualistic and common. We followed an everyday people who passed through relatable phases of tragedy, rebellion, and repentance. The book concluded with them finally being ready to enter covenant with the Lord, and to receive Him in their midst via the tabernacle and regular, daily ritual. That tabernacle and all of its instruments were made at the end of the book, and the Lord accepted it all.

Now, in Leviticus, we will hear in greater detail all the laws and rituals of that tabernacle. We will hear all the different sacrifices to be made, and when they need to be done, and in what way. This book is therefore a narrower slice of the word of God, a sort of instruction manual for priests. We, of course, will look for the symbolism in every instruction and ritual, to see how it points to each of us in our daily lives.

I hope to see you tomorrow when we begin.

Posted on by Abe Austin

Deeper Love- Summary

Over the past few days, I’ve discussed the possibility of being a Christian and holding fast to the commandments that God has given me but also having love for those who choose to live a different lifestyle. In this final post I will attempt to summarize what I have gone over, and the errors that those who suggest love for another has to include acceptance of their decisions run afoul of.

Love and Disagreement)

The first issue is that no one actually believes this. Everyone knows that you don’t support everything that a loved one does. In my last post I gave the example of drunk driving. Any decent, moral person knows that drunk driving is wrong and would perhaps feel compelled to have a serious talk with a loved one who was repeatedly pulled over for it. But does that mean that now they don’t love that person anymore? Of course not.

The only difference is that pretty much everyone agrees that drunk driving is morally wrong, while other lifestyle choices not everyone agrees on the morality of. That’s fine. Perhaps what I call morally wrong you do not. Perhaps you think I am mistaken in being opposed to certain behaviors. Perhaps I will one day learn that you were objectively correct when I meet my Savior and he tells me that I was wrong, and I will have to confess that it must be so. So be it. But even if I have a wrong judgment today, it is a non-sequitur to suggest that that has anything to do with my capacity to love someone in the meantime.

Let me ask you this. Does my “morally wrong” opinion prevent you from loving people like me? If not, then you already know that the point I am making here is true. If it does, then you are projecting your own inability to love onto others.

A Solid Foundation)

Another error is that of believing that love is one and the same is acceptance, or that acceptance is a necessary component of love. These are two separate qualities, the first having been defined exhaustively in the gospels, the second only declared a virtue in modern culture. There is no compelling argument that I have ever heard of that acceptance is essential for love.

In fact, the scriptures show an example of love given to those that you do not accept. The purest love, God’s love, is said to be given to us “while we were yet sinners,” (Romans 5:8). He loves us even when we are still in opposition to Him. That’s why His love for us is so sure and transformative. Because He gives it to us wherever we are, motivating us to come to Him wherever He is. He loves us as we fall short, while defining for us exactly what it is we are falling short of.

And each disciple is called to do the same. I will love you, even when I believe that you are wrong, because God has shown me that even the wrong can be loved. This is true love, this is unconditional love, this is love that loves no matter what. This is what God calls us to. Not to abandon our principles to appease our neighbor, but to be stalwart on our principles, loving from the solid foundation of God’s word. That is the love that God has shown to each of us, so that is the love that I will try to emulate as well.

Posted on by Abe Austin

Scriptural Analysis- Exodus Summary

My study of Exodus began just over two years ago. It’s been a long journey, and I have thoroughly enjoyed it all. To put it simply, the book is a titan of spiritual and ethical wisdom. My main finding was that the book takes the symbols and spirit of Genesis and begins to concretize them in law and ritual. It is the start of the conceptual becoming physical, of God becoming flesh.

Exodus still has some vestiges of the old legends, but overall, it isn’t as supernatural as Genesis was. It is, in fact, a necessary complement to Genesis. It shows the world becoming more like the one that we see today. Yes, strange powers and manifestations of the divine are still somewhat expected, but we are ramping down, and eventually every intervention of the Almighty will become unique and miraculous.

To quickly summarize the events of Exodus, we began with the death of Joseph, the last of the patriarchs, then launched hundreds of years into the future, at which point the Israelites were slaves to the Egyptians. When Pharaoh tried to kill all the new males Moses was saved, and he was able to grow into a privileged position. As an adult he observed the plight of the other Israelites, and he tried to help them, but his effort ended in failure. His heart was in the right place, but he was insufficient to the task, so he fled into the wilderness instead, lived an entire life there, and presumably had no intentions of ever returning to his people.

It was at this moment, however, that God performed His first act of intervention. He called Moses to go back to the Israelites and free them. This time Moses would be successful, because this time he would not function in his own power, but in the power of the Lord. Moses took some convincing, but ultimately, he returned to Egypt, where he performed many miracles and raised many plagues, each symbolic of the evil and sin that the Egyptians had given themselves over to. This sequence of events became an epic battle between the pride of Pharaoh and the power of God. This, of course, was a type for all mankind who will cleave to their own ways to the bitter end. Ultimately, God won the contest by exercising His power of death upon both the firstborn and armies of Egypt. This, at last, broke Egypt’s grasp on Israel, and the chosen people went free.

In the second half of the book, Israel took its journey into the wilderness. The people faced adversity with the lack of food and water, but their response to this was inappropriate. Rather than seeking relief from the Lord in humility, they threatened to abandon Him. They even went so far as to create a false idol and raised a rebellion against the Lord.

In spite of all this, God continued to strive with the people, humbling them, and delivering his law by degrees to them. Only after these were properly received, He also gave them the command to build the tabernacle. It was a large task, but the people accomplished it beautifully, and in the final chapter we read how God’s presence came to dwell personally in that house, becoming a permanent fixture in the Israelite community.

This book has taken us on a grand two-part journey. First, we fell into slavery and sin; then we returned back to the Lord through miracle, repentance, and covenant. We have gone down to the deepest depths, even those of the Red Sea, then up to the highest heights, even those of Mount Sinai. This story is a recreation of fundamental archetypes that were first laid out in Genesis, such as the fall of Adam and Eve, the acceptable offerings of Abel, the consuming of the wicked in the flood, the deliverance of the righteous in Sodom and Gomorrah, to only name a few. This story takes those archetypes and adds itself to them, becoming the template for many more stories that will follow in the Biblical record.

What an epic experience this has been! I’m sad to leave it behind, and admittedly I’m unsure that I’ll be able to recognize as much richness and meaning in the following books of Moses. I’ve been surprised before, though, so I will proceed with my Old Testament analysis, picking up the book of Leviticus after a short break. During that break I will post various essays and in-between messages, probably extending for a week or two before returning to my scriptural analysis.

Posted on by Abe Austin

Loving Your Enemy vs Renouncing Evil- Summary

I’ve tried to focus this study on the words and example of Christ, using his behavior and attitudes as the model for his followers to emulate. By studying his example directly I have found two main takeaways. Let’s review each.

Steered Rightly)

The first lesson that I learned was that the correct action for a disciple to take in response to evil is more nuanced and case-specific than I had expected. I learned that we cannot just apply a static rule to predetermine each behavior for all time, but rather that we must have a living connection with God to steer us rightly in each and every situation.

In every great war there are times of attack, times of defense, and even times of strategic sacrifice. God is actively waging war with evil, across a front that is constantly shifting and moving. We are but foot-soldiers, with only a narrow view of the field. If we find ourselves waiting for orders we must conduct ourselves according to what seems best from our perspective, but when the higher command is given, it trumps anything that we thought up to that point. Only the General has the perspective over the whole, and knows the greater movements that are at play.

Perhaps we do not feel it in our nature to go on the offensive, publicly declaring truth and renouncing sin, but if the General needs a victory in this sector it is our duty to give it to Him. Perhaps it feels wrong to us to silently suffer oppression and derision, but if the General is allowing the enemy to make camp in our valley, we must be willing to pull back, remembering that this is but one step in His long and intricate dance.

In short, it is up to God when we are to be bold and when we are to be meek. There are examples when Christ was fierce, and examples when he was mild, all according to the larger, broader plan. So, too, it must be for us.

Our Limitations)

Something else that I learned from my study is that there are limitations on the acts permitted for Christ’s disciples to take. We are at times called to act in many different ways, but that doesn’t mean we are going to be called to act in every way. Some tactics are outside of our Master’s strategy guide, and we cannot employ them as His servants.

Most particularly, it is not for man to condemn another. The Lord taught, “of you it is required to forgive all men,” (Doctrine and Covenants 64:10).” In none of the examples that I studied was there any reason to assume that we are ever called to permanently dye another’s soul black and call them a lost cause.

Firstly, we must not do that because we never know the full picture. Secondly, even if we did have the full picture of another person, their beginning and their ending, their inner thoughts and motivations, the state of their very heart, it would still not be right for us to pronounce final judgment upon them because it simply isn’t our place to do so. Even if we could judge them rightly, it just isn’t our job to do it. “The keeper of the gate is the Holy One of Israel; and he employeth no servant there,” (2 Nephi 9:41).

But that isn’t to say that the worldly cry of “don’t judge me!” is in harmony with Christ’s examples either. There are two salient points that need to be understood in combination with the fact that we have no right to condemn one another.

  1. Judging sin and calling it wrong is approved by the words and example of Christ. As already established, we are not to condemn a fellow-child of God, but absolutely we are called to condemn the wicked acts that they do. We condemn the wicked acts that we, ourselves, do also! In all cases, we can, and should, point out when behaviors are of a devilish spirit, and renounce them most emphatically.
  2. While we do not condemn others, God does, and sometimes He calls on us to bear the message of that condemnation, or to carry out His sentence. The Israelites had no right in-and-of-themselves to choose life or death for the pagan kingdoms that occupied Canaan, but God did, and He ordered their destruction by the hand of His people. Similarly, informing others of the judgments that God has already made is not the same as casting our own judgment upon them. The scriptures clearly spell out certain behaviors that God has called sinful, and they also clearly proclaim that all sinners are worthy of damnation. To proselytize that message, along with the Good News of salvation through Christ, is entirely justifiable, so long as we do not mix in our own personal condemnation while conveying God’s.

***

It is a careful balance we are called to walk as disciples of Christ. How wisely he said that we were to be “wise as serpents, and harmless as doves,” (Matthew 10:16). We do not condemn our brothers, but we do condemn sin. We do not stand in final judgment, but we do forewarn what God has revealed for when that judgment comes. We are ready to fight and ready to endure, to reproach and to hold our peace, all at the direction of our Heavenly General. We are adaptable to the situation and the command, but consistent in God’s spirit through it all. He is our one constant in this intricate, dangerous dance.

Posted on by Abe Austin

Scriptural Analysis- Summary of Israel’s Liberation

Yesterday I considered the different attitudes that Pharaoh, the Israelites, and Moses showed towards God and their faith in the story of the exodus. Today I will conclude my retrospective by examining Israel’s moment of liberation.

The Wonders in Egypt)

In all, the Lord performed 17 miracles in the course of freeing captive Israel. There was turning the staff into the snake and the river into blood; invading the land with the frogs, the lice, the flies, and the grasshoppers; the murrain among the cattle, the boils among the people, the hailstorm, the three days of darkness, and the slaying of every firstborn. Also there was the miraculous dispersal of the frogs, the flies, the grasshoppers, and the hailstorms, which should all be considered as their own wonders. Then there were the pillars of cloud and fire to guide Israel and, finally, the parting of the Red Sea.

All of these wonders cleaved through the land like a sword, with two distinct effects for each miracle. On the one hand they were destructive and damning for the Egyptians, but on the other hand they were liberating and life-saving for the Israelites. God’s miracles often work this way, simultaneously condemning the guilty while redeeming the innocent. Each of us should endeavor to make sure we are on the right side of things before God’s judgment is laid out, that we may be the benefactor of His wonders and not the victims.

The Fall of Pharaoh)

Speaking of being on the wrong side of God’s judgments, Pharaoh already began on the wrong side by continuing his forefathers’ enslavement of the Israelites, and he only made things worse from there. As I’ve mentioned before, his story is a theme of pride and of refusal to submit to the Lord’s will. He continually grinds himself against God’s immovable rock until it completely breaks him. It seems that he even lost his life, all because he was so stubborn as to march himself right into the jaws of death!

It seems feasible that Pharaoh would have initially doubted the Lord’s ability to make good on His promises. Pharaoh probably genuinely trusted in the power of his own gods, attributing to them the great success that Egypt had enjoyed, confident that they would prevail over the God of his measly slaves. But it seems impossible that he could have held this view all the way throughout. Through one defeat after another, he must have known that he was fighting a losing battle. In fact, on multiple occasions he admitted the worthiness and superiority of Israel’s God, so at least a part of him seems to have known that he would only be hurt if he continued to stand in defiance. And he still did anyway. One has to conclude that at some point Pharaoh was not defying the Lord from a place of belief or pragmatism or rationality. Pharaoh persisted in his defiance because his pride was more precious to him than the life of his people, of his firstborn son, and even of himself.

There are many people today who profess to reject God on a strictly practical basis. They claim that they do not believe in Him simply because they do not have sufficient evidence to do so. When pressed, however, many of them will admit that even if they were given sufficient evidence, they still would not become His disciples. It isn’t really about a lack of evidence, but an intense emotional rejection to the idea of submitting oneself to God’s will, even when God’s reality is undeniable. Some people, like Pharaoh, defy God just to defy God, unwilling to comply because they have molded themselves to be His enemy, and they would rather suffer and die than surrender.

The Redemption of God’s People)

On the other side of God’s judgments we have the Israelites. While it is true that they had moments of doubt and gave coarse words to Moses, they were not fundamentally opposed to God like Pharaoh was. The may not have been deeply faithful, but at their core they were aligned with wanting to obey and follow the Lord. So long as a people have that alignment towards rightness God is able to work with them, even while they are imperfect in their execution.

Also, the Israelites were the descendants of a people that had once been free and prospered by the Lord. From the Exodus account, it appears that they lost this status through no trespass of their own, and so the scales of justice required that they be restored to that free state once more. This initial restoration would come freely, though remaining in the Lord’s good graces would depend on their behavior.

Thus, the redemption of the Israelites was a sure thing, the outcome as certain as if it had already happened. It didn’t matter how stubborn Pharaoh might be or how mighty his army was. It didn’t matter whether the Israelites would be helped or hindered by their neighbors. It didn’t even matter whether the Israelites believed in God the whole way through. The purpose of having faith and trusting in God was not so that His plans would come to pass, those would all be fulfilled regardless, but so that the Israelites could be united with the truth and fulfilled in their souls.

Even today, God still has His chosen people and He is still carrying out a plan among them. The final result of that plan is sure and predetermined, and no doubt among the faithful or resistance by the wicked will prevent it from occurring. The purpose of our faith is only that we may be in alignment with God’s will before it consumes the Earth. What is different with today’s scenario is that God’s chosen people are the people that choose Him. His enemies are the people that choose to be His enemies. Each one of us gets to decide for ourselves which side of the story we end up on, and then we will be raised to safety or drowned in the sea according to our choice.

Posted on by Abe Austin

Scriptural Analysis- Summary of Pharaoh, Israel, and Moses’s Faith

Yesterday I reviewed some of the broad themes from Egypt conquering Israel, now let us consider what can be gleaned from Moses working miracles for the Lord in Egypt. As I looked back at the account, I saw that there were three different archetypes of faith in this part of the story.

The Unyielding Pharaoh)

First we have Pharaoh, who was repeatedly commanded to let Israel go but resisted at every turn. As the pressure from God grew increasingly more severe, Pharaoh would momentarily buckle, saying that he consented to God’s demands, only to recant as soon as the latest curse had been removed. Pharaoh would also try to compromise with God, trying to remove or modify some of His terms, but that approach never worked, and ultimately Pharaoh had to fully surrender to God’s will.

Unfortunately, I can absolutely relate to Pharaoh’s shifting loyalties. Though my circumstances are nowhere near as extreme as his, my attitude is very similar. I am full of moments were I partially relent to God’s will, then mostly relent, then fully relent, then take it all back and go back to my old ways. I may not be enslaving God’s people, but I am holding back a part of my heart, struggling to fully surrender.

I think Pharaoh’s example shows us how it is easy for us to have moments of conviction, but that moments are insufficient. We need to have our faith baked into our character, have it as our default mode of operation.

The Blessed Israelites)

The Israelites represent a different sort of attitude towards faith. While they did struggle when things were difficult, they basically desired all the same things that God wanted. And, when things were relatively easy, they did comply with all of God’s commands.

The Israelites were not self-sustaining in their faith. They needed a Moses to lead them, guide them, and bring out the best of them. In many ways they were blessed by association, better off for being allied with such a great man of faith.

At some point, each one of us is similarly blessed by association with those of greater faith. We lean on the testimony of parents, teachers, or friends who have already walked the way that we want. By their encouragement and direction we participate in good patterns that give us good rewards. I think of my parents who took me to church and read me the scriptures, which things I would not have chosen to do on my own, but which still opened my mind and heart to the spiritual dimension. Of course, we are all meant to develop a more self-sustaining faith, but there is nothing shameful in requiring spiritual training wheels for a time.

The Stalwart Moses)

Of all the qualities that we saw from Moses, I am so grateful that we saw that he, too, had his doubts and insecurities at first. His hesitation and half-compliant attitude at the burning bush should give hope to all of us who identify more with the Israelites and Pharaoh. If Moses, too, once struggled to fully devote himself to the Lord, but he was able to grow past that, then so can we.

Admittedly, it isn’t abundantly clear how and when he fully gave himself over to the Lord’s will. Somehow and somewhere, though, it is clear that he just stopped worrying about social norms or the expectations of others. He came to have no regard for the opinion of the Israelites or Pharaoh, and whether they would believe in him, He only did what God commanded him to do.

I do wish we had more details on how and why Moses made this transformation. From my own experiences, I believe that this sort of transformation involves a simple, honest surrender, where we just let go of all our own ideas about what we need to get out of life and who we are supposed to be. It does not have to be a grand gesture of surrender, in fact I think more often than not it isn’t, but that simple, total surrender to God will always change the course of an entire life.

***

I will continue with my retrospect of Israel’s liberation from Egypt tomorrow.

Posted on by Abe Austin

Scriptural Analysis- Summary of Israel Subjugated by Egypt

I just finished the first fourteen chapters of Exodus, which covers the enslavement of Israel, the wonders performed by Moses in Egypt, and the eventual redemption of God’s chosen people. I wanted to pause at this moment to reflect on some of the themes and lessons from these stories. I will do this over the next few days, then I will briefly pause my scriptural analysis as I publish one or two spiritual studies that I have been wanting to do, after which I will resume my scripture study with Exodus 15.

Forgetting God)

At the beginning of Exodus we heard how a new Pharaoh arose “which knew not Joseph.” Looking back, I believe the phrase “which knew not” has been a theme throughout all this story of Egypt. The Egyptians forgot both the debt of gratitude that they owed to the Israelite prince who saved them during the famine, and also his God who had proven Himself to be Lord and Master over all.

By forgetting who the Israelites were and who their God was, the Egyptians felt emboldened to take extreme liberties on the chosen people, which in turn would bring terrible retribution on their own heads. Whenever a people forget God and His fundamental laws of good they inevitably come to dabble in matters that they don’t understand. They start digging out the foundation of a wall, completely ignorant of how it supports the great edifice that hangs overhead. When they are crushed, they will be completely surprised but also completely culpable.

An Unexpected Protection)

At certain points in their history, the Israelites were conquered because they had abandoned God and had to be chastened back into faithfulness. In the case of their subjugation to Egypt, though, we are not told that such was the case. We are given reasons for the conquering, and none of them are morally justified, so as far as we know the Israelites were still an innocent and faithful people, and Egypt wronged them without cause.

If that was the case, then it occurs to me that one reason why God may have permitted this travesty was that it actually served the purpose of protecting the Israelites during a vulnerable period. We know that while they were in Egypt the Israelites grew from 70 souls to approximately 2 million. We also know that there were various hostile tribes and kingdoms growing to power in Canaan while they were being held captive in Egypt. It may be that if the Israelites had stayed in Canaan and multiplied there, that one of the other kingdoms would have seen them as a growing threat and just wiped them out. Being enslaved meant that they would have been protected from all the other worldly powers, guarded by the mighty armies of Egypt, allowing them to develop to the point that they could face those other powers as equals.

***

This concludes my retrospect on the enslavement of Israel in Egypt, tomorrow I will continue with a summary of Moses’s miracles and the liberation of Israel.

Posted on by Abe Austin

Scriptural Analysis- Exodus 11:8-10

8 And he went out from Pharaoh in a great anger.

9 And the Lord said unto Moses, Pharaoh shall not hearken unto you; that my wonders may be multiplied in the land of Egypt.

10 And Moses and Aaron did all these wonders before Pharaoh: and the Lord hardened Pharaoh’s heart, so that he would not let the children of Israel go out of his land.

These three sentences appear to be a brief summation of everything that transpired between the Lord, Moses, and Pharaoh, following their first discussion. Pharaoh rejected God’s word, but the Lord told Moses that this served a greater purpose: to let the world witness His power and wonder. There then followed a series of plagues upon Egypt, and through it all Pharaoh continued to harden his heart.

If Pharaoh had relented after the first curse or two, it hardly seems that the story would have had the same impact and travelled far and wide. It truly is a remarkable thing to consider, that these events transpired some 3,500 years ago and are still so commonly known in the world today. If anyone ever doubts that the Bible is the bedrock of Western civilization they have only to ask themselves how many stories of the Hittite or Assyrian empires they know. Though the Israelite people were quite small, with virtually no impact on the larger world at the time of its liberation, theirs is the story that we know best today. And surely their freedom sticks so well in our minds because of its ten dramatic plagues being wrought one after another by the hand of the Lord.

As the Lord said in verse 9, His wonders were indeed multiplied. Multiplied in the doing, the telling, and the retelling, thousands and thousands of times over.

Posted on by Abe Austin

To Live Freely: Part Sixteen

I’ve spent the last few weeks talking about the truth, and how our souls are designed to live in harmony with it. This exercise has been helpful for me to mull over my inner thoughts and feelings, bringing them into fuller, rational definition. I have explored, I have discovered, and I have gathered into one place. The only things I haven’t done is sort and refine. It might be worth it to take my raw discoveries and organize and develop them. I will begin that process by giving a summary and categorization of my study thus far. Any further work beyond that would probably be better taken offline.

For today I am going to step through all of my past posts, summarizing the key takeaways for each one. Then, starting tomorrow, I will give my overall conclusion on the matter.

Recap)

I began this study by establishing my thesis: that only a life founded upon the truth was truly joyful and free. I began by considering which of all the people I know live in the truth most consistently. The group I settled on was addicts in recovery, and I noted the surprisingly joyful and meaningful lives that they lead.

Next I considered the importance of truth in other aspects of the world. First I looked at the physical truths necessary in aviation, and then the dangers of untruth in propositional logic. There may not be an obvious connection between these realms and that of our own personal behavior, at least not from our limited, mortal perspective, but the fact that truth is clearly essential in these other domains gives a strong suggestion that it would also be so in matters of self-governance.

I then moved on to arguing against putting untrue perspectives on other people. I said that it harmed them by separating them from reality and inadvertently reinforcing harmful messages. I explained that this complicated and frustrated individuals’ efforts to secure the basic good things that we all desire in life. I also pointed out that we put this harm on others due to incredible personal arrogance, and that the logic of deluding one another becomes untenable when scaled globally. I concluded that if it is demonstrably wrong to deceive others and cause them to live separately from the truth, then surely it is wrong for us to choose to live separate from the truth ourselves also.

Of course, it isn’t the case that we always know exactly how we’re deluding ourselves, though. I explained that we often need the help of another to see ourselves clearly, and that we block ourselves from the truth because we aren’t prepared to deal with it. Thus, even if we decide to live in the truth, it will take some special revelation to know what the requisite changes we then need to make are.

I also pointed out that even if we do recognize what our failings are, we might try to dismiss and minimize them, admitting what is true with our words, but hoping to get ahead through a little deception on the side. We have to learn to bring all of us into alignment with the truth, or our practice is only theoretical and basically useless.

I then related my own experiences with living in varying degrees of truthfulness. I described states of being oblivious to my falsehoods, and also of striving against them, and finally of periods of joyful congruity between with the truth. From my own experiences I sincerely believe that all of us can come to live in harmony with the truth, even while acknowledging that first we all struggle with being hypocrites and liars, myself included.

Finally, at one point I explained our need for an external truth. I made the case that we need the truth to be defined objectively and separately from any one person. It is essential that it is dictated by God, Himself, and given to us through divine words. This is the one truth that all of us must seek alignment to, and anything else that claims to be the truth is a counterfeit, and will not produce the full joy and freedom that we might otherwise have.

That is everything that I have explored thus far, tomorrow I will give the first half my final conclusion on the matter.

Posted on by Abe Austin

Addiction and the Angry Spouse: Part Nine

The Need for Boundaries)

I have spent quite some time talking about the situation of an addict trying to move away from the past and a wife who is still wounded by it. The addict is trying to define himself by new actions, but the wife still has things to say about the old ones, creating a friction between them. I have spoken with many addicts who felt that they were trying to let go of their old identity but their wife was still trying to cast them in it.

This disparity is especially pronounced when the addict’s behavior was kept a secret from his wife. The addict would have had years to grapple with his immoral behavior, fight through his sense of identity, and ultimately conclude that he was going to live a higher way. He would have done all of this at his own pace, according to his own leisure. The wife, of course, has had an entirely different situation. All at once she has had dumped on her years of history that she never knew about. She has to process all the same questions of her husband’s identity that he had literal decades to resolve. If she is casting her husband in the role of the liar addict, it is because she is still coming to terms with the fact that he played that role for years. Many times this inner conflict will outwardly manifest in an outburst of anger. This is entirely understandable, and even inevitable.

That isn’t to say that every angry outburst can be condoned, though. I pointed out at the start of this series that there are lines which it is never okay to cross. There are words designed to break another person and make them lose faith in themselves, and these are never appropriate. Of course, it’s hard to say exactly at what point this line is crossed, because it depends on the nature of the person being berated and it depends on the intent of the speaker.

The same goes for actions that ruin the reputation of the addict. In some cases it might be proper to enlighten others to the full nature of the man they thought they knew, while at other times it is purely an act of vengeance.

Of course there are also destructive, reactionary behaviors such as having an affair or punishing the addict through his children, which are never appropriate. There can even be instances of the wife trying to inflict physical harm on her husband, which is also always unacceptable.

I could go on, but the point is that there are lines that must not be crossed, and it is up to the addict to lay those out around himself and then get away from any situation where they are trespassed over. Of course, the wife should have these lines for herself as well. There are certain behaviors that she should not tolerate, such as being lied to, and she should remove herself from the situation if those behaviors are continuing. In short, each spouse needs to have their own boundaries.

Doing the Work)

In this series I have also talked about the need for each spouse to do their own work. The best thing that the addict can do for the relationship is to sincerely work his recovery and show his wife by example that he is genuinely becoming a new person. Also, I discussed the need for him to understand the pain that is behind his wife’s anger, and do the work of recognizing and empathizing with those overwhelming emotions. As for the wife, the best thing that she can do is work with a counselor to address the storm inside her heart. She must come to terms with who her husband is, what it does and doesn’t say about herself, and what she wants to do as a result. At some point she also needs to let of her anger and hate, in order to live a life free of corrosion.

The addiction and trauma recovery program that my wife and I went to strongly encouraged each spouse not to make any life decisions for a year. They told us we needed to get to a grounded place. We each needed to find out who our authentic self was and calmly make decisions that were consistent with it. At the end of it all we wanted to make choices that we could honestly say were done in good conscience.

But as I have discussed previously, that presupposed that each of us really would do our own work. Sometimes it was hard for us to take a hands-off approach to the other’s recovery. We each had wounds and egos, and when they got bumped and bruised we each wanted to explain why the other person was always at fault for it. It was easier to blame the other than to do the hard work on our own self.

Certainly I wouldn’t expect any couple to be perfect in this regard. There will be missteps, there will be lines that get crossed and apologies that need to be made, and that goes for both the husband and the wife. There does need to be some allowance for one another not being perfect.

Let me conclude by saying that I have seen for myself that even such deeply flawed and deeply wounded persons as an addict and his wife are still able to make their way through if they sincerely try. People that seemed doomed to collapse under their pain and weakness can reveal a surprising degree of resilience when they are living honestly. With a little help from professional counseling and a lot of help from God, they can make it if they try.

NOTE: Throughout this series I refer to the addict as “he” and the injured partner as his “wife.” This is merely a convenience for maintaining consistency. It is entirely possible for the addict to be a woman and the injured partner to be her husband. It is also entirely possible for the strained relationship to be between non-romantic partners, such as with a parent and a child.