Posted on by Abe Austin

Grit vs Surrender- The Core Disagreement

The Outsider’s Perspective)

I began this study focused on the secular humanist, who balks at the idea of God’s commandments restricting his pursuits of pleasure. Afterwards, I shifted to the confused Christian, who is frustrated by his attempts to obey God while still holding part of his heart back. I’ve spent some time in that latter category, and would like to briefly shift back to the secular humanist, and how he often misinterprets adherence to the laws of God.

From the secular humanist’s perspective, God and His commandments are understood as a checklist, one series of behaviors that are forbidden and one series of behaviors that are required. Thus, an individual’s level of obedience can be measured by a simple comparison to that list. The more points where you align with God’s law, the better you are in His eyes. If you get enough points right, Jesus will cover the rest and you get to go to Heaven, but if you are off on too many points, God will send you to Hell.

Thus, many secular humanist say they reject Christianity because they are not willing to conform to lists of rules that they don’t believe in. Many of them believe that God doesn’t exist, or that if He does that Christians fundamentally misunderstand Him, and that He really want people to be true to their own autonomy. Or if the Christian God did exist, the secular humanist concludes that He is a tyrant, and being true to one’s own autonomy and being damned for it would still be more noble than subservience to a cosmic taskmaster.

Autonomy as a God)

In short, the secular humanist sees autonomy as the ultimate ideal. It is the highest god that it would be blasphemous to sacrifice for anything else. Any discussion about commandment-following is therefore a distraction. True, the secular humanist might not want to adhere to those commandments, but the deeper, core issue is that they worship the autonomous self over any creator God.

To the secular humanist, the following of the commandments would be torture, because they would refuse to let go of their sense of autonomy. Every commandment would be like a shard, cutting deeply into them, fundamentally opposed to their most-precious ideal.

I think if Christians and secular humanists understood this, they could actually discuss the real issue, instead of quibbling over this side business of following rules. Yes, the true gospel of Jesus Christ leads to obeying God’s commandments, but that’s not really what it’s about at its core. It’s about letting one’s will be absorbed into the Almighty’s, and the Christian who isn’t willing to do that is outside true theology just as much as the secular humanist.

I won’t take the time to exhaust all of the reasons why the surrender of autonomy to God is essential in Christian theology, I am only interested in making the point that this is the true disagreement between it and secular humanism. I will, at least, use tomorrow’s post to share one of the reasons that the scriptures tell us that surrender is essential, but beyond that I would have to do a separate study to truly explore the matter.

Posted on by Abe Austin

Grit vs Surrender- Surrendered Autonomy

An Acceptable Offering)

In the last post we discussed how God has given to man his autonomy, but that the proper use of that autonomy is for man to then surrender it back to God. This was the example that Jesus set for us, where he had power that no man could take his life from him, and even personally desired that the cup of his sacrifice might pass from him, yet he surrendered his autonomy, submitting his will to the Father’s.

It is remarkable to me how lifelong Christians still don’t recognize the need for following this pattern in their own lives. I made this mistake myself for many years. I spent nearly three decades trying to be “good enough,” while still reserving as much autonomy as possible. I wanted to follow God, but only in my own way, and only to the extent that I was comfortable with. The rest I would hold back.

How did that work out? Not at all. I put in so much effort into trying to do so much good, but it just never felt like it was enough. I felt like I was cursed. I felt like Cain, where I made offering to the Lord, but they just weren’t being accepted. I could tell that something was missing, and I would try to fill that void with more “doing good,” but it was all in vain. What I wasn’t realizing was that it wasn’t a quantity problem, it was a quality problem.

Trying to be “good enough,” while still reserving as much autonomy as possible, is still withholding part of the heart from Jesus. And that’s a fundamental problem for us, because “the Lord looketh on the heart,” (1 Samuel 16:7). No matter how much else we put on the altar, while trying to conceal the part we won’t offer, we’re still not all His. There still remains a part of us that we don’t trust Him with, and that leaves a gulf between us that nothing else will fill.

Obsessed With Autonomy)

The western world is obsessed with autonomy. Total autonomy is actually a good thing, when it is used for a total surrender to God, but typically, that is not what we actually do. Instead, our society trains us to seize our total autonomy, and not to surrender it to anyone else, ever. Not even to God.

This only sets us up for a lifetime of always feeling insufficient and empty. We try to make ourselves fully good without giving ourselves fully to our Creator, which is only an exercise in frustration. It sets us up for a life of pushing and trying, but never actually being made better.

How great the revelation when we realize that we don’t need to worry about how to make ourselves better, we can instead let go of the ego, the need for control, and the appetites that drive us. When we let those things go, we don’t even have to make ourselves better, we just are better naturally.

Where effort only ever led to defeat, surrender is the path to victory. Where making better choices never works, capitulating all choice to God always does. Where the giving of strength never breaks shackles, the giving of the heart brings true freedom.

Posted on by Abe Austin

Grit vs Surrender- What I Held Back

My Enslavement)

In my last post I promised that today I would share a personal example of my own struggles with vice, how I exerted great effort to overcome them and failed, but then found that freedom could come at a much simpler price.

I have already shared before about my addiction to pornography, and how I spent many years under its power. Perhaps some people do not feel guilty when they take their first steps into addiction, but I most certainly did. From the very first day, I was ashamed and disappointed with myself. From the very first day I tried to stop. I had fits and starts, I tried to make deals with God, I told myself again and again that this next time would be the last time. But no matter what I tried, I remained a slave to my lust for twenty long years.

Because for twenty years I wasn’t willing to try the one thing that would actually work.

Practically from the very start of my addiction, I knew that I needed to make confession. My conscience would consistently prick me to shine a light on this secret shame, but I would always make an excuse not to. I told myself that all I needed was God. He and I would work this out somehow, no one else needed to be involved. God would know how to fix me. That was ironic, given that I was deliberately ignoring what God was telling me to do in my heart.

For so many years I couldn’t make a confession because I couldn’t tolerate being seen by another person at that level of intimacy. It was a boundary that had never crossed in my life, not even in my marriage, and frankly I didn’t think I would ever be willing to have it crossed. That was the part of my autonomy that I kept holding on to, the surrender that I wasn’t willing to make.

Light Streams In)

Then, one day, I finally accepted that there was no salvation in the path that I was walking. I finally admitted to myself that I was getting worse, not better, and that as ashamed as I was of what I had done thus far, I would yet do things more shameful. I realized that for all of my attempts to keep myself whole, I was fracturing apart even so.

That was when I decided to finally make the surrender that God was asking of me. That was when I made my confession. Not just once, not just twice, but over and over again to my wife, to spiritual leaders, to therapists, to twelve-step groups, and even to all of you reading this blog. I surrendered my need for darkness, and finally let the light in.

There were other surrenders that came as a part of this, too. I surrendered my need to hate and punish myself. I surrendered my pride, my need to solve things on my own. I surrendered the fate of my future.

Making these surrenders wasn’t easy, but the transformation that followed them was. In fact, the transformation was effortless. The very changes that I had been trying so hard to make for twenty years took place on their own practically overnight. I didn’t have to wrestle them into submission, I didn’t have to choke them out, I didn’t have to force myself to be worthy by sheer force of will. None of that. I just changed, and there’s no explanation other than that God worked a miracle inside of me.

Now, to be clear, I am not saying that I am impervious to temptation now. I do still need to watch myself. I do still need to make deliberate choices to remain true to who I was born to be. I do still need to remove myself from situations that are going in a bad direction. But for the first time I actually can do those things, and they actually work! I am not free from temptation, but I am free to deny it.

In my following posts I will break down a few key themes in this story, but for now I hope it is clear that God’s way is not one of constant, painful exertion. Following Him and becoming a better person is supposed to be easy and joyful, not tedious and brutal. Jesus was really telling the truth when he said, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light” (Matthew 11:28, 30). In the following posts, we will examine more closely how that could be.

Posted on by Abe Austin

Grit vs Surrender- The Gritty Life

Eternal Conflict)

In my last post I discussed how God’s commandments invite us to relinquish the slavery of our sin. Ego, lust, and vanity all make demands of us, they make us do things that are harsh and damaging, but then God sets us free. Those of us that see God’s commandments as oppressive assume that vice is a basic human need. Only when we see vice for the chains that they are, do we understand that God’s intention for us is liberation.

Thus far this message of freedom has been directed to those that suffer under the tyranny of sin but have not yet realized it. Today, though, we will shift focus to those that understand the greater liberty of righteousness, but who struggle with the part that still clings to their vices.

There are many faithful, including myself, who know their vices, who wish to be rid of them, who believe that life will be better and freer once we do, but who still keep a part of those vices even so. Many-a-time we try to make a clean cut from our old ways but continually wind up back where we started. Some of us have simply resolved that this is our cross to bear throughout the rest of our lives, never accepting the vice, always fighting against its pull, but never being totally rid of it either. From this view, grit and effort are simply part of what it means to be a Christian.

Still Holding Back)

And there may actually be some truth in that perspective, but also there is some lie. I will speak from my own experience. I have certainly struggled back and forth, working my hardest against my carnal self, trying to make some progress by taking two-steps-forward-and-one-step-back. As I have investigated this experience, though, I have found that the real root of my struggle is that I’m still holding something back from God.

Initially, I didn’t even realize that I was doing so. And even when I started to assume that I was still holding something back, I didn’t know right away what it was. I had assumed that I just enjoyed my vices, but on closer inspection, the reasons for holding onto them went much deeper than surface desire. Typically, I do the vices as a way to cover something more tender and vulnerable that I’m not yet ready to commit to the will of God.

Thus, I try to make myself better, but because I’m not identifying the core vulnerability and not ready to surrender it to God, I’m destined to fail. I am setting myself up for a life of continually trying, and slipping, and trying again. It is a hard life to live. It is a gritty life. It might be a step up from a life of wanton indulgence, but it is still not the life that God meant for me to live.

Thus far, I’ve spoken of things in general. Tomorrow, I’ll give a specific example of a vice that I struggled with for years, and the unwillingness to surrender that was behind it.

Posted on by Abe Austin

Grit vs Surrender- The Common Struggle

Moral Grit)

It is the common struggle of man to strive to be better, and to fall short more often than not. We have certain aspirations of personal character, some of them come from our religious upbringing, some from societal norms, and some that we have chosen just for ourselves. And though we might be truly convinced of the merit of these goals, our convictions still run into opposition in the form of laziness and sensuous pleasure.

There are those that see these struggles and wonder why anyone should even bother. They are disciples of hedonism and self-idolatry, who feel that the only reason needed to not change a behavior is to find personal pleasure in it. If it feels “good” then it is good, and any attempt to cease it is oppressive and restricting.

There are also those of a spiritual frame of mind who approach their moral struggles with a surprisingly similar view. Their main distinction is that they say keeping the commandments is worth it, that the rewards are greater than the personal pleasure surrendered, but they still see the entire enterprise as an exercise in self-oppression. They believe that they must flagellate themselves into obedience, psychologically if not physically.

Thus, there are many atheists and theists alike who see the developing of moral character as taking real grit and determination, forcing oneself to be better in spite of all contrary desires and temptations.

Another Way)

I would like to suggest that this isn’t the correct way for moral change to occur. It isn’t the way that God ever had in mind for us. I believe that Jesus was sincere when he said, “Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light” (Matthew 11:28, 30). Jesus isn’t saying his way is easy because we won’t require change, as the hedonist would have, but neither is he saying that that change will come through struggle and punishment, as the ascetic would have. Counter-intuitive as it sounds, Jesus is promising a life of absolutely radical transformation, and that it will occur easily and lightly.

Well, eventually easily and lightly. As we will discuss in this study, there is an initial moment that is, in fact, very hard. Following Jesus begins with a little death, a moment of deep, difficult, surrender. For both the hedonist and the ascetic, the reason that they have not found the easiness of Jesus’s path is that they have not gone through that surrender. Whether because they are an outsider who rejects the Lord outright, or because they are an insider who is still trying to achieve sainthood with pride intact. Either way, they haven’t gone through that little death and so change still looks hard and oppressive.

Posted on by Abe Austin

A Pivotal Moment- An Opportunity

Two Different Reactions)

In my last post I mentioned diverging movements that we are seeing in America today. Over the last few years, the white, conservative male has decided to respond to the unfair treatment that he has received. For some that has meant going back to church and looking for a higher purpose, while for others it has meant abandoning society and treating their antagonists with deep resentment.

Many of those who turn to anger and resentment will do so because they are reacting to personal hurt. Perhaps they obediently submitted to the anti-masculine/anti-white messages they received, publicly emasculating themselves until they could bear it no longer, then turned hateful for having been led to shame themselves. But the truth is, they “simped” because they thought it would serve their own interests, and now their turn to harshness and cruelty is still in pursuit of their own interests. They are still obsessed with the self, and just playing the game that they think will benefit them best.

The better approach is to take oneself out of the game entirely. Turning to God and traditional religion, if done sincerely, is an act of faithful surrender. It is saying, “I don’t care what the rest of the world says anymore, or what benefit or harm society has in store for me, my focus will remain on something Higher.” In both reactions we have men recognizing that the current state of affairs just isn’t going to cut it, and renouncing the way things used to be, but one actually breaks free of the social merry-go-round while the other goes around for another turn.

Which of these sides will outweigh the other? Only time will tell.

Hanging in the Balance)

The future is unknown because the future is still subject to influence. I believe that there are many men currently hanging in the balance who could ultimately go either way. In this there is the danger of souls being pulled deeper into the abyss, but there is also the potential of souls landing at safe harbors.

What we need now, is lighthouses. We need many beacons of light. We need good examples and good teachers, people who can encourage the undecided young man in the right way to go and welcome him with open arms. We have the opportunity in this pivotal moment to really make a change for good, to make the world better than it might have been otherwise.

I am personally considering ways that I can help those who are looking for answers in this pivotal moment and invite you to do the same. Let us see this as our God-given opportunity to do something with our lives that really made a difference.

Posted on by Abe Austin

The Impasse of Release and Guilt: Part Three

In my last two posts I have described two parts of a paradox in addiction recovery. Part one was that we have the greatest success when we do not ruminate on our failures, but simply let them go. Part two was that the addict who breaks beautiful things and hurts loved ones feels it is too flippant to just let those things go. It seems necessary that the addict should be devastated about his failure for some time.

Thus, the addict finds himself caught between the surrender of guilt that would give him the best chance of recovery, and the sense of justice that demands he pays for what he has done. Thankfully, there is a third element that comes to bridge this terrible gulf, to provide a ladder from the darkness to the light.

The Need for a Savior)

At the core of the addict saying that it is right and appropriate to feel devastated for his failures is a recognition that he has broken a moral crime, and so justice ought to be carried out on him. But once we recognize that this is a matter of paying the price for a moral crime, Jesus Christ steps into the picture. The whole point of Jesus Christ is that he, himself, paid the price for these crimes so that we wouldn’t have to.

If I responded to my most shameful acts with nothing more than a “yeah, that happened, but moving on…” then yes, that would be too flippant. But there’s nothing flippant about saying “My best friend died for what I did, so that I could go free.” If anything, that adds even greater gravity and weight to the situation, while also justifying me in letting go of my shame and moving on.

Yes, it is appropriate to be devastated about the seriously wrong things that we do, but Christ offers to feel that devastation for us. When we take him up on that offer, and surrender the weight to him, then it is entirely appropriate for us to get right back in the saddle and try again.

I think this is why having a Higher Power, and more specifically a Savior, is essential to recovery, because when I don’t account for the fact that someone paid for the price for me, I get stuck at an impasse between parts one and two. I need this final part to bridge the gap and bring it all home. It allows me to live as if I had never done anything wrong, while also not minimizing the very real wrong that I really did do. Bringing Christ into the recovery allows us to exchange our worst for his best, and thus the captive may go free.

Posted on by Abe Austin

The Impasse of Release and Guilt: Part One

In my spiritual journey, through my experiences of addiction and recovery, I have seen a difficult impasse that many addicts have grappled with, myself included. There are two aspects that seem to be fundamentally at odds with one another, creating what at first appears to be an unfixable situation. We’ll look at the first point today, the second one tomorrow, and the surprising resolution after that.

The Need to Move On)

One thing that psychological research has found, and that I have seen within my own self, is that dwelling on one’s failures is the surest way to repeat them. The more we obsess over what we’ve done wrong, the more we are aligned to returning to that polluted well again and again.

I have many times found myself repeatedly and profusely apologizing, spelling out every reason why what I did was wrong, and focusing on how fundamentally selfish all my actions were. The result? All of that self-flagellation sent a message to myself that I was fundamentally no good, hell-bent on doing the wrong things, and so that’s exactly what continued to happen. I continued to do the same things again and again, because that was just the garbage sort of person that I was.

On the other hand, being willing to set aside my shame and believe in myself in spite of my failings was fundamental to overcoming these negative habits. I had to sincerely believe there was a better, truer me beneath the bad actions before he could come forward into reality.

There is a caveat to this. One who is in complete denial, who is constantly minimizing his wrongs, who is dismissive of the pain he causes, he may require a sharp wake up call to really face how messed up his behavior really is. But for any self-admitting addict who is genuinely remorseful, the pragmatic next step for him would be to set aside every failure and just keep moving forward.

There is an obstacle to doing this, though, which we will discuss in the next post.