Many feuds in our society today are a lost cause no matter which side of the debate you are on, because both positions are built on a false surface-level paradigm. To find true solutions we must first go deeper, identify the faulty paradigm, and dismiss it entirely.

For example, many of the most common disagreements in marriage, such as who gets their way between high- and low- sexual desire partners, the proper management of finances, and the conditions that justify getting divorced, are typically predicated on the misconception that even after the marriage union has occurred the individual is the supreme entity whose interests must be secured above all others.

People get married today, still believing that their individual happiness is what should be protected first, that their own interests must be sought most, and that their own preferences should drive their decisions. Then man and wife argue about how their individual egos are being bruised, how their individual desires aren’t being met, how the marriage isn’t justifying itself to them on an individual level. Whoever gets their way in such arguments, the answer is wrong, because this is not the paradigm that Jesus affirmed when he was tested by the Pharisees.

And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female, And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh?
Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.
-Matthew 19:4-6

Our Lord’s words shows that the correct view is that the man and the woman are “no more twain, but one.” They are supposed to subjugate the individual to the marriage, and protect that union’s happiness, seek its interests, and let its preferences drive their decisions.

So long as one holds onto the individual-supreme view, then any position they hold in every disagreement is wrong, and even the opposite positions are wrong, too. There are, therefore, no good options left, at least not until that person goes deeper inside and corrects their core paradigm.