Posted on by Abe Austin

The Unraveling of Trust

A System of Trust)

For a society to function properly, its people must cooperate with one another. They must share a ruleset. They must have mutually beneficial expectations, and those expectations must be honored. All of this is necessary, because the world is too large and too complex for each of us to handle all aspects of it on our own. The advantage of a well-functioning society is that certain people can dedicate themselves to understanding one particular system and then disseminate to everyone else the essential information without them having to repeat the work. Shared rules also allow us to take complex interactions and reduce them to simple predetermined actions.

From what movies we watch, to how we navigate the road, to how we prioritize world affairs, “trusting the experts” and following predefined rules is the optimal strategy. I do not have enough time to watch every film, so I read reviews to only watch the best ones. I trust the rules of the road, so I can navigate complex group operations, like two lanes merging into one. I listen to news reports so that I know which issues I want to help my society overcome. I have not personally verified all of this information, but I trust in those that have, and assume my life will be optimal as result.

Trust Exploited)

But implicit trust is the most valuable commodity in the entire world, and the exploitation of it can be very lucrative.

What if a movie studio realizes that it can buy falsely positive reviews? The trust of the people will lead to increased ticket sales.

What if a driver realizes that he can hurriedly follow the car in front of him during a zipper merge to advance a space in traffic? He gets to his destination faster.

What if a news agency realize that they can sensationalize the news and fabricate outrage? Their ratings and ad revenue increase.

In each case, trust is turned into advantage, and one party is progressed beyond what could be achieved by honest means. Perhaps the short-term gain is justified by the assurance that one infraction is not going to break the whole system. The general populace will still benefit by trusting the institutions, and this one dishonest gain will amount to little more than a rounding error in the ledgers of society.

But when trust is exploited by one party, others will realize what has happened, and some will want to tip the scales in their favor also. Experience has proven that when the bond of trust has been broken once, and successfully profited from, a mass of other bad actors will soon follow.

Trust Broken)

And what happens when trust is broken repeatedly? It dies.

I watch a string of bad movies that came highly recommended, and I stop going to the movies altogether.

I get cut off in traffic repeatedly, and I start competing with every other driver on the road.

I realize the causes I supported made me a pawn in some party’s power grab, and I stop listening to the news media entirely.

I do not “trust the experts” anymore. I do not engage in the systems and rules as designed. And I am not the only one becoming cynical. Once enough of us are bitter and disillusioned, the movie industry collapses, violence becomes rampant on the roads, and conspiracy theories abound. The society stops being a society, and becomes instead a mass of angry individuals, all distrusting of one another. Divisions and public violence increase, and eventually the entire nation faces its demise. Perhaps strangest of all, there might even still be a majority of people who want to be honest and want to engage with the systems as intended, but the risk of trust outweighs its benefits, and so separating, not uniting, becomes the new norm.

When one is raised in a cohesive society, it is easy to take its trust systems for granted, but in truth, they must be guarded most carefully. For when they are broken, everything is lost. I do not know how far things can go and still be repaired, but at some point, the death of the nation must become inevitable.

Posted on by Abe Austin

A Lust for Savagery

Everyone claims that they long for peace
But then see how they crave contention with the “other side”
And even cheer for acts of violence against them.

They are not open about their lust for savagery
They are restrained only by the need to maintain appearances.

But one day, they will not feel that restraint any longer
And then the true terrors will begin.

Posted on by Abe Austin

Scriptural Analysis- Exodus 5:3

3 And they said, The God of the Hebrews hath met with us: let us go, we pray thee, three days’ journey into the desert, and sacrifice unto the Lord our God; lest he fall upon us with pestilence, or with the sword.

Moses and Aaron again petitioned for the Israelites to go make sacrifices in the wilderness. This time they showed more decorum, using language like “let us go, we pray thee.” They also gave stronger reasoning for why they needed to do this thing, stating that God would punish them with curses and death if they failed to obey.

However, this is one of the times I wish I knew how to read Hebrew so I could whether this interpretation accurately captures what was written here. Using an interlinear bible, I see that the phrase “he fall upon us” is derived from יִפְגָּעֵ֔נוּ (yifgatno). Then, when I search for the definition of this term by itself, I only get back “will be hurt.” Looking at the other parts of the verse I still don’t see where the recipient of this hurting is defined as the Israelites. Now I know that Hebrew works differently than English, and that the context of a word or phrase can change the meaning entirely, but it does make me wonder whether the subject of the “will be hurt” was only assumed by the translators to be the Israelites. Perhaps a scholar of ancient Hebrew text could weigh in on this, but it does occur to me that if Moses and Aaron had actually stated that God would fall upon the Egyptians with pestilence and the sword, then it would be a more truthful prediction of the future, and it would better explain the great anger that the Pharaoh shows next.

And if this is the case, then it seems that while Pharaoh took what Moses and Aaron said as a threat, it might really have been a heartfelt warning. “Let us go, we pray thee. We’re trying to spare you the reckoning that is nearly upon you!” But Pharaoh couldn’t or wouldn’t understand, and his arrogance proved to be his downfall.

Posted on by Abe Austin

Addiction as an Ally: Part Two

Goodbye Forever?)

Yesterday I discussed how our addict self is trying to do something useful: help us through our great sorrows in life, but it does it in an unhealthy way. This means we should unequivocally reject its suggestions, but that doesn’t mean we can’t appreciate the fact that it was trying to solve a real problem.

And for as much as we might like to say goodbye to the addict-self forever, it isn’t going to just pack up and leave. Even when we are solid in our sobriety, the addiction will still be there, putting thoughts and ideas in our heads that we don’t want. We may be able to maintain some boundaries with it, but we won’t be able to block it out entirely.

At some point or another we’re going to have to figure out what our long-term relationship with our addiction is going to be. How are we going to deal with its continual calls for our attention? Is it really healthiest to pretend that a real and constant part of ourselves just doesn’t exist for the rest of our lives?

The Inner Roles)

The therapist over my addiction recovery group taught us about Internal Family Systems, which is a process where we identify the different parts that live inside of us. There is the part that is a wounded child, the part that is the protector, the part that wants to make sure you’re having a good time, and even a part that tries to manage and regulate all the others! Also, there is the addict self, the part that tries to cope with stress in the easiest, most readily available way.

In our group work, we would try to identify and distinguish these different parts and see how they each tended to get out of bounds. The manager was being a cruel taskmaster, or the protector was being abrasive to everyone nearby, or the wounded child was establishing unhealthy relationships with others in a needy search for love. And, of course, the addict was trying to get the body to do things that the other parts found deeply offensive.

Having recognized how these parts were over-stepping their bounds, it was now our job to have a little chat with them, to hear their concerns and guide them back to their proper function. And we were to do this with all of the parts, yes, even including the addict.

Listening to the addict helped me to better understand his plight. So much of his misbehavior was motivated by pure fear. He was terrified of us being abandoned and alone, he felt like it would kill us if we stayed in the lonely and depressed places that we so often found ourselves in. He saw how our negative feelings caused real pain, and he really wanted those to be taken care of. Understanding that, I realized that my addict-self still has a role to play in my well-being. To be clear, I don’t mean that acting out on my addict’s impulses has a role to play in my well-being but responding to his concerns does.

So, I gave my addict-self a new job. I told him that I was going to take the reins from now on, but I needed him to let me know when things in life were getting out of hand. He was to be the lifeguard, watching for danger in the water. When he saw a danger, he was to raise the alarm. He might have ideas about how to deal with the problem, but he doesn’t get to carry those plans out anymore. He just lets me know about the problem, and I make an intentional and healthy action to address it. As I consistently and quickly respond to the issues, he starts to learn that he can trust me in the driver’s seat.

In Practical Life)

I’ve been using a lot of metaphor, but what do I actually mean in practical life? What I mean is that some days I suddenly notice a sharp increase in the number and intensity of lustful temptations that I face. Things were pretty calm beforehand, with me only needing to check the occasional stray thought or gaze, but suddenly it seems that my triggers have been turned into overdrive!

And as I have observed myself, these sudden spikes in temptation are typically not random. They tend to occur when I am feeling rejected, or lonely, or scared, or any other powerfully negative emotion. They come when I feel like the world is starting to slip out of control, like things might take a turn that I don’t want, that I may end up in places that I don’t want to be.

These spikes in temptation might occur when the bank account is too low and I worry whether we can make ends meet. They might happen when my wife and I have a fight and I think we won’t be able to patch things together this time. They show up when I get passed up for promotion and work and believe that my efforts will never be appreciated.

This sudden increase of temptation is my addict-self sounding the alarm. Him suddenly trying to look for an escape tells me that the pressure is getting too high inside. I need to address the situation or I will drown in anxiety.

I just don’t deal with it by acting out anymore. I deal with it by poring over the financial data and coming up with a budget I can believe in, and by having the hard conversations with my wife, and by deciding whether I need to find a new job where my skills are appreciated. I don’t let the issue remain hanging over me, because my addict-self has warned me that it is too much.

And then, when I take the decisive action, the temptations fade away. Yes, the addict-self wanted to deal with the stress in a particular way, but he will quiet down as long as it was taken care of in some way.

Apply to Self)

If you’ve gained some sobriety in life and have decent stability, but you keep being aggravated by random spikes of temptation, maybe it’s worth considering whether this same pattern exists in you as well. Maybe your addict-self is trying to tell you that something in life is off, that a basic need of yours isn’t being met, that you’re pushing yourself too hard. And if so, you only ignore him at your own peril.

Certainly, I would never say that you should give in to your addiction, but there is a wisdom in becoming curious about what is behind the things the addiction is saying. I’ve developed a sort of annoyed-but-attentive relationship to my own addict-self. It’s complicated, but honestly, I think I’ve found a way that he and I can work together for my better future. Hopefully you can with yours as well.